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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 15

Thursday, December 13th, 2012

Not to brag too much, but I picked two big upsets last week, the Chargers over the Steelers and the Redskins over the Ravens. Now, I don’t think I can do it again this week because I also missed some picks last week that made sense to me, liking picking the Eagles and Jets to lose. Those wins made sure that the coaches and quarterbacks in question have jobs next year, securing their place in mediocrity for at least another year. So enjoy that Eagles and Jets fans!

Week 15 means fantasy playoffs are in full swing, which means that if you are basing start/sit decisions on this column, you are out of your fucking mind. Though, some of these match-ups bode well for some fantasy players. I’ve got to decide if I want to play Matt Ryan or Andy Dalton, one at home against a strong defense, and one on the road against a shitty defense. Flip a coin. I think on the fantasy team that has AJ Green, I play Dalton, the one that has Gonzalez, I play Ryan. Yes, I have two fantasy teams in the playoffs. Go me.

With only three games left in the season, there is still a lot of clinching to be done. Last week sucked for a lot of teams, such as the Ravens, who needed to win to either clinch divisions or playoffs. The losses opened the door for other teams, though I’m really disappointed by the Bengals loss as they are the team I picked to make a strong run to the playoffs. Many teams are not mathematically out, though this week should tie up all those loose playoff ends. So let’s see who the winners and losers are going to be…

Cincinnati at Philadelphia +4.0
In a year where everyone is talking about rookie QB’s RGIII, Wilson, Tannehill and Luck, no one has mentioned Foles at all – until now. The rookie QB has replaced Vick for the rest of the season, and already has two wins. He’s not a master at the game, and runs really slow, but he may just be what this struggling franchise and Andy Reid need. A win this week would be huge. However, after a shitty loss to the Cowboys, the Bengals need to win. The Eagles could play spoiler, but I don’t think they do. Bengals to win.

New York at Atlanta -1.0
This game is huge – for me. And for the Giants who need to win to keep the Redskins and Cowboys at bay. A win here and both those other teams losing clinches and sends the Giants back to the playoffs. A loss here and both those teams have a chance to steal the division. Getting wild. Meanwhile, Atlanta got the fuck off Carolina’s field last week, after getting trounced. Since they have clinched division and playoffs, have they gotten complacent? The defense seemed to be coasting last week, they’ll need to be on their best behavior this week. This game could be tight, but for the sake of the dome and the fact Eli can’t run like Newton, I’m taking the Falcons. If they don’t win, then they really can’t close out the big games.

Green Bay at Chicago +3.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!
The NFC North is probably the best battleground in football when these two teams are playing at a high level. Rodgers is the definition of an elite QB, and he had some big shoes to fill. Chicago needs this win to continue to fight for the division, at only one game behind. There was a point where it looked like Chicago would be dominating this division for the entire year, but at some point they faltered. Directly related to Cutler going out of the game last week. Cutler should be back this week, so this should be a great snow battle. I’m taking the Packers to win, just cause.

Washington at Cleveland -0.0
Interesting zero line on this game after the Redskins upset the Ravens in overtime. Could this have anything to do with yet another rookie, Cousins, getting to start due to RGIII’s minor knee injury? Possibly. Also, if RGIII was your fantasy QB, Cousins might be an okay pick, if the Cleveland defense is sleeping. But three straight wins and a crappy AFC have actually kept the Browns mathematically in the playoff race. Seriously. If the Steelers, Ravens, Jets, Dolphins, Chargers and Bills continue to lose and the Browns win out, then it’s possible. The Browns defense has been playing solid football, and the offense is starting to show some serious life. I’m gunning for the Browns at home this week, so I’m picking them.

Minnesota at St. Louis -2.5
Also still in the hunt are the Vikings, who visit a Rams team still stoked over a late win against the Bills, after an OT win against the Niners. The Rams receiving core have been awesome, so it’s up to the corners of the Vikings to shut them out. It really doesn’t matter though. Hand Peterson the ball 25-35 times, win the game. Done. But wait, the Rams held Frank Gore to 58 yards, can they contain Peterson? I smell upset, so I’m picking it. Rams to upset. Oh wait, the Rams are favored. So, Rams to win.

Jacksonville at Miami -7.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
While Miami is technically not ruled out for the playoffs, at 5-8 they may as well be. The Jags are depressing. They sold out this past weekend because Tim Tebow was standing on the sidelines. Imagine if they had actually signed the guy, they’d sell out every game and maybe have more than two wins. Ugh. Miami to win.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans -4.5
The Bucs blew it last week, they really did. Against a struggling Eagles team they managed to give it up in the end, and got seriously fucked. Now, at 6-7 instead of 7-6, the hill to climb to the playoffs is nearly insurmountable. Plus, they have to play in the Superdome this week against a team that just got unsuspended. No more bountygate, no more stress around that situation. The Saints will be playing revitalized and ready to fuck shit up. Saints to win.

Denver at Baltimore +2.5
Denver is their division winner already. The Ravens, at 9-4 are not. They have to win this week in order to clinch the division. But can they do it against a Denver team that has only lost to top tier teams? Are the Ravens top tier? Not since injuries ravaged their defensive front. While Ray Rice can cut through most lines, the 5th rated rush defense of the Broncos is going to give him problems. And Manning vs. a depleted Ravens secondary? Forget it. The Ravens are giving up major yards in the secondary. Just look a what the Redskins managed last week. Gave up nearly 300 yards passing, over 150 rushing. I’m taking the Broncos to win here, giving the Bengals another shot.

Indianapolis at Houston -9.5 UPSET SPECIAL!!
Indy is going to make the playoffs. The only teams in the AFC with better records are the division leaders. A win here would be significant, but the Colts are huge underdogs. My hope is that they spent this week watching tape of Brady dismantling the Houston secondary. The Colts have a strong offensive line, and can easily open up similar passing lanes for Luck. He’s no Brady – yet, but he can power a game. The Texans meanwhile may already be in playoff mode, which was evident on defense and offense. Their line made the Patriots low ranked defensive front look pretty damn good. Does it happen again this week? Do the Texans lose? I think they do, in overtime. Colts to upset.

Seattle at Buffalo +5.5
The Bills just love throwing away late leads don’t they? What a terrible team right now. Just sad to watch. The Seahawks will follow in the Rams footsteps this week, though wait – even though Pete Carroll pulled his starters in the romp last week, he still kept calling passing plays late in the game to roll up the score. Karma is a bitch Pete. Though lets be serious, no matter how much the football gods influence the game, it won’t be with a loss to the Bills. Hawks to win on the road.

Detroit at Arizona +6.0
The Lions have lost five in a row and finish the season against the Falcons and the Bears. This is their last chance for another win, a fifth win. What a terrible season. They haven’t been plagued by injury, instead they’ve been plagued by a coach who can’t manage certain defensive players who act like spoiled little bastards and haven’t done anything special besides kick people in the nuts and draw attention to themselves. Lacking a serious running game, unable to get Johnson out of double coverage (yet, he still might get the receiving record) the Lions have been shit. This week they win, only cause if they are shit, Arizona is whatever they are shitting in.

Carolina at San Diego -3.0
Another team mathematically still in it are the Chargers, but let’s be real here. Even with a win over the Steelers, the Chargers are still not going to make the playoffs. The thing is, with that win, Norv Turner will most likely get to keep his job. Thanks to some great receiver play from Alexander and Rivers actually looking all grown-up and shit. However, the Chargers welcome the unpredictable Panthers to town, who at 4-9 have nothing to lose by going batshit down the stretch. Big runs from Cam, big passes as well. Panthers to upset.

Pittsburgh at Dallas +1.0
This is an interesting game, like the schedule was written with knowledge of the future. Both teams at 7-6, both teams coming off a surprising game, one which saw a home loss and one which saw a road upset. The Cowboys, at home, are pretty terrible, but Romo shows those signs of greatness. With Dez Bryant out and a running game that is nearly non-existent this season, the Cowboys will have a tough time against the Steelers corners. Big Ben is back, probably wearing a shit ton of body armor, limiting mobility. I’m taking the Cowboys to win here, not sure why, just a gut feeling.

Kansas City at Oakland -1.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!! #2
Five wins combined, turnover city for both teams… yeah, who gives a shit. Oakland fans, are you as disappointed as KC fans? You should be. What a dump.

San Francisco at New England -3.0
Is there any question the Patriots have the best offense in the league? And their defense didn’t look too shabby holding the Texans to 14 points on Monday night. Now another night game against another supposedly elite team. The Niners want to win if they want to keep the Seahawks at bay. But an away game, in the possible snow, no way – the Patriots got this one man. I like that Kaepernick kid, but I don’t think it was wise to just bench Smith for no reason, that kid can win too. I think they’ll need his experience against the Pats. Regardless, the Pats score at will, so Pats to win. By more than three.

NY Jets at Tennessee -1.0
And finally this week we come to the 4-9 Titans at home against a Jets team that just can’t seem to go away. They don’t completely suck, but they have certain moments of suck. Which team am I talking about? Both of them. The Titans win, Johnson finally runs for 200 yards, 2 touchdowns and Jake Locker goes for 400 in the air. Final score, 56-12.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 14

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

Only a few more weeks left in the NFL season and I just realized that my playoffs in both fantasy leagues don’t start til next week, though I believe I have clinched both, or at least one. But enough about me, how are you doing? Meh, I really don’t care, let’s talk about football.

This week we’ve got some seriously good match-ups, with playoff implications. Of course any team with a winning record has the playoffs on the mind. Already Atlanta, Houston, Denver and the Patriots have clinched, and it’s only week 14. Which means what, they’ll be resting their starters? Hardly, especially in the case of the Patriots, who will be playing their starters until they are knocked out of the playoffs, or win the Superbowl.

So, I don’t really have much else to say on a general front, so let’s get right into the picks for week 14. I’ll try to wrap this up quick so you can go back to whatever you were trying to avoid doing.

Denver at Oakland +10.5
Let’s see, already clinched the playoffs, have Peyton Manning or the team that just lost to Cleveland? Obviously, Denver to win. Here’s the rub with Manning though – is he winning too much? With the Colts, the break in-between winning the division & the second round of the playoffs seemed to take the air out of Manning, will this happen again this year? We’ll just have to wait and see.

