Posts About ‘parenting’

Wii Sofa King

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

Yesterday  on Twitter, I mentioned,

“I am not completely sold on gesture gaming like the Wii being the future. It definitely is changing the scope of gaming, but not for me.”

Having recently sold my Wii, I had been reflecting on my motivation for purchasing it in the first place — because I had bought into the idea of interactive games, believing it to be the future of gaming.

I should mention, I am an avid (read: hardcore) video game enthusiast and like a large number of fathers my age (or expectant fathers like myself) — I have been playing for most of my life.

All of which is to say that any technological advance in the video game industry is quite likely going to pull at my game playing heartstrings with some level of success.  But with motion and gesture gaming as part of the mainstream, where children, parents, and grandparents alike are now active gamers, I find myself dissatisfied with the prospect of this new frontier being acknowledged as the future of gaming.

Especially where children are concerned.

Photo by Scott Richard’s Photography

Continuing my rant online, I followed-up by suggesting that,

“Many parents would argue to the contrary — but i’d guess they are allowing video games to replace the power of imagination for their kids.”

While I am just over a month before leveling-up to full-blown status as a father, I feel compelled to highlight the fact that parents would argue that gesture and motion gaming like the Wii or Microsoft’s Project Natal for the XBOX 360 are the future because it raises their activity level by putting them in motion.

Concluding my entitled and unsolicited opinion slinging on Twitter, I declared,

“The argument that gesture/motion gaming gets kids off the sofa (to me) implies that parents weren’t doing it right in the first place.”

I did receive some honest commentary that suggested,

“Here’s what many parents don’t like to confess; you let kids play video games b/c it buys peace and quiet. Uncomfortable to admit.”

I don’t doubt that what was mentioned is true for a large majority of parents whose children actively play video games.  My contention is with the fact that this passive escape could be the reason parents agree that gesture and motion gaming is the future; because it gets them off the sofa (and affords the parents a brief reprieve from, you guessed it — being a parent).

As a professed hardcore gamer, and someone who is likely to allow my own son to play later on in his life, that notion is one I have difficulty understanding and agreeing with 1) because it still somehow implies that playing video games are bad unless 2) they get your kid off the sofa and 3) it removes accountability for the parent, normally charged with encouraging an active lifestyle for their child (out in the world).

I am sure there are many of you who struggle with the same thing.  It is an interesting conversation I hope to see take place here on Digital Dads.  There is nothing wrong with your child being a sofa king.  A little hand/eye coordination never hurt anyone.

There is something wrong with parents, however, who allow their children to forego a little imagination off the sofa, away from the console, and out in the world.  Perhaps you disagree? If so, why?

Rules for My Unborn Son

Sunday, January 17th, 2010

With the birth of my son on the horizon, I find myself overwhelmed with advice from well meaning family, friends and strangers.  Despite their good intentions, I promptly ignore 99% of what I am told in favor of knowing that fatherhood is a different experience for everyone — which depends largely on the type of father you turn out to be.

I recently picked up Walker Lamond’s Rules for My Unborn Son while browsing at a local bookstore.  For me the book is timely and also timeless — Lamond’s insights are curated wisdom from his father, thinkers, historical figures, adventurers, hard workers, sports icons, entertainers and his own experience of becoming a man.

In his own words, To get some things straight before I get old and uncool, Lamond’s Rules for My Unborn Son is a map for boys who aspire to become and live as good men.  Lamond’s rules are presented as a clever series of tenets that encompass all aspects of life that will take you on a journey from boy to man and along the way, Rules does its best to reinforce the essence of a good man.

Rules-for-My-Unborn-Son

The highlight of reading Rules for My Unborn Son is that it took me on a journey through my own life — I could remember exactly when (and how) I came to learn similar rules — and that following them (or not) had a significant impact on my life:

“You won’t always be the strongest or fastest. You can be the toughest.”

“Don’t boast about projects in progress. Celebrate their completion.”

“You are what you do, not what you say.”

Lamond’s Rules is a genuine and sincere attempt to impart worthwhile knowledge while shedding light on the many experiences a boy will have that shapes his outlook on life as a man.  Fathers, or those who would be, will enjoy Rules for My Unborn Son for its simple and practical thoughts and for the way it moves you and your son to explore the meaning of manhood.

Walker Lamond’s Rules for My Unborn Son can be purchased online and new rules are published regularly on the 1001 Rules for My Unborn Son .

Choice vs. Sacrifice

Monday, December 7th, 2009

Choices.  We all have to make them.  As an expectant father, I am already making a number of choices when it comes to the impending birth of our son.

Decisions like whether or not to buy a new car after having only recently established our carless hustle (a little more than a year ago), whether or not to invest in a nanny or look into a more generalized childcare program, whether or not to paint his room one color or another — there are so many choices to make, but none of them weigh as heavily as the possibility of what many refer to as sacrifice.

Throughout the pregnancy we have made choices that will impact the life we lead as well as the life we provide for our son when he touches down next Spring.  None of them, however, have felt like a sacrifice.  Together we made the willing choice to become parents and bring a child into this world.

In that regard we are no different than a host of parents that live and breath today and those who came before us.  Still, in the short time we have been expecting, I suspect that there are those who believe (and have suggested) that there is some inherent sacrifice I must make.  Something to give up.  Something to lose.

dykc-comics-shelf

As an example, for the past two or three years our second bedroom has been a haven for my passion surrounding comic books.  Over time I have consumed quite a bit — rare prints, limited edition figures and other collectables.  In fact it has been referred to as the comics room by family and friends alike.

