Last year I went to a parent-teacher presentation regarding fathers supporting sons in school. I thought it would be cool to actually meet other guys instead of walk to and from the drop off zone like an automatron dad – the aloof asocial guy that qualifies his presence on the school ground as an overt act of duty, but certainly not for mingling.
Mine was a friendly hope of an opportunity in going to this presentation: to meet dad’s in the neighborhood in order to be able negotiate play dates. Living in the city downtown core does not lend itself to neighborhood kids gathering on the street to play touch football during the four o’clock rush hour, so one has to continually improvise a kids life in the urban setting – thankfully there’s a beach, with a coffee shop. This presentation, however, turned out to be one of those nightmarish moments when you realize that you’ve walked onto the stage while the audience is waiting for your dismemberment.
Awkwardly feeling, I entered 5 minutes late (Joe time), then noticing that I was one of four guys in a room of twenty-five parents. The speaker was a guy, so I figured that he was going to share with the women the struggles fathers and boys share with regards to the school system. I sat down and the presenter began to go on and on about the difficulties women have with their husbands/partners who sit and watch hockey all afternoon and the weekends. How these men are disinterested in helping or being supportive of their son’s education or learning. That the boys then copy the modeling of their father by sitting around to watch the hockey game and begin to act disinterested in education as well. These fathers (me being one of the ones displayed) are the ones who are responsible for the failing grades that boys are getting. That boys are now falling behind in math, science, English, social studies, etc.
On and on he went, grating on my nerves, so I decided to break the father-bashing buzz by putting my hand up: Excuse me?
I said: If we’re talking about how boys are not learning math skills and how they’re modeling their father’s behavior, then what are mother’s doing to encourage this? You might not change the father, but are mother’s inviting their sons into the kitchen? Recipes are all about math, chemistry, and if you’re cooking Mexican food then you start talking about social studies and culture. Traditionally women have been quick to include their daughters into the kitchen but not their son’s, so how are mother’s contributing to the delinquency of our boys in school?
From that point on, let’s just say the room remained icy quiet. In front of a group full of female piercing eyes, the presenter agreed that there were ways that mother’s could encourage their son’s, but then he continued with his lecture about how fathers are failing sons- except, it only had a more resounding father-bashing tone to his message.
For the rest of the time, no one said a word. Mother’s did not shuffle and the few available fathers folded their arms with greater irritation. The presentation finished, a clique of women huddled, the men got up and left, and the rest just bumped around each other like a set of pinballs. The distance between communication and educational support couldn’t have become any greater of a divide – abysmal really.
Since then, there hasn’t been another presentation on the same topic, I haven’t met other dads in the neighborhood, mothers from the clique became more distant, and dads, in general, have remained comfortable within the automatron order.
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The shoe cables a repent reward near the visible.