St. Louis at Buffalo -3.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
The Rams were 29 seconds away from tying the Niners again this season. That would have been nuts eh? These two teams have moments of explosiveness, the Rams on defense, the Bills on offense, but I’m wondering if they will ever be playoff caliber teams. Already ruled out, they are just playing for contracts at this point. I can’t imagine Fisher is on the hot seat, but I know Gailey is. I have to take the Bills in weather though, as the Rams do tend to suffer from plays-in-dome-itis.

Dallas at Cincinnati -3.0
The Bengals are on a tear lately, solid running game and overall defense. The Chargers really didn’t stand much of a chance. And honestly, neither will Dallas. I know, you Cowboys fans think highly of your team and Romo tends to do better in the winter months, but just watch, the Benagals are going to slaughter the Cowboys in the turnover department. Not to mention the Cowboys corners tend to give up a lot in the middle. I’m taking the Bengals, and not just cause A.J. Green is on my fantasy team.

Kansas City at Cleveland -6.5
I think this is the first time all season that I’ve seen Cleveland favored. Regardless, the Chiefs may have pulled out a win last week, but for both these teams any win now is too little too late. The Browns have been coming strong all season, just finding a way to lose games late. I think this week they find a way to win one handily against the struggling Chiefs, which will be nice for a franchise that is already coach shopping.

Tennessee at Indianapolis -5.5
The Colts no longer need figurative luck, the have real Luck and this kid is the real deal. His final drive against the Lions last week, and that final play to win the game was seriously legit and I can’t wait to see this kid and this newly dynamic team in the playoffs. They should have no problem handing the Titans this week, who are generally too busy shooting themselves in the foot to win any games. And Chris Johnson? Yeah, how’s that money working out for ya? Colts to win.

Chicago at Minnesota +3.0
Don’t fret! The Bears are still legit. The Seahawks are just unpredictable. Russel Wilson is the real deal and can move, the Bears weren’t prepared for that. They will be prepared for the leagues best rushing in Adrian Peterson, but I can see the Vikings putting some unexpected points on the Bears this weekend. I’m not saying don’t play the Bears D in fantasy, I’m just saying don’t expect a blowout. A great divisional match-up, I think the dome makes a difference. Cutler will be majestic. Bears to win.

San Diego at Pittsburgh -0.0
It sounds weird, but Philip Rivers reminds me of Charlie Batch. Or is it the other way around? Anyway, Batch got a win for the first time on the road without Big Ben, but I don’t see them doing it this week. I know, the Steelers defense has been amazing, especially blocking the pass, and the Chargers don’t have any running game to speak of, but for some reason, after giving up eight turnovers to the Browns in week 12, I somehow see the San Diego defense turning the tide. I’d pick this as an upset special, but the line is zero. Chargers to win.

Philadelphia at Tampa Bay -7.5
The Eagles suck. Fire everyone. Bucs to win.

Baltimore at Washington -2.5
This is an interesting game. After beating the Giants, the Skins are 6-6 and only one game behind in the division. That’s how crummy the NFC is this year. The Ravens, at 9-3 are trying to hold off the Steelers and the surging Bengals, both at 7-5. So this game is a must-win for both teams here. So who wins? The Ravens rush Rice as much as possible, the Ravens win. RGIII keeps his head on against a terrific defensive front, the Skins win. After seeing his poise under pressure last week, and the fact that unlike Vick, RGIII can actually pass while running, I’m taking the Redskins at home.

Atlanta at Carolina +3.5
Atlanta has been in a lot of tight games this season and has received a lot of criticism for not being a legit playoff team, having faced many opponents with losing records. Perhaps the critics are right, but we’ll see come the playoffs. This week, another losing record comes to town, bringing with them an unpredictable offense. Will Cam stay patient and throw to Steve Smith? Will he run? Thankfully, unlike RGIII, Cam hasn’t learned that patience that running QB’s need to have. Atlanta and the Falcons defense to win on the road.

NY Jets at Jacksonville +2.5 UPSET SPECIAL!!
The Jets have announced that Sanchez will be starting this week against the Jags, even though their season is hopeless and Rex Ryan is clearly in denial. Should have started Tebow when they had the chance. There is hope for the future, as rookie McElroy got the win last week. So wait, why isn’t he starting over the listless Sanchez? Because Rex Ryan has lost his fucking mind. Remember that denial thing? He’s in it. Deep. The Jets aren’t going to want to play at home again this season after inexplicably losing to the Jags this weekend.

Miami at San Francisco -10.0
The Niners, at one point a lock for the playoffs now look like they could be watching from the outside. Losing to the Rams in overtime didn’t help. The Dolphins aren’t statistically ruled out for the playoffs, but a lot of other teams would have to suck pretty hard. I like the Fins, but I don’t think they win 3000 miles from home. Niners to win. And gash the Dolphins on the ground.

New Orleans at NY Giants -5.0
The Giants can’t afford to lose another game, but you know what – they can. Sneaking into the playoffs at 9-7 last year, they won the Superbowl. They could do the same thing this year as crummy as the NFC is. Or is it parity? Whatever. The Saints still are having trouble in the secondary, just seeming confused on anything outside the zone. Eli should be able to take advantage of that. Certainly, if you have any Giants receivers, start ‘em. Giants to win at home.

Arizona at Seattle -10.0
At 5-8, the Cards join the Lions, Panthers and Eagles as teams that are definitely going to miss the playoffs this year. The Cardinals looked terrible last week, not knowing if they actually wanted to keep the ball. The Hawks beat the Bears and are on a tear, looking to steal the division from the Niners. Easy choice in the loudest stadium in the NFL. Hawks to win.

Detroit at Green Bay -7.0
Lambeau field in the winter? Yeah, Packers to win. I wonder who that dirtbag Suh is going to kick in the balls this week? Money says Aaron Rodgers gets into it with him.

Houston at New England -4.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
Tell you why this is my game of the week, because even though both teams have clinched the playoffs and their respective divisions, neither has clinched top seed. Well, that isn’t as important anymore, except the Patriots certainly play better at home. They are 9-3, the Texans are 11-1 so they have to win this game, and I think they do. I like the Texans and they have a fantastic running game, powerful air attack and great defense. The Patriots have, well, Tom Brady. Even without Gronk, the Patriots still score at will, and I think they score more than the Texans this week. Plus, this will be a high scoring game, so that should be fun to watch. Pats to win.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 13

Thursday, November 29th, 2012

It is week 13 in the NFL which means that we know damn well who the winners and losers are and who has an outside chance of rising up and making the playoffs. There is one team that I’m looking at (even going so far as to backing their players in fantasy football) that is going to rise up and steal a playoff spot. More on that in a second. Speaking about fantasy though, it is week 13 which means for many, it is the last week before playoffs begin.

This year, I have clinched the playoffs in one league on the back of Phil Dawson, Matt Ryan and AJ Green. The other league I have AJ Green and Ryan in is a defense plays league, and I did not make the playoffs there and actually just traded Green for Jimmy Graham and Cecil Shorts. The third league, I’m in fourth at the moment, but really need a win this week to clinch a playoff spot. That team is also led by Matt Ryan (who has not done me so well the last two weeks), with Calvin Johnson as the primary receiver. Not a lot of TD’s, but a lot of yards.

This week though, in the league I’ve already clinched, I’m going with Andy Dalton over Ryan and the Bengals Defense. While the Saints give up the most fantasy points to opposing QB’s, I’m liking the way Cincinnati is playing right now and I suggest that you do what you can to grab any Cincinnati players before the trade deadline. Also, my primary RB in all leagues is Green-Ellis. I’ve found that synching all my teams makes more a better fantasy season all around.

So in real football news, that’s the team that I think is going to rise up and steal a playoff spot – the Bengals. They are playing fast and strong and their schedule over the next few weeks puts their fate strongly in their hands. The playoffs is theirs to lose. As for the losers, the Eagles top that list. What a shit shack. Next on that list are the Jets, also a supreme disappointment. I’d put the Browns, Rams, Cardinals, etc., on that list, but we expected them to lose. So after skipping last week (turkey hangover bitches) lets get to picking some games.

New Orleans at Atlanta -3.0
Big game for the Saints if they hope to make a run for the playoffs. To their advantage, outside of Atlanta, the NFC is wide freaking open. Those wild card spots will be highly contested and probably come down to the last game. Even the Rams have an outside chance. Of course, the Saints are going to have to win out, and I don’t think they do that. Their defense is giving up too many points, and the offense just isn’t keeping up. Defenses are aware of Graham now, and Brees doesn’t seem to have the weapons he used to have, especially in the running game. While Ivory has impressed, it hasn’t been enough. Speaking about running game, the Falcons have made it to 10-1 pretty much without using Turner that much, sticking to more swing routes and pitches to the faster running Rodgers. Keep in mind the Saints handed the Falcons their only loss this season. Regardless, back at home, I’m taking the Falcons.

Jacksonville at Buffalo -7.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
The AFC picture is a little bit clearer when it comes to the playoffs, and neither of these teams are in it. Henne has been better for the Jags than Gabbert, but it’s too little too late. The highlight here is watching rising stars Sheets and Blackmon make names for themselves, in the hopes they get to play somewhere else next season. The Bills can score points, but they can also turn the ball over a lot. I’m going out on a limb here and taking the Jags to win. Even at 2-9, they still have a shot at not completely looking like jackasses. Jags on the road to upset.

Seattle at Chicago -3.0
One second the Hawks look playoff caliber, the next second they look weak. Doesn’t really matter. Chicago is playing some inspired football. Tough too. Last week was great when Cutler got pushed out of bounds, then flipped the ball at a Vikings player. That’s the chippy Cutler that we all know and love. He got flagged for 15 yards, but it was totally worth it. The Bears aren’t going to lay down at home for a team like the Seahawks, they are going to pummel them. Bears to win.

Indianapolis at Detroit -3.5
I bet you want to pick an upset here don’t you? Well, the Lions are still having trouble closing out games, and with Johnson unable to find open space to run, they are having trouble scoring with the long ball as well. Losing three in a row hasn’t helped them rebound this season at all. Stafford is getting shoved, hurried and sacked way too often. That line has got to protect. The Indy pass rush isn’t much of a threat, but Luck and TY Hilton might be. Close game here, but I think the Lions edge out at home. I could be wrong though, this is one I see could go either way.

