In other news, right now it’s around 6am pacific time as I’m writing this. The only reason that is significant is that I’m in Los Angeles attending the L.A. Auto Show. I wasn’t sure if there was even going to be a column this week, due to my schedule. But I can’t let my biggest fan @mbletsch down. So, I have about an hour to write this, so I’m going to knock down the normal 3000 word column and do the quick version. Each game will still be represented, my analysis is just going to be a bit more brief. So, let’s get it on! I’m getting hungry for some trendy breakfast.
Featured Game
Philadelphia at NY Giants Line: -3.5
This game is featured cause this is where the Eagles disappear. This where Sportscenter stops talking about the mathematical posibility of the Eagles making the playoffs. It’s not going to happen. They are going to lose this game, with Vince Young stepping in for a rib broken Mike Vick, and they are going to fade into obscurity. Good bye Eagles. Fuck off. Giants to win.
Tailgate City (The Rest)
NY Jets at Denver Line: +5.5
Vegas has taken out an over/under on Tebows completions at 11. I’m taking the over. He’s going to have to pass against the Jets. Their mega blitz is going to push him out of the box like crazy. That being said, the Broncos have the magic of Tebow and for that reason, and that reason alone I’m taking them to win at home. Yep.
Jacksonville at Cleveland Line: +1.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Who cares? The Jags beat the Colts last week because Painter sucks. The Browns missed a game winning field goal because of the fucking long snapper. You have ONE job dude, and you messed it up. Go sell used cars. Browns to win at home.
Carolina at Detroit Line: -7.0
Detroit has lost three of the last four. What is going on with this team? They are falling fast, but they return home to that very loud crowd. Let’s see if Cam Newton can fight off the noise of the crowd, and the toughest defense he’s faced yet. However, that defense has been shit lately. I’m sticking with the Lions to win at home.
Tampa Bay at Green Bay Line: -14.0
Ha. This line is too generous. If the Bucs don’t lose by 35 points in Green Bay I’ll be surprised. I’m sure this young team would love to come back and get an upset win, but it’s not going to happen. Green Bay is your repeat Superbowl champion. I have no choice but to predict that happening. Green Bay to win at home.
Buffalo at Miami Line: -2.0
This match-up is one of my favorites every year. These two teams play each other like it’s a fucking playoff game. The rest of the year doesn’t matter when these rivals meet. While the Dolphins are on a hot streak right now, and the Bills are on a low streak they are meeting somewhere in the middle. I’m going off the diving board head first and picking the Dolphins to win. I have no idea why, just doing it.
Oakland at Minnesota Line: -1.0
Vikings aren’t looking too bad. I mean, they got smoked by the Packers last week, but they aren’t sucking it up really. Ponder is showing great progression as a starting QB. The Raiders, are winning their division but only by one game. The whole division behind them is tied. They have to win this game. They won’t. Peterson is going to slice them up. I’m taking the Vikings to win at home.
Dallas at Washington Line: +8.0
Did you see the Cowboys last week? They were dominant. Did you see the Redskins last week? Name their starting QB. Didn’t think so. Shanahan is losing it, his decision making suggests dementia. The Cowboys are going to make the Redskins home crowd all sad and shit. Cowboys to win.
Cincinnati at Baltimore Line: -9.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
The Ravens went to Seattle and lost. A week after beating the Steelers for the second time this year. Finally, they are back home after their stupid west coast trip and welcome the Bengals. The Bengals lost to the Steelers last week, knocking them back to reality. Can they hurdle the Ravens this week? I think this is the upset brewing. I think the Ravens offense is confused right now for some reason, and Dalton held it together against the Steelers, it wasn’t a blowout. It was a loss. I’m taking the Bengals to upset.
Seattle at St. Louis Line: -3.0
The Seahawks surprisingly beat the Ravens last week, and the Rams got lucky against the Browns. Who cares? The Niners seal up the division with a win today, finally ending the sadness of a losing team getting to the playoffs from the NFC West. For the rest of the year, these two teams are playing for second place, with no chance of smelling the ass crack of the playoffs. Who cares who wins this game? Whatever. I’m taking the Rams.
Arizona at San Francisco Line: -10.0
Meh. Niners to win and complete their amazing rise to power. Next stop, playoffs.
Tennessee at Atlanta Line: -6.5
The Oilers, er, Titans are the up and down, hot and cold team of the year. They had a great week last week, but who knows how they are going to be this week? The Falcons blew it in overtime to the Saints. You’ve gotta run some fucking misdirection on fourth and short plays! It was a good decision, just bad execution. I think the Falcons hold it together this week and rebound with a strong win, staying in the race for the NFC South. Falcons at home.
San Diego at Chicago Line: -4.0
The Chargers are the other hot and cold team. Actually, they are just cold. They are painful to watch, and I’m glad I’m not a Chargers fan. The good news is they are in a 3 way tie for second place in the division, so they still have a shot. They don’t have a shot against the Bears at home though, who have been dominating lately. That win against the Lions was fucking huge. HUGE. Bears to win at home.
Kansas City at New England Line: -14.5
Upset special… just kidding. The Patriots are looking more like the Patriots, but what the hell is up with the defense lately? They are making it harder for Brady and the offense. And he finally passed down the field to Ochocinco. You have to use that deep threat more often to open up the play action, just like using the run. Do it. Patriots to win.
In the Sauna (Bye Week Teams)
Bye Week at Indianapolis
The Colts, ugh. Suck for Luck right?
Bye Week at New Orleans
The Saints still have some work to do if they want to win the division. They have to keep the Falcons at bay. Cause the wild card is not coming from this division. It’s going to be the Bears or the Lions.
Bye Week at Pittsburgh
The Steelers can’t coast to the division title this year. The Ravens and the Bengals are making it a fight. A fight worth watching. Like two hot chicks at a frat party fighting in the pool. Take it off! Take it off!
Bye Week at Houston
Everyone keeps saying that this is the year for Houston. Until Schaub got injured last week. Now, he’ll probably be out for the season. So can Houston keep winning? I think so, because it’s been the running game and the defense that has been winning games.














