In my travels around the web yesterday, I noticed some people talking about article in the NY Times called For Some Parents, Shouting Is the New Spanking by Hilary Stout.
This is something I’ve been thinking a lot about and was curious to get some other parents opinions on.
I’ve been known to raise my voice to the kids. It is weird because I don’t have a temper for the most part and usually if I get in a heated discussion or argument with someone I go ice cold and direct. But, when it comes to the kids they stress me out to the point where I’d just snap and the only way to get through to them would be to yell. I always feel bad about it and depending on the reasons for it I usually end up apologizing after the fact for raising my voice or yelling and having a regular conversation about what they did wrong or whatever it was that set me off.
Of course this goes against everything we have taught them about how any discussion can be had with a leveled voice. We try to always leave attitude at the door and have regular conversations no matter what it is. But, we both break that from time to time as this morning quickly reminded me.
Several months back (maybe even longer now) I was talking with my sisters and one of them made a remark about how they never remember our Dad ever raising his voice at us. I keep thinking about that every time I do raise my voice and the weird thing is that I don’t remember him ever doing it. When he reads this I’m curious what his memories will be.
I grew up in a household where I knew that if I stepped out of line I’d be in trouble. That was crystal clear and has kept me on a pretty straight path my whole life. Yet, my parents were laid back and didn’t raise their voices. How did that work? In the times where I was really getting on their nerves or pushing all the wrong buttons how was it that they kept it level and didn’t yell. Self control is a great thing, but it only goes so far right?
I don’t have the answers. I’ve never claimed to, but this is a topic I’ve been thinking a lot about and the NY Times piece really got me thinking about it and I wanted to know what other parents thought about this.
Do you yell at your kids? Do you feel bad after?
My answer is certainly yes to both, but I want to hear your stories.