Minnesota at Green Bay -9.0
The Vikings are down Harvin, and seem to forget they have the leagues #1 rusher on their team. Field goals from 4th and one against the division leading Bears? Are you shitting me? Peterson averages like four yards a carry and you are taking pussy points? The Vikings have given up, I’d say that makes them dangerous, and against the Packers non-existent rushing defense that’d be even more true, but the Packers have that Rodgers guy. Protect him and win the game. Packers at home.

Houston at Tennessee +5.5
The Titans are 0-3 in the division and welcome division leader Houston to town. Yeah, Arian Foster is gonna be like “hey Chris Johnson, this is how it’s done now.” The Titans are going to get shredded. They’ll put up a valiant fight, but the Houston D-Line will crush Locker. Texans to win.

Carolina at Kansas City +2.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Boy, here’s your who gives a shit game of the week. You’d think this would be on Monday Night Football the way those games have been. After beating the hapless Eagles, now the Panthers get the Chiefs. Too bad the Panthers are 3-8. Panthers to win. But no one will be watching.

San Francisco at St. Louis +6.5
The Niners have a rare QB problem. That is, both of them are winners. Alex Smith is probably the most dogged QB in the history of the franchise. My guess, he’s out at the end of the year, playing in KC or something. Which is a mistake. He’s got the arm and the game smarts to be great. Dunno why he can’t get his due in SF. Fuck ‘em. Kaepernik gives them just as much chance to win, though they could start Randy Moss at QB this week and win. Niners to win. Of course, keep in mind they did tie last time they played the Rams.

New England at Miami +9.0
Miami has an outside chance of getting to the playoffs, but this is the week to make that leap. This is a must win game, against a team that seems to just score and score and score but wait! No Gronk? Out with a broken arm thanks to an idiotic decision to keep him in the game, the Patriots are down their leading scorer. So, I suppose that’s a slight advantage for Miami. Tough game for the Fins, as they’ll fall behind quick and never seem to catch up. Patriots to win, but the Dolphins keep it close. Mostly cause the Pats secondary is non-existent.

Arizona at NY Jets -4.5
The Cardinals have Wells back, which should put some more depth in the running game, something the Jets can’t seem to stop. Sure the rookie QB in Arizona isn’t that great yet, and the Jets home crowd hates the Jets more than the visiting team, but the Cards have a chance here. The Jets are not going to even come close to the playoffs, and they are getting primed to clean house. Watch. Cards to win.

Tampa Bay at Denver -7.0
The Bucs are another NFC team that must win this week in order to make a run for the playoffs. Sadly, they travel to the thin air of Denver to face Peyton and the Broncos. While the Bucs gave the Falcons all they could handle, I don’t think they get that lucky against the Broncos, who are playing tighter and tighter every week. I’m sticking with the Denver Mannings to win this game and to continue into the playoffs.

Cleveland at Oakland -1.5
The Browns forced – get this – eight fucking turnovers against the Steelers. The Steelers! If the defense plays the same, they’ll win again this week easy, because Oakland doesn’t wait for forced turnovers, they just give the fucking ball away. Shurmer might be a shit coach, but even he can see that if he just keeps the pressure on Palmer, he’ll win. Browns to win.

Cincinnati at San Diego +2.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
This is it for both these teams. A win here and the Bengals will most likely pass the Steelers in the division, edging closer to a playoff spot. A loss for the Chargers likely means that at least Norv Turner is toast, as his poor decision making and clock management will have finally caught up to him. Additionally, Rivers is playing for his life right now, at 4-7, he’s not looking like the price they paid. Bengals to win.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore -0.0
The Steelers are hurting. Literally. charlie Batch was less than impressive against the Browns, the whole team looked like a mess. Without Big Ben, I’m writing them off. If he doesn’t slap on some Kevlar and come back, they are done. The Ravens are going to win this division, if they can beat the Steelers here and keep the Bengals at bay. The next few weeks should be interesting. Either way, Ravens win at home.

Philadelphia at Dallas -9.0
That sound is the sound of Eagles fans holding back the tears. Nick Foles is quickly cementing his place in the hall of perennial backups and he’s only a rookie. You gotta win son. You had your chance against the Panthers, now you are probably headed back to the bench so that Vick can come in and look just as shitty. Bryce Brown was impressive, but needs to learn how to carry the fucking ball. Did you see him swinging it out there? A good fantasy pick if you don’t get penalized for fumbles. Dallas isn’t that great of a team, but have a strong rushing attack going at times, and other times a coach who can’t seem to read the giant digital clock. Regardless, the Eagles aren’t going to win another game this year. Cowboys at home.

New York at Washington +2.5
And we come to the other half the NFC East. The surprisingly dominant Giants against the not to be underrated Redskins. The Skins keep showing that spark that winning teams have, which can mostly be attributed to RGIII. A win at home, against the Giants would be fucking huge for RGIII and the Redskins, who have won two in a row and have a good shot at the playoffs – if they can continue to win in the division. In consecutive weeks they’ve beaten the Eagles and Cowboys, yet lost to the Giants earlier this year. They have two more against the Eagles and Cowboys, so this game is huge for them. The Giants rolled Green Bay, and coming off that win are hard to discount or pick an upset against. Going with the numbers here and picking the Giants to win.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 11

Thursday, November 15th, 2012

Terrible week last week, for my picks and for QB injuries. Vick went out with a concussion (though I suspect it’s not as such and he was pulled cause he’s terrible) as well as Jay Cutler. Big Ben went down with a shoulder injury. The Steelers were the only team not to lose after losing their QB, though in all honestly the Eagles suck and the Steelers were playing the Chiefs. Turnovers sunk the Bears, as their offense couldn’t manage to hang on to the ball. You don’t think defense wins championships? Just take a look at that Bears v. Texans game.

In other football type news, there was a tie this week, which is like taking your mom to prom. Fucking weak. The worst part is that it was a tie in the NFC West division, which is going to be hotly contested anyway when it comes down to it. At the point, the Seahawks are smiling like crazy after their win. The biggest surprise for me this weekend wasn’t the Fins getting blown out, or the Falcons losing to the Saints or the Eagles just totally blowing it against the Cowboys, it was the Giants losing to the Bengals. I did not see that one coming.

One of the most dynamic QB/WR combos this year has been that of Andy Dalton and A.J. Green. They started it last year and continue this year. Tack on the rest of the WR core on this team, and they have a potent passing attack that is hard to stop. Almost as many weapons on offense as the Falcons. They also have a pretty competent run game too. I’m surprised by this Bengals team and think they can make a run at the Ravens, as long as they aren’t playing in Baltimore.

Anyway, since this is the time of year that I start to get the sinking feeling that nobody actually reads this column besides me, CC and my boys Brett & Mikey, I’m just gonna get on with the picks.

Miami at Buffalo -1.0
So after playing some bizarre football last week, these two struggling AFC East teams meet up in the cold to decide which one won’t be hanging with the Jets in the basement. The Dolphins are playing hot & cold football, while the Bills are just cold. They always play the Pats tight, because the Pats let ‘em. This week I have the Bills, because Miami never seems to win in the cold. Man I love this time of year for football. Weather rules.

Arizona at Atlanta -9.5
The Falcons lost not because they were outplayed or outmatched, but because they were evenly matched on offense. Their defense didn’t make the moves they had been making all season to keep a good scoring margin. Regardless, back at home this week, they get back to winning. Falcons at home. What? Say something about the Cardinals? They are terrible and the play calling is the worst and most timid I’ve seen all year. Is that enough?

Cleveland at Dallas -7.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
Ok, I might be going out on a limb here. The Cowboys are still a mess. They are locking Jerry Jones out of the locker room, they are turning over the ball too much and Romo is playing like he doesn’t want to get his dress dirty. Sure they bea the Eagles, but the Eagles are equally fucked up. Here’s the deal, the Browns, at only two wins are coming on strong and need to finish the season in the “hopeful” column. Their defense has been playing well at times, even though ranked near the bottom. Really, it’s the 29th ranked Cowboys run defense that is the difference maker here. I say Trent runs all over them. Browns to surprise upset the Boys and make Jerry Jones cry.

Green Bay at Detroit +3.5
The Packers are back this week, back with Nelson and perhaps anyone else who was injured. The Lions are limping after getting beat pretty handily by the Vikings, and now they get the Packers. Johnson has scored two touchdowns this season and the Lions secondary appears to be sleeping on the job. Packers to win.

Cincinnati at Kansas City +3.0
Like I said earlier, the Bengals are surprising me, and the Chiefs are flat out shitty. They can’t establish a run, they can’t keep the QB in the pocket and yeah, they did sack Big Ben, but everyone gets lucky sometimes. Bengals to win.

NY Jets at St. Louis -3.5
Apparently, Jets players are bashing Tim Tebow behind his back, even though he’s not contributed much this season, of no fault of his own. And, not to mention if he was to start for the team in place of mistake prone Sanchez, he’d play his fucking heart out for them, regardless of them being absolute dicks in the locker room. Clearly, the Jets have problems. Here’s my message to the Jets players bashing Tebow – fuck you. The guy, given the chance, plays to fucking win – no matter the cost. He plays with positivity, sportsmanship and heart. Clearly that’s too difficult for you selfish pricks to understand so hope you enjoy losing. Jets lose again this week, as the Rams proved they are not to be completely underestimated. If you’ve got Jackson in your league, start him. Jets run defense is like wet toilet paper. If Tebow starts however, I may change my pick.

Philadelphia at Washington -3.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
It seems to me that everyone calling for Andy Reid’s head seem to forget how many wins & playoff appearances he’s got under his belt. However, fire him. His decision making has turned to dementia and firing his D coordinator has only made the defense worse. Keeping Vick in the game in any aspect is tanking their season. Foles will probably get the start this week, but it doesn’t matter. The Skins, while not looking like a playoff team, are at least looking a bit more concise on offense. RGIII though needs to give his receivers an extra second before he starts running around. Skins to win at home.

Tampa Bay at Carolina +1.0
The last two games for the Bucs have not only been crucial wins, but have been offensively and special teams impressive. I’m serious, and you know how much of a Bucs hater I am. I think they keep it up on the road against a quickly falling Panthers team plagued by line troubles. I dunno. I expected so much more from Cam. Sorry dude, you are like Vince Young, but you have better potential. Bucs to win.