When said family and friends discovered that we were having a baby and that I had made a decision to clear the comics room of any evidence of having previously existed — let me be blunt and say some of them lost their minds. (Shown above, one of my semi-full comics shelves, relocated to the livingroom).

From all sides I was being questioned about the fact that I was giving up or losing the comics room.  Some even went so far as to suggest this is how it begins.  In their minds, by clearing the room and ensuring our son had a place that he could grow into and call his own, I was making the ultimate sacrifice.

Granted, the comics room was unique (i.e. unrivaled by even the most committed of comics fanboys) — the choice to pave the way for my son to have his own place in our home was a proud one for me to make and I find myself elated.

The question remains, if you choose to bring a child into this world — is there an inherent sacrifice as well?  For me personally, the answer is no, there is not.  There are, however, choices to make — What are the ways we can show our son love?  How will we raise him to learn and understand solid values?  Throughout his life, during the many times he may slip and fall, what will be the best way to pick him up?

I believe it is impossible to consider any decision regarding our son a sacrifice.  There are only choices and I have made mine.  Marinate.

Everything Changes

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

The first thing that came to mind, when five months ago  my wife told me we were having a baby, was that everything changes.

In general I have no idea what will change or exactly what will be.  What I do know is that this narrative, which is my life, is about to hit that point where the plot thickens and the twist will rearrange our  whole hustle like an F-5 tornado.

dykc-ultrababy

Case in point — I no longer have the luxury of considering the passage of time in years.  Time itself has changed.  Everything is now measured in weeks.

When I mentioned to another pregnant couple we were five months along, they looked at me like I haven’t read the prenatal equivalent of The Handbook for the Living and the Dead.

Exercising my short-term thinking is a challenge for me in this situation.  I tend to look at the big picture and consider things holistically.   Just over four months from now, our son will be born.  It would have been nine months that we were awaiting his arrival.  At three months we heard him and saw him for the first time.

My natural tendency to consider things in longer terms is likely an inherent self-defense.  Months take a while to pass.  A week, however, is just a few days in total.  Maybe this is why there are so many dead-beat-dads.  Perhaps they wash-out before their child is born and are unable to cope when they finally arrive – because it all happens so fast.

What I have learned so far from this experience is that the more things grow, both literally and figuratively,  the more micro they become when I regard them (and keeping things short has actually allowed me to wrap my frontal lobe around what our new life is going to be about).

As of today, we are 21-weeks into the pregnancy.

Marinate.

Becoming a Dad

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

I remember when I first found out that I was going to be a father. I was filled with excitement, fear, joy and a bunch of other emotions that you can’t really express unless you’ve been there.

Back then we were living in Virginia and away from all of our family and friends. The decision of how and when to tell people is never an easy thing to do, but we made the best of it and figured it out. We didn’t have things like Twitter or Facebook to tell masses of people at one time, so the news trickled out slowly and surely and it was always fun to have new people find out and get in touch.

This morning my good friend Clarence told the world that he is going to be a poppa and he did it in a way that I’ve never been part of before. He did it by posting the comic below on one of his projects called Planet Wifey. I’ve known about the news for a bit and I’m glad he got the chance (and felt that we were close enough) to tell me in person, but I love that so many other people will find out from this comic.

Planet Wife 2009-10-02

The one thing I tell every guy who tells me they are going to be a Dad for the first time is the same thing a friend from Bentley told me when I told him the news.

He looked me in the eyes and said, “You think you know that you are going to be a Dad, but you really don’t yet. Just wait and at some point, somewhere the news is really going to hit you and then you’ll know you are going to be a dad.”

I laughed it off and then I remember being at a red light, months later on my way home from work when this wave of “oh shit I’m going to be a Dad!” washed over me. I broke down crying and was filled with an even bigger mix of emotions then I had before. I laughed at myself as I realized this is what my friend meant. Now I knew I was going to be a dad.

So, now I give that same bit of advice to every new dad. I also always recommend The Expectant Father: Facts, Tips and Advice for Dads-to-Be as my book of choice for guys to read. I read them all and that is the one that stuck with me and was actually written in a way that a guy wants to read and I respected that.

Congrats to Clarence and to all the new Dads out there. It feels like something is in the water lately because there are a lot of new babies on the horizon.

What advice do you give to your friends when they tell you they are becoming fathers? I’d love to hear!

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Stress Comes From Being a Good Dad

Friday, December 26th, 2008

Being a Dad is the most rewarding thing in the world and if you are doing it right then it has moments that are nothing but pure stress.

The Boy and MeYesterday was one of those days. Dylan did some stupid stuff at school and my afternoon went straight from cruising along to permanent distraction from the stress of his actions. I kept trying to get back to the pile of things I wanted to get done, but I just couldn’t focus. I hadn’t had something like that sideline me in a long time.

Everything is fine and in the grand scheme of life it is not a big deal, but it was one of those life lessons that a father has to teach a son.

We took a walk out into the woods behind our house to this big boulder and sat on that for a while talking about a lot of different things. It was a good bonding moment and one that I hope sticks with him. Plus, for me it got me in the woods where I can always re-balance and calm down. My “cathedral of the pines” as I’ve called it more then once.

There are a lot of core values that as a Dad I must instill in my son. I know that as he turns 10 in a few weeks those lessons are going to continue to become even more important and that things are not going to get any easier. Double digits? Wow did that sneak up on me!

I wouldn’t trade being a Dad for anything in the world, but damn it can deliver a mean right hook to your brain some times! *laugh*