Jacksonville at Houston -15.5
After beating the Bears at their own game, I don’t think the Texans sink low enough to play the Jags on their level. This will be like an SEC season opener. They should pay the Jags to come and get destroyed. Texans to win.

New Orleans at Oakland +4.5
The Saints are looking like The Saints once again, but considering they are playing against a team that can’t even snap the ball right the entire game, that shouldn’t be an issue. Sure the black hole is a tough place to play sometimes, but the Raiders can’t stay out of their own way long enough to win a game. Saints to win.

San Diego at Denver -7.5
Another team that loves stepping on its own toes is the Chargers. From bad Rivers decisions, to an inability to establish a strong run, to Norv Turner not knowing how to tell time, the Chargers are running out of it. Can Rivers beat Manning and the Colts, in Denver with the offense on a roll? Doubtful. Broncos to win.

Indianapolis at New England -9.5 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
While the Steelers/Ravens night game is going to be fantastic, this one intrigues me the most. The Patriots have been giving up major points this year again, and Andrew Luck is playing like he’s done this before. However, the Colts have not come up against a team that scores at will like the Patriots do. Their losses were surprising, to the Jets and Jags (Bears not so much) and their wins have been too, beating the Packers and Vikings. They looked vulnerable against the Browns and Titans, but smashed the Fins and Jags. But the Patriots do score at will. In order for the Colts to win, they have to go up big and quick, but the Patriots score at will. Pats to win.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh +4.5
I wrote every other pick before this one, even the bye week ones. This is tough. Do I go with the Ravens, who are hurting on run defense, but still good on pass defense, or the Steelers, who have been playing amazing defense once again, especially in the secondary and who are establishing a run game with who-dat players? The Ravens are favored, but why? Because of Big Ben being injured? Look, until I know if he’s playing, I can’t make a pick here. Leftwich ain’t gonna win this game for the Steelers. I’m not picking this game. Should be a good one though.

Chicago at San Francisco -5.0
Probably the best Monday night match-up this season, period. ESPN got lucky with this one I suppose, since they usually get stinkers on Monday night and NBC gets the good game on Sunday night. Either way, the Bears have got to be reeling after that loss, giving away the ball like they did. Cutler may not play as well. Marshall and Campbell just don’t have the same connection. So, who ya got? I’ve got the Bears, just cause the Niners left a bad taste in my mouth after that tie with the hapless Rams.

Bye week at Minnesota
The Vikings probably wish they didn’t have a bye so they could keep winning.

Bye week at N.Y. Giants
The Giants are wondering how in the fuck they lost in Cincinnati.

Bye week at Seattle
Seattle also wishes they didn’t have to take a bye so they could keep winning.

Bye week at Tennessee
The Titans are just confused. Blown out one week, blowing out the next. Too much blowing.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 10

Thursday, November 8th, 2012

Well, I have to gloat this week. I went 12-2 last week, which I think is my best ratio all season. I’ve had a couple ten win weeks, but this one is definitely the best. That being said, I think I’m still running at about 69%, which is regardless of my picks. Get it? Hahahaha.

I’d like to break from the NFL for a second to talk about two things that aren’t related to the NFL. The first is the NHL. That’s right, hockey. Now, I understand a lot of football fans are not hockey fans, and that’s just the way it is. I am a hockey fan, loyal to the Tampa Bay Lightning. The fact that the NHL season has already been cancelled through November, including the Winter Classic, sucks. This labor dispute is about millionaires wanting more money from billionaires. I’ll admit, many hockey players are not in the million dollar range when it comes to annual salaries, and these guys at the league minimum are losing money. They want to get out there and play and earn their paychecks. It’s the superstars, arguing for a percentage point more of the gate that are holding the game back, and it’s the NHL not giving it to them causing casual fans to just not give a shit. This is not good for the NHL, which is obvious, but unlike the NFL, fans won’t just come flocking back. The NHL needs to resolve this dispute now, before coming back to crickets.

The second thing is the Presidential Election. Most years when I go to the ballot box, I’m torn. This year was easy. Mitt Romney is so out of touch with reality and living in happy religious rich white man world that the choice was easy. As for Colorado and other states legalizing recreational weed – awesome. Even more important, congrats to the states approving marriage equality. Everyone, gay, straight, lesbian, made out of matchbooks, should have the right to suffer through marriage and pay out the nose for divorce.

In other NFL news, it appears that Andy Reid has fired Juan Castillo again, because the Eagles defense was once again just as terrible as their QB who got sacked seven times. More on that in a second. So now that we’re nearing the home stretch of the season (oh man, already?) who do you have as the best rookie standout this season? Can’t say RGIII has truly impressed, while Andrew Luck is setting records left and right. Who ya got? I’ve got Week 10 picks.

Indianapolis at Jacksonville +3.0
Andrew Luck is setting all kinds of rookie records, making his start in Indy more spectacular than Peyton. There is a pretty good chance the Colts are headed to the playoffs as a Wild Card, thanks to the AFC East being meh and parity in the NFL. No parity here, the Jags are terrible on both sides of the ball. If you have any Colts offensive players, I’d suggest starting them. I’d start Luck over Matt Ryan, but c’mon, it’s Matt Ryan. Colts to win.

New York at Cincinnati +6.0
Once again, the Bengals season is hanging by a thread. At 3-5 and getting lit up by Denver last week, the Bengals need a serious rebound. Perhaps the reeling Giants? Perhaps not. The Giants find a way to grind out a win, even though they didn’t do so against the Steelers. The Bengals allow a lot of passing yards, and another Manning should deliver another loss. Giants on the road.

Tennessee at Miami -6.0
Finally Johnson broke out last week. Too bad it was late in a rout. Fantasy owners who actually started him were happy. Too little, too late. The truth is, against an aggressive line, the Titans can’t get a running game going. Apply pressure, and the Titans will turn over the ball. The Dolphins, at 4-4 are looking to catch up to the Pats. A win here at home will help. Fins to win.

Detroit at Minnesota +1.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
This is as close as I could get to an upset special this week, a one point line. The Lions finally looked like themselves last week, with the passing game in full swing. But the were playing the Jags, who basically rolled over and played dead for three quarters. This week, they play division rival Vikings who are not playing dead. They are running well, and defending tough against the run. I think they eke out a win at home against the Lions, winning the turnover game.

Buffalo at New England -11.0
Surprisingly enough, the Bills stayed in the game through three against the Texans last week, but we all knew what was going to happen. Once again, timid and ill-timed play calling killed them in the late stages, and will kill them again this week. I don’t smell an upset here. The Patriots, while 28th in total defense, are still stronger than the Bills by far. Pats to win.

Atlanta at New Orleans +2.5
Again, another team finally comes on strong, but against a far inferior team. Drew Brees looked like his old self on that TD pass to Graham, but coaching and play calling is still a problem. This is the chance for the Saints to play spoiler, but I think they’ve already given up on their season at 3-5, which is ridiculous in the NFC. The return of Vilma helped the defense a lot, and I expect them to give Ryan a tough time passing the ball, but the Falcons have too many weapons to be ignored. Falcons to win.

San Diego at Tampa Bay -3.0
How about Martin for the Bucs? Setting a rookie record, blasting for four touchdowns – against the Raiders. Who have the run defense of a wet paper bag full of pineapples. Look, it’s a great accomplishment but hold on, the Bucs don’t play someone with a bad run defense every week… or do they? The Chargers come to town with the 4th ranked rush defense… oh. These two 4-4 teams are very hopeful. One has a coach that makes terrible late game calls (Norv) and the other has a weasel coach who plays like a dick. I’m rooting for San Diego, but the Bucs win this game.

Denver at Carolina +3.0
The Panthers rank middle of the road on just about everything, and they play like it. Last weeks win was no indication of anything as far as I’m concerned. Newton has settled down a bit, but still isn’t finding Steve Smith. Give Smith the ball, let him make the plays. These running QB’s think they need to make all the plays. How’s that working out for Vince Young and Vick? Forget it. Manning shreds them through the air. Broncos to win.

Oakland at Baltimore -7.5
Well, the Ravens D proved something last week, that even without Ray Lewis they can sink down to the Browns level and play like shit. They almost gave that game away. Thankfully, the Raiders and their 30th ranked rushing offense shouldn’t crack the 27th ranked rush defense of the Ravens. 27th? Are you serious? The Raiders can spark at times, but it won’t be enough against the Ravens at home. Ravens to win.

NY Jets at Seattle -5.5
The Jets were on a bye last week, did anyone notice? Didn’t think so. Every time they put Tebow in, I wince. No one is falling for the trick plays, the running game is nonexistent and Sanchez is still mistake prone. The only bright spot is the secondary. The Seahawks are on a tear though, and I don’t think the Jets, in the loudest stadium in the league, are going to stop them. Hawks at home.

Dallas at Philadelphia +2.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Vick was sacked seven times last week. Romo played like he was made of fine china. These two QB’s are a constant disappointment to their franchises, yet are lauded as heroes. Why? I can’t figure it out. Bench both of them, see what happens. The Eagles are a joke right now, and losing at home to rival Cowboys should cause more than one riot. I’m looking forward to it. Cowboys to win.

St. Louis at San Francisco -11.0
The Rams, coming off a bye, are another disappointment. They won’t be a challenge for the Niners, who should be able to pass at will against them. The run might get stuffed a bit, for the first quarter. Niners at home.

Houston at Chicago -1.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
The 7-1 Texans against the 7-1 Bears. Both teams have exceptional offense. Both teams have exceptional defense, with the Bears edging the Texans a bit in that department. Seven TD’s already this season by the Bears defense. While Schaub is not that mistake prone, the Bears D plays for turnovers. Forte and Foster might get stuffed a bit in this one. Should be a hell of a good game. The only factor is weather, as the Texans play in that dome and the Bears play in the fucking snow. I’m taking the home team. Bears to win by like one point. Maybe in overtime.

Kansas City at Pittsburgh -11.5
Yeah, Steelers to win. Do I even need to say much more than that? KC is horrible. No passing game, a rushing game that by all accounts should be fantastic and a QB that loves to throw to the other team. Steelers by a bunch.

Bye week at Arizona
The golf course beckons. Don’t worry guys, you’ll be there soon.

Bye week at Green Bay
A much needed bye week for some injuries that need healing. Then it’s back to ass kicking.

Bye week at Washington
Once again, bad late game play calling and quarterback impatience ruined the game.

Bye week at Cleveland
For a team that sucks as bad as this one, they have a really positive social media team.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 9

Thursday, November 1st, 2012

At this point in the season I usually reveal my season percentage. Sadly, I haven’t been keeping real good track of my week to week record. I guess I could go back and add it all up, but I really don’t feel like doing that. You are welcome to do so though, last week I was 9-5 so you can tack that on to the previous weeks. If it helps, when I’m wrong – I’m royally wrong.

Well, the Cardinals did not upset the Niners last week, which means I didn’t get to look like a genius. In fact, Alex Smith looked like a playoff QB as he picked apart the Cardinals. Manning got a lot of praise as well as he picked apart the Saints secondary, and Tom Brady, well, he had the Rams in London. That game was pretty much a given for the Patriots. Then there was my boys, the Browns. The Browns beat the listless Chargers 7-6. Note the Browns tend to win or lose by single digits. They sink other teams right on down to their level. That’s why they are hard to pick. Wheedon isn’t looking half bad though.

I’ll tell you who is looking bad, Cam Newton. Last year he was on fire. His rookie year. People didn’t know what to expect. This year, his bag of tricks is all used up and he’s still making rookie mistakes, which are unforgivable at this point. He needs to buck up and start making better decisions. Speaking about better decisions, Vick didn’t turn over the ball at all this week and still managed to lose the game, even mentioning after the game that Reid might replace him at QB. Though the real loser was the Philly defense, who were working under a new coordinator. How’d that work out for you Reid? The Philly faithful are calling for his firing. I think it’s time.

In other news, those of you on the East Coast reading this, well, I hope you are reading this and not without power or stranded somewhere surrounded by shitty water. The rest of you can donate to Red Cross if you want to help. Don’t send food or clothes, just cash. In other, other news, it appears as if all games will be played this weekend, haven’t heard otherwise. So munch down on your kids Halloween candy and get ready for Week 9 picks!

Kansas City at San Diego -9.0
I don’t think there is a team worse than the Chiefs right now. The Chiefs are not playing inspired football. Quinn didn’t help, as went down with a head injury. Cassel made Carson Palmer look like John Elway. What a contrast. Meanwhile the Chargers are probably the most lethargic team in the league with that kind of offensive talent. What is going on there? I think they win this week, but hell, they aren’t going to catch the Broncos.

Denver at Cincinnati +3.5
Speaking about the Broncos, they looked great on Monday night as Manning systematically dismantled the New Orleans secondary. I don’t think he was pressured all night. If you don’t pressure Manning, he’ll kill you. I think the Bengals bring a shit ton of pressure on Manning and make this an exciting and close game, but I’m taking the Broncos. You’ll notice a lot of road teams are favored this week as well, but you have to be careful as statistics favor the home team.

Baltimore at Cleveland +3.5
Statistics in this match-up don’t favor the home team sadly. The Browns can never seem to beat the ex-Browns, at home or away. So is this the week? Should I put “upset special” up there? As much as I want the Browns to win, even with a depleted defense the Ravens are still offensively better than the Browns defense. However, I expect this to be another sickeningly slow, mistake prone close game. Ravens by a nose.

Arizona at Green Bay -11.0
After the Cardinals beat the Giants earlier in the season, and the Packers were losing I might have said that this could be a major upset. Since then, the Packers are back to dominating form and the Cardinals are pretty shitty. Skelton doesn’t have that star power, know what I mean? Packers are down a couple of receivers, but it doesn’t matter. Pack to win.

Chicago at Tennessee +3.5
The Bears had a tough game last week against the Panthers, and frankly, I was a bit surprised. They travel to visit the Titans, who blew it in overtime against the Colts. The Titans defense is terrible, I think losing Finnegan has hurt the secondary. Either way, the Cutler to Marshall connection can’t be beat right now, and Forte is earning his money, unlike Johnson, who will get stuffed by the Bears run defense. Bears to win.

Miami at Indianapolis +2.5
Well, a bit of Luck and the Colts are looking like they could challenge the Texans for the division. Maybe. Probably not. No fucking way. A late win against the Titans does not a division winner make, though Luck is showing great poise in the late stages of the game. Last week I said the Dolphins are playing with passion, and their whipping of the Jets proved that. With Tannehill questionable, and Moore bruised up, I still think the Dolphins win this game, just on defense alone.

Carolina at Washington -3.5
The Panthers are terrible right now. They showed some spark against the Bears, but that’s all it was. It wasn’t electricity. The Redskins have a little bit of that, but I still wonder if RG3 has that lasting power. He makes good, non rookie decisions, but still tends to run a bit too much. This should be interesting, with two running QB’s, but I’m taking the home team.

Detroit at Jacksonville +4.0
I immediately regretted picking the Seahawks to win last week, knowing that the Lions would pull of another last second win. Stafford is getting better at that. The Madden curse is strong for Calvin Johnson, now limping a bit after last week. He’s been a ghost this season, struggling with the double team and getting open. But just throw him the ball! However, this has opened up other lanes for Stafford. Adding Mike Thomas (in a trade with the Jags) this week will give Stafford even more options. Detroit wins this game, cause the Jags really do suck.

Buffalo at Houston -11.0
The Bills are a constant disappointment of bad play calling and timid defense. The Texans are going to kill them. The Bills need to be cleaned out from top to bottom. This organization has been sitting in the corner wearing the dunce cap for far too long. Texans to destroy them.

Tampa Bay at Oakland -0.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
The 3-4 Bucs meet the 3-4 Raiders in a re-match of what I call “The Gruden Bowl.” Good thing he’s not calling this shit bag of a game. The Bucs are hot one minute, not the next. This week they were hot against the Vikings on the road, the receivers standing up and making Freeman look real good. The Raiders looked good (by comparison) against the Chiefs, but still turned over the ball too much. That’s the key here, turnovers, and the Bucs get ‘em. Bucs to win on the road.

Minnesota at Seattle -5.0
Tough call here. Can I call a friend? Actual stat from NFL.com: “Christian Ponder has never played a game in the Pacific Time Zone in either college or the NFL.” This stat was tweeted by @scotthanson at the exact moment I was writing this paragraph. No bullshit. So what does that stat mean? It means he’s due. Maybe. The Hawks are playing tough, and Pete Carroll has shown he’s not afraid to take risks. It wasn’t enough against the Lions last week, but I think that Russel Wilson is better than Ponder, as far as poise and decision making. This game could be tough, they both play in loud stadiums, but this is a loud outdoor stadium. I’m taking the Hawks at home.

Pittsburgh at NY Giants -3.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
This is one of my favorite match-ups of the year. These two teams are tough on defense and unforgiving. The Steelers have a running game problem, but their back-up Dwyer ran strong last week, and like Bradshaw can hit holes hard and low. That sounded dirty. The key is going to be the Steelers defensive secondary. Can they stop Manning and his receivers? Probably not, but the Giants will have trouble with Big Ben as he thrives under pressure where Eli doesn’t. Pressure Eli, win the game. Also, get turnovers. I’m taking the Steelers to upset.

Dallas at Atlanta -4.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
Game of the week for two reasons. The first being that the Falcons are currently 7-0 and could go 8-0, the second being that the Cowboys are going to get exposed. Sure, they came back against the Giants last week, but six fucking turnovers by the Cowboys, four by Romo, should have led to an ass whupping, yet the Boys hung in there. Why? Cause the Giants let them. They toyed with them, gave Eli the ball and won the game. The Cowboys can’t do that. Matt Ryan can. Atlanta wins this game, because the Cowboys will not have fixed their turnover or Romo problem.

Philadelphia at New Orleans -3.0
Hey, how about that – Vick had no turnovers last week and still played like shit. The whole team did. The defense was terrible. Good thing they fired their coordinator. The Saints have no direction with no coach. Someone needs to step up and be a leader. Home in the dome, the Eagles in town and threatening any hope of a winning season, it’s now or never Saints. Do it. Saints to win.

Bye week at N.Y. Jets
Consistently proving they have no idea what they are doing. The NY Jets.

Bye week at St. Louis
For once, giving up is an option in the NFC West.

Bye week at San Francisco
Watch out Niners, the Hawks are looking tough.

Bye week at New England
Tom Brady has majestic hair.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 8

Thursday, October 25th, 2012

So yeah, when I tweeted out that I was looking at three fantasy football losses this past weekend due to my lack of Matt Ryan, the NFL’s official twitter replied to me, asking if I was leaning too much on Matty Ice. You are damn straight I was. I’m 5-2, 4-3 & 3-4 in my fantasy leagues. Matty Ice is the only reason I have any wins as it is. Between him and A.J. Green. And in the league that plays defensive players, the Atlanta D has been lights out. I’ve lost by close points, just bad match-ups on hot weekends by key players. The difference this year, is I’m not playing against myself. Most of my team is the same in all three leagues.

So this past weekend I was in transit from Chicago to Atlanta to Sarasota. I was only able to watch a bit of the Giants v. Redskins game and both of the 4pm games. That’s about it. Missed the Sunday night game, but I heard it was boring as shit. I was right on about that Patriots v. Jets game, with the Pats trying to lose the game via penalties and the Jets finally just giving up in overtime, as the offensive line just kind of stood there as the Pats front rushed by to cause the game winning fumble.

That Raiders game was ugly wasn’t it? I mean, Chad Henne and the Jaguars offense was bad enough without MJD in the game, but Carson Palmer was just terrible. Fumbles, throwing the ball around like a confused elderly patient… terrible. Tell you one thing though, that guy can take a hit. Thankfully, after a few years of being a glass doll, so can Matt Stafford. And he certainly got hit on Monday night against the Bears. So much so that it started a delightful meme, which is highlighted in the picture at top.

So needless to say, since I only watched three game really, missed NFL RedZone, this weeks picks are going to be a bit light in substance. I think. Who the hell knows when I get down there. On with the picks!

Tampa Bay at Minnesota -6.5
The Bucs almost stole that game from the Saints, or the Saints stole it from them. A smart defensive play to negate the tying TD was the difference maker. Meanwhile, I have no idea what the Vikings did, but I’m taking them again this week since they are looking stronger and stronger. Vikings to win.

Carolina at Chicago -9.0
Well, I was wrong about the Panthers this year, it appears they are terrible. That’s what they get for letting Cam Newton’s ego get out of hand. The Bears are tough. Watch out Carolina, you’re gonna get crushed. Bears to win.

San Diego at Cleveland +2.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!! UPSET SPECIAL!!
Someone asked me why I pick the Browns as my crapfest of the week so often. Uh, cause they suck? This week I’m picking them – again – to upset. Why do I keep doing this to myself? They get so close, yet suck so bad. But this year, so do the Chargers. Browns at home.

Seattle at Detroit -1.0
The Detroit defense shouldn’t leave the field, because the offense is terrible. You have to establish a run game to open up the pass, and they aren’t doing that and Stafford is getting crushed. The Seahawks are not out of the NFC playoff race, not by a long shot. I dunno who to pick here really. Flip a coin. Seahawks.

Jacksonville at Green Bay -13.0
Yeah, Packers have woken the fuck up. Good luck stopping Rodgers. Packers to win by like a billion.

Indianapolis at Tennessee -3.5
Neither of these teams is playing lights out football, but there is one thing that the Titans have that may change their season – a re-energized Chris Johnson. Yes, he was up against a terrible Bills run defense, but that may have been the boost he needed. The Colts aren’t much better in that department. Titans to win.

New England at St. Louis +7.0
Well hell, there is finally a leading team in the AFC East. It’s the Patriots, who have chosen once again to not play defense. Finally the offense snapped into position against the Jets, looking sharp in the 4th quarter. They’ll continue that this week as they pick apart the Rams. Pats to win.

Miami at NY Jets -1.0
Sanchez is terrible. I’m sticking by that. He gives up, his offensive line gives up and their trick plays are shit. Absolute shit. Miami wins this game because they look like they are trying to fucking win a game.

Atlanta at Philadelphia -1.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
How in the balls are the Eagles favored in this game? Even by one point. They have the most offensive turnovers, inexplicably fired their defensive coordinator because of it, and have a QB who is simply terrible. Meanwhile, the Falcons are undefeated and killing it. Yeah. Falcons to win.

Washington at Pittsburgh -4.5
RGIII is playing well, but by no means the greatest QB in the game right now. Pundits are eating his shit like it’s fucking gold mousse. Well Eli and the Giants showed RGIII what a game winning drive looked like last week, and now Big Ben is going to show him again. You have a lot to learn yet young buck. Steelers to win.

Oakland at Kansas City -1.0
Who cares? The Chiefs to win just to keep these teams out of contention for the division.

New York at Dallas +2.0
So just when I was writing off Dallas, they beat the Panthers. Well, they barely beat the Panthers. The Cowboys are still a mess and the Giants have never lost in that monstrosity of a stadium in Dallas. Giants to win.

New Orleans at Denver -6.0
Manning and crew are starting to get a system going here folks. Watch out. They are 3-3 and getting ready to blast off. They are so close, I can feel it. Fox has got to let Manning run the game though, and the offensive line has got to pay attention. The running game is fantastic. I think they beat the Saints this week, no bubbles no troubles.

San Francisco at Arizona +7.0
The Cardinals started out looking like the team to beat, but then the season started. At the same time, the Niners also fell from grace. While the Niners have recovered a bit, this is still a close race in the NFC West. There is only one losing record! This game is important for the Cards, as they can’t hope to win the division if they can’t beat the Niners at home. You know what? I’m taking the Cardinals to surprise upset the Niners. I might be wrong, but if I’m right, I look like a genius.

Bye Week at Baltimore
Ravens defense has taken too many injuries for this team to make the playoffs this year. Sorry Flacco.

Bye Week at Buffalo
What run defense?

Bye Week at Cincinnati
That loss to the Steelers hurts. A lot.

Bye Week at Houston
Trust me, this team does not want a bye week, not with the stretch of wins they’ve been on.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 5

Thursday, October 4th, 2012

cardinals

Whew. With the regular refs back I was able to find some solace in the consistency of the games this past weekend, going a pleasurable 10-5. I knew I shouldn’t have picked the Bucs to win a goddamn thing, and the Falcons cut it close, but all in all a good week to be picking games. The best was Monday night, when the Bears totally destroyed the Cowboys and then some. That was fantastic.

So there’s not too much to talk about this week. I’m going to keep it short and sweet, since the Presidential Debates are on soon (I write this column on Wednesday nights if you haven’t figured that out yet after all these years). I can’t tell who won from the debates, since I haven’t watched the debates yet even though you are reading this after the debates. We still have to vote though, not like it matters. The whole douchebag vs. a turd argument. It doesn’t matter. They are both dirty politicians out to protect the corporations and their financial interests, rather than the good of the people. On with the picks!

Arizona at St. Louis +1.0
I’ve seen better Thursday night games. A year ago this would be a hotly contested battle between two teams that weren’t going to win shit. This year, the Cardinals are undefeated and the Rams are coming off an upset win over the Hawks. The Cards have a tough road ahead of them, but the Rams shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. Their defense stepped up last week, but with only a few days rest and facing a very potent set of receivers, I’m sticking with the Cards in this one.

Miami at Cincinnati -3.5
The Dolphins are hilariously bad this season. Yet they hung in with the Cardinals last week… no fucking way. The Bengals are going to destroy the Dolphins on both sides of the ball. If you have a fantasy league in which you play defensive players, pick up every Bengals LB, CB and so on. Bengals to win.

Green Bay at Indianapolis +7.0
The Colts needed a week off to relax, work on some patterns and prepare for the Packers, a team looking to reassert themselves. The Colts could steal this game, because the Packers running game is still trying to find its legs. Regardless, the Colts defense is nothing to be proud of at this point, and allows a shit ton of rushing yards. Packers to win.

Baltimore at Kansas City +7.0
The Chiefs didn’t fare so well last week, biting it hard to the Chargers. This week, another road team rolls into KC looking for a pushover team. The Ravens have holes, the Browns exploited them for most of the game. Press coverage and flushing out the QB. Can KC pull that off? This is a game where I’d love to call a home team upset, but I just can’t. The Ravens defense is too good.

Cleveland at NY Giants -13.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!
I guess if there is any solace for the winless Browns, it’s that the Saints are also win-less. Though after this week, I’m thinking only the Browns will be win-less. Giants to win.

Philadelphia at Pittsburgh -2.5 GAME OF THE WEEK!
Always a fun game, this in-state rivalry is never without a little violence. The Steelers defense has one mission and one mission only – destroy Michael Vick. I’m pissed that the Eagles beat the Giants, that was bullshit. Vick isn’t any good, he just gets lucky. Harrison, smash! Steelers to win.

Atlanta at Washington +3.0
The Redskins played a close game against the Bucs, who had the win in hand then fucked it up. They are looking moderately okay, as long as the offense stays healthy. They still don’t have much of a running game. The Falcons, well, they are going to be near unstoppable this year. I smell an upset though, but I have to stick with the Falcons to win.

Seattle at Carolina -2.0
I guess I better start picking some home teams to win. Statistics demand it. The Panthers came on strong against the Falcons, but Cam Newton and his dumb fucking touchdown dance pissed off the football gods and they were handed a last second defeat, after a Cam Newton fumble. That’s right Superman. How’s that stupid fucking dance working out for you now? Regardless, the Panthers are offensively playing stronger than the Seahawks are playing defensively. Panthers to win.

Chicago at Jacksonville +6.0
No upset brewing here. Cutler and crew calmly destroyed the Cowboys on Monday night, handling Romo with ease, with five interceptions, two returned for TD’s. This veteran defense is playing amazing. The Jags have no chance. No chance. Bears to win.

Tennessee at Minnesota -5.5
At this point, after beating two good teams in a row (respectively good that is) the Vikings cannot be ignored. Their defense is playing amazing, at both the run defense and the secondary. Special teams play has also been great, with the runners finding the gaps and exploiting weak special teams defenses. The Titans have a weak everything. Vikings to win.

Denver at New England -6.5
Manning looked like his old self against the Raiders, but the Raiders defense blows chunks. I still think that Manning hasn’t clicked with his offensive line, and going into a hostile environment against a team that has a deadly offense will be trouble for Manning. He’ll be playing from behind, communication will be a problem. The key for Denver is taking the crowd out of it as quickly as possible, which means scoring first. This game could really go either way, if it was being played in Denver. Patriots to win at home.

Buffalo at San Francisco -8.0
For two quarters it looked like the Bills were going to pull off the upset last week, then they didn’t. They got beat and beat hard. Alex Smith makes better decisions though, so shouldn’t make as many mistakes. The Niners are up and down this year, and having trouble establishing any kind of solid rhythm. Last week, with the pistol offense, that was pure genius. A rout of the Jets was just what this team needed to get back on track. A rout of the Bills will help as well. Niners to win.

San Diego at New Orleans -3.5
The Chargers came alive last week while the Saints took another knife to the chest. But is any of this for real? A Saints fan pointed out the Saints could still finish 12-4, but with no competent coaching and a defense that appears to be asleep at the wheel, is that possible? As for the Chargers, they tend to appear in a win, better than they are. The Saints are going to wake up this week and win. That’s not a guarantee, but close to it.

Houston at NY Jets +9.0
The Jets have become my no-pick team this year. TEBOW! TEBOW! Houston to win.

Tampa Bay at Bye Week
Hmm… didn’t pick any upsets this week. In that case, the Bucs have a bad bye week.

Oakland at Bye Week
The Raiders, no high draft picks until like 2014… how’s that Carson Palmer trade working out for ya?

Dallas at Bye Week
When are they going to stop thinking Romo is any better than one of those tennis ball machines?

Detroit at Bye Week
Good. Megatron needs to rest up. All that running and no catching a tired receiver makes.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 4

Thursday, September 27th, 2012

Let’s put my personal record aside for a moment. How can I pick games properly when the replacement refs are clearly affecting the outcome? You might not think so, and I don’t fully blame the replacements as they are doing their best in a very tough situation, but the NFL has to realize that their product is being devalued right? They do, they just don’t care because we’re not going to stop watching. No matter how many coaches and players complain (mostly on the losing end) the NFL isn’t going to just give in to the refs, because there is money involved.

Here’s the deal, not only is the quality of the game being affected by blown calls and terrible pacing, but the players and coaches are getting a bit out of control. The replacements are unable to control the game, from keeping the pace to keeping the players and coaches in line. It’s a cluster fuck. Monday nights game was the tipping point for a lot of players and fans. There is a harsh truth about that Packers loss, that doesn’t fall solely on the backs of the refs. More on that in a minute.

So what can be done to fix this problem? Even if an agreement is reached, getting the refs back into the game would take at least two weeks with uniform re-fits and standard medical testing. But the NFL needs these guys back in the game now to keep this season from becoming one big joke. Again, the NFL really doesn’t give a shit unless revenue is affected. Do I think the real refs deserve everything they are asking for, like a pension plan? No, I don’t. They aren’t subject to the same physical punishment as the players. They don’t need a pension. Do I think the NFL should cave and give them whatever they want to maintain the integrity of the game? Hell yes. Let’s end this fuckery and get the NFL back. It’s bad enough we may not have any hockey as well.

As of this writing there are conflicting reports about the refs coming to a tentative agreement with the NFL owners. I don’t buy it, but we’ll see if something comes of it. The money of this should come to note, as apparently each owner would have to cough up around 100k to make this deal happen. I don’t know if that’s true, or if that’s a per season cost but I can’t imagine it’s much more than that anyway. I’d love to see the refs back on Thursday night, since you know that game is going to suck anyway. Even if they strike a deal tonight there is no way that they’ll be ready in time since the league switched from Reebok to Nike and fielding refs in Reebok gear would probably violate some other money making agreement, regardless of the safety issues. To the NFL, money is much more important than player safety. I think they’ve made that much clear.

UPDATE: They struck a deal. Regular refs will be back starting with tonight’s game. About fucking time.

Cleveland at Baltimore -12.5
There was one moment last week where I thought the Browns could pull it off and win against the Bills. That moment quickly passed and I wrote it off as gas. The Ravens finally got some revenge against the Patriots, but how much did the refs really have to do with that win? Well, there were some blown calls, some time management issues and yeah, the Ravens had some help. Regardless, they stayed close enough to beat out the Pats in the end. Ravens to win this week with relative ease.

Carolina at Atlanta -6.0
Only six points? The Falcons offense is shredding opponents. Last week my boy Ryan (my fantasy starter) went for 275 passing yards and three TD’s against the Chargers. Ok, the Chargers aren’t that great on defense. Whatever. The point is, the Falcons are probably the best in the NFC right now, and could face the undefeated Cardinals later this year. Carolina is tons of meh. Teams figured out Newton pretty damn quick and exposed him for the poor pocket passer he is. Falcons at home.

New England at Buffalo +4.5
The Patriots own the Bills. I mean, like property. The Bills have no chance, any season, no matter how good they are on offense. With Spiller out, there is no way Tashard Choice carries this team the rest of the way. I’m putting a fork in them. Their rushing game was all they had. Just skating by the Browns isn’t bolstering any confidence in the rest of the offense. Pats to win.

Minnesota at Detroit -0.0
When the Vikings went for it on 4th down early in the game I smelled upset. Sure, I picked the Niners to win – who didn’t? And that upset brewed and was served up nice and delicious. Sucks for the Niners. The Vikings suddenly looked like a playoff caliber team, even if Ponder was still a bit shaky and relied mostly on pitches and the running game. The Detroit defense is just as tough as the Niner defense, but are more likely to show up this week after a heartbreaking loss in over time last week to the Titans. I’m taking Detroit at home.

San Diego at Kansas City +1.0
Yeah, I’m not sold on the Chargers this year. They started off a little bit hot, then certainly fizzled. The Chiefs have done the opposite of that, starting off with two losses then a crazy overtime win against the falling Saints. The Chargers have not found a good running game, while the Chiefs have found a really good running game. I don’t think the Chargers fare well this week and I’m taking the Chiefs to surprise them.

Seattle at St. Louis +3.0
This has been one batshit crazy season hasn’t it? Last week was one of my worst ever for picks, with three overtime games that I got wrong. Not to mention games are 15% longer due to the crappy officiating. One thing is for sure though, the Seahawks are surprising the crap out of everyone. That was a shit win, but a win nonetheless and the Seahawks are looking to take the division lead. They’ll have to pray Arizona loses first. This week, they face a Rams team that isn’t ready to give up, even though they got whipped by Chicago. There is a lot of parity in the league this year, and I’m taking the Rams to rebound this week and put the Hawks in their place.

San Francisco at NY Jets +3.0
In probably one of the cleanest games (as far as officiating is concerned) this weekend, the Jets pulled out an overtime win. That’s because both the Jets and Dolphins sucked for 4 1/2 quarters. I thought it was going to be a tie. The Jets kept trotting out Tebow like some fucking novelty, which never paid off. C’mon, just start him at tight end already. The Niners shouldn’t have too much of an issue with the Jets terrible offense, even though their defense showed some major holes last week. Niners to win.

Tennessee at Houston -10.5
The Titans got their first win of the season, 44 points and Jake Locker was their leading rusher. That speaks more to how much the Lions were sucking it rather than the Titans being awesome. This week, at Houston, who is scary dominant and undefeated the Titans will see if Schaub still remembers how to pass after the whack he took last week. Regardless, even if he’s forgotten, they can just give the ball to Foster all day. Texans to win.

Oakland at Denver -5.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Who ever thought that Peyton would be in a game I’m calling a crapfest? He’s been terrible this year, and it’s his fault. Here’s why – he expects his Denver line to play just like his Colts line did all those years. But that relationship took time to develop, with all his quirks. He won’t get that synergy with this line. So he’ll continue to be terrible. The Raiders are coming off their most violent game of the season, so that should make this one fun to watch. Denver to win.

Miami at Arizona -6.0
I can’t see the Dolphins winning much more than a bowling trophy this year. The Cardinals are coming off another huge win, Kolb cock smacking Andy Reid and the Eagles like a bitch. The undefeated Cardinals are going to punish the Dolphins right in the blowhole. Cards to win.

Cincinnati at Jacksonville +1.0
I think by some stroke of luck, the Jags got lucky. Oh wait, they did. Wait, that sentence is redundant. Either way, a nice game ending 80 yard pass to who-dat Cecil Shorts was all the Jags needed to win their first game of the season. The Bengals, well, they shoved the Redskins around like playground bullies, on defense and offense. Bengals to win.

New Orleans at Green Bay -5.0
Headlines are blaming the refs for the Packers loss at Seattle, in which the Packers scored a terrible 12 points. Rodgers averages 28 points per game, highest of any QB and you are going to blame the refs? If the Packers were up by 30 the last play of the game wouldn’t matter, that would have been a garbage touchdown. Sure, that call at the end was crap, but so fucking what? The Packers offense was stinking the whole game. Blame the offense. Blame McCarthy for playing like a pussy with a 12-6 lead for most of the game. Blame the Packers receivers for not getting open. After the game Rodgers said “We shouldn’t have been in that position.” Damn straight. You should have been up by 3 TD’s at that point. Plus, that was bad defense by the Packers. A pass up in the end zone like that – you knock it down. You don’t try to catch. Knock it down! Yes, the refs missed a clear offensive pass interference call, but it doesn’t matter. The bottom line is to that point, the Packers played like shit on offense and didn’t deserve to win that game. Had Jennings punched that ball out of the air, or Tate’s reach instead of fighting for the catch, we wouldn’t even be having this convo. Or if the refs had flagged Tate for shoving Shields to the ground. Regardless, bad call or not, the Packers played like shit the whole game and deserve to be 1-2. Regardless, the 0-3 Saints are lost, drifting like non-pressure treated wood in the aftermath of Katrina. Too soon? Packers to win.

Washington at Tampa Bay -3.0
The city of Tampa sports bobbleheads think because the Bucs held Romo in check most of the game last week that they are ready to bust out of their shell and become a quality team. Whatever. The Bucs are not going to blast off into the playoffs. But they are going to beat the Redskins, who are struggling to figure out if they have a running game outside of RG3, who is going to get killed this week. Bucs to win.

New York at Philadelphia -1.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
This is the game of the week, to me, because I think this is the game where the Eagles get put away for good this season. Sure, it would only drop them to 2-2, but they were exposed for the shit offense they are last week as the Cardinals just tore them up. Vick is a fraud and will be either out injured or benched after this game. Giants to win.

Chicago at Dallas -3.5 UPSET SPECIAL!!
Sure the Bears are on the road, but the Cowboys are nothing spectacular right now. The Bears can halt the run with relative ease and Culter is finding great rhythm with his receivers. I’ve got the Bears mauling the Cowboys, even if the game is in that monstrosity of a stadium in Dallas.

Indianapolis at Bye Week
The Colts have got to work on getting Luck to not overthrow his receivers. That’s some rookie shit that he’s got to overcome.

Pittsburgh at Bye Week
The Steelers are getting old. That is all.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: Week 2

Thursday, September 13th, 2012

Terrible first week by my standards. I went a horrible 9-7. I don’t think I’ve done that bad since some time last year. I can’t believe that I picked the Chiefs over the Falcons. What was I thinking in that one? I must have been on drugs or something. I wasn’t, but man my head must not have been in the right place. I did say the Niners could upset, but I picked Green Bay and fuck the Cowboys.

So now that we’ve gotten a regular season look at all the teams (if you have NFL RedZone that is) what do we think? We think that the Niners are going to be near unstoppable, the Panthers looked flat and RGIII was very solid in his debut while the other rookie QB’s were a bag of suck. We learned that Manning didn’t lose a step and the Browns and Bills organizations apparently don’t know that they play football. We also learned that the replacement refs make the same stupid mistakes that the regular refs do, with only some time management issues being the glaring mistakes.

So now we’re on to week 2, which starts tonight as the Bears meet the Packers. That’s not too much rest for either of these teams, so we’ll see how they do. Wait, that bit should be in the prediction. I’m aiming for a better week this week, something in the 11 or 12 win range. So without any further fanfare (unlike an Apple press event) on with the picks!

Chicago at Green Bay -4.0
Well, Brandon Marshall was simply amazing. I really regret not drafting him on my fantasy team. Speaking of that, two out of three fantasy team wins this past weekend. Not too shabby. I’m having a little trouble in the league that scores defensive players individually, as I don’t think I picked the right ones. May have to do a trade or something. Anyway, the Bears coasted to an easy win over the Colts, who still looked like they don’t have Peyton Manning. Marshall was there at every turn, giving Cutler a reliable target. I liked the steady pace of the Bears offense, you could tell that Mike Martz was no longer doing shit to muck it up. The Packers NFC dominance is over. I’m calling it. Code! Crash cart! In fact, at this point I’d like to change my prediction and pick the Bears to win the division. I’m going to start here, Bears win on the road.

Kansas City at Buffalo -3.0
Memo to Bills staff: “Considering the state of our organization and the fact that we haven’t won any playoff game in 11 years, we will be cancelling Hawaiian shirt Friday. This may come as a shock to most of you in the front office, but aside from the fact that Chan refuses to button the top three buttons of his shirt, we have no choice but to pick this particular activity to cancel. There will also be no more free cupcakes on Thursdays in the break room, and you’ll have to bring in your own coffee filters. We are also holding open tryouts for the following football positions: QB, WR, LB, OT, DE, TE, SS, CB, RB, K, P, DT. Please apply with Maggie in HR. That is all.” Chiefs to win on the road.

Cleveland at Cincinnati -7.0
The Bengals running game was the only bright spot last week, which is good considering they were playing the Ravens. Green was basically shut down for most of the game and the defense was unable to contain anything including their lunches. The drubbing by the Ravens exposed a lot about this team, mostly that Marvin Lewis (as expected) is a big hairy pussy. There is no will to win in his coaching style. The Browns face a similar situation in Shurmur, just no will to win. The defense was stellar against the Eagles, but that might have been a fluke. The Browns will lose this week, Wheedon will get sacked and hurried and rushed a lot, but I think we’ll learn how bad these two teams are gonna suck this year. Bengals at home.

Minnesota at Indianapolis +5.0
Do I have to pick this game? Does it seem like more teams suck this year than are stellar? I can’t decide if this game is going to be worse than the one above it or the one below it. I’m so confused. The Colts were meh as they were completely outmatched by the Bears. Bright spots; Luck looked okay, Donald Brown looked great on the ground. Brown and his production is going to be the key to this team getting their shit together. The secondary needs to step up if they want to compete against premiere quarterbacks. That’s a real hurt on this team. Marshall smoked them, sometimes in double coverage. The Vikings roll in, fresh off a lucky OT win over the hapless Jags. Ponder looked like warm crap on your tire, but somehow pulled it off by going to the TE route and Peterson as often as possible. I’m going out on a limb here and taking the Colts to upset, again, cause I want to see Luck get his first win.

Oakland at Miami +3.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Something you don’t ever want to hear in professional football: “bring in the back-up long snapper!” That was doom for the Raiders as kicking mistakes handed the Chargers an easy win. If not for that, the Raiders might have had a chance to come into Miami with a win. As it is, both these teams are looking for their first win, but I don’t think the Dolphins are up to the task. Tannehill was atrocious, probably the worst rookie performance on Sunday. I dunno. I didn’t look at the stats, he just looked bad. The Dolphins are really having trouble adjusting to a new defensive pattern, missing coverages and tackles all over the place. I expect the Raiders to come in with a thirst for blood and I expect them to find some for slurping. Raiders to win on the road.

Arizona at New England -13.0
After last week, do I really have to pick another New England game? I predicted them at 16-0 so I suppose I can save some typing and just say Patriots to win. However, the Cardinals should give them some trouble, if they take Tom Brady’s parking spot. The Cardinals saw Skelton go down and Kolb take over to lead the team past the Seahawks last week, a slight feat considering that division. A two touchdown line is generous. Pats to win. I already said that. Pats to win all season.

Tampa Bay at NY Giants -9.0
What can I say about the team that I hate the most? The Bucs were surprisingly good last week, both on defense and on the ground. Not to mention the rush defense which stifled the Panthers. I did not see that coming. Regardless, now they face a team that has tons of weapons on offense, which will really test the Bucs defense. I think the Bucs defense has made a good turnaround and looks like they could seal some games for the lackluster offense this year, but I’m not placing any major bets. Eli and the Giants are too good for that. But wait, the Giants lost to the Cowboys last week! How did that happen? Well, it happened with bad secondary coverage and Romo looking like the quarterback everyone seems to think he is. The Bucs don’t have that kind of passing game to severely threaten the Giants secondary, but they need to be on their game. Giants to win.

Baltimore at Philadelphia -1.0
Are you kidding me with this fucking line? Did Flacco sustain a head injury that we don’t know about? The Ravens trashed the Bengals last week, while the Eagles struggled against one of the worst teams in the league. Are you oddsmakers telling me that you think Vick will throw any less interceptions against the Ravens superior defense than he did against the Browns? Vick was lucky to get out of there with a win and all his freaking ribs. This is a joke. Ray Rice is a beast and crushed it last week. There is no way that the Eagles defensive line is any better than the Browns. This is a gross miscalculation. Ravens to win.

New Orleans at Carolina +6.5 UPSET SPECIAL!!
I didn’t think that I’d see an 0-1 Saints team meeting up with an 0-1 Panthers team. The Saints were completely surprised by the abject accuracy of RGIII and the lack of Will Smith and Vilma on defense showed. Not to mention the lack of leadership in not having a coach on the field. This team is hurting right now and it was apparent last week. Meanwhile, the Panthers took it in the tailpipe from the Bucs, especially when it came to the running game. The good news for them is that Jonathan Stewart will play against the Saints. This is a tough one to call, but I’m thinking the Panthers are going to rebound before the Saints do. Cam knows what to do. Panthers to upset.

Houston at Jacksonville +7.0
Forget it. Arian Foster proved why he was the top fantasy pick in so many leagues, or if not the top – the first picked running back. When he sees the opportunity to shred a lousy team for tons of yards and touchdowns he does, and he did against the Fins last week. Then you tack on the Shaub to Johnson connection and you can’t beat this team on offense. The Jags defense won’t be able to keep up, even though they contained the game against the Vikings. The Jags are still looking for their offense to click, MJD and Jennings are sharing carries and neither looks like they showed up for training camp. Florida teams are in for a bad year and it sucks to say that the Bucs are the best of the three of them. Texans to win on the road.

Washington at St. Louis +3.0
Bradford found himself in too much trouble last week to really consider his performance. While he was able to rally the team to keep in the game against the Lions, he was rushed way too much to be able to keep the score up. The Redskins found their offense, finally, after all these years of bad quarterbacks, bad ownership and bad coaching. RGIII is the real deal and was terribly accurate the entire game, finding his way out of pressure and making the right connections. Helu got back into the game, looking better than he has in a few seasons. And did you know, the kids aren’t Tebowing anymore, they are RGIII’ing or something like that. You know when he sat down and raised his hands after that long touchdown pass to Garcon, that. The bad news is Garcon went out after that, not sure if he’s back in this week. Shouldn’t matter, should still be a win. The Redskins are gonna make the NFC East interesting this year. Skins to win on the road.

Dallas at Seattle +5.0
Dallas. Look, Russell Wilson actually looked pretty good against the Cardinals last week, I mean, compared to Wheedon. He made some passes, Sidney Rice caught some balls and they still lost the game. The Seahawks are held together with that clear plastic tape that doesn’t work well for boxes. The Cowboys roll in, fresh off a win over the reigning Super Bowl champs. That’s enough for me. The Cowboys defense was strong, their running game was tight and Romo looked like a bon-a-fide QB. I may have underestimated the Cowboys this season. If they blowout the Hawks, I may have to change my thinking on this team.

NY Jets at Pittsburgh -6.0
It’s really hard to judge the Jets at this point because the Bills are horrible. A win was a no-brainer. Sanchez was passing to every receiver that he had on the field and every time either him or Tebow lined up out of the QB position I grumbled a little bit because it was pretty damn obvious what they were doing. I do like how Tebow came out on the hands team on that Buffalo onside kick and got the ball, that was amusing. Every time the two of them were on the field I just wanted to laugh. I thought I was watching playground football. I didn’t see much of the Pittsburgh loss, I was doing something else, I always am during the Sunday night game, kind of on in the background. All I know is that a quality QB smoked their secondary and an aging RB smoked their run defense. The Jets could be trouble for the Steelers, but I think the Steelers rebound on this one at home and sneak by the Jets. Steelers to win.

Tennessee at San Diego -6.0
Well, Jake Locker was another rookie Qb with another less than stellar debut. He ended up leaving the game a bit early, injured and Hasselbeck came into the game. To that point, it didn’t really matter as they were up against the best offensive team in the league. This week, they come to sunny San Diego, where Rivers and crew is feeling the pinch without a prime reciever after Jackson left. The only reason the Chargers won as because of messed up kicking by the Raiders. So you have the Titans, who aren’t too bad on the run defense and the Chargers who aren’t too great on the run. This is a toss up for me, but I’m taking the home team, Chargers to win.

Detroit at San Francisco -7.0 GAME OF THE WEEK!!
This is my game of the week because while winning over Green Bay was pretty impressive, the Niners need to do it two weeks in a row for me to really crown them the new kings of the NFC. The Packers looked like they hadn’t played football in a while, and if you think about it – their defense hasn’t. Their defense was coasting all year last year because of the offense. Well, the offense sputtered against the Niners and the defense wasn’t ready to step up. The Lions defense is always stepped up, at least for the last year. They have to be. Kevin Smith had a killer game last week, just tearing it up on the ground. I like this guy at RB. But the Niners defense is the bestest! He’ll have trouble finding the holes this week. I’d like to see the Lions make a game of it, but I think the Niners are just too damn good right now. Even Moss is scoring touchdowns. Niners at home.

Denver at Atlanta -3.5
I made a mistake last week picking the Chiefs to beat the Falcons. I don’t know what I was thinking. Matt Ryan is my starting fantasy QB. He had four fucking touchdowns. Four! You can’t bet against that. And now they get their first home game against the Denver Mannings? I dunno. I don’t know how I can pick against Manning. I mean, he played like he had just taken a week off to fold umbrellas or something. He hasn’t lost a step, ran the offense and took care of business against a high class defense. The Falcons defense is good, but I dunno if they are Manning good. This is going to be an offensive shootout. There has got to be some stat about Manning on Monday night, so I’m running with it. Denver to upset.

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