Jack and the Puppies
Earlier this year, my brother and his wife suffered a terrible loss in their family. Their dachshund, who was a sweet “old girl” of 14 years had reached an age where she was really feeling the affects of her old age. Sadly, they had to put her down and it was a painful loss, especially for my brother who had loved her since she was a puppy.
Here’s what really concerned my wife and I upon this news: how would we explain this to our oldest son, Jack? Even though we all know it’s a part of life, we had been fortunate to sidestep the death issue up to this point. But here we were, suddenly thrust into a position where we might have to explain what happened to one of the sweet little doggies that lived next door.
My wife and I considered not talking about the issue, perhaps lying about her whereabouts, and maybe, just maybe, we would introduce the “D” word and see what happens. Luckily, life sort of figured things out for us. The day before she was put down, we all went over to see her and brought Jack with us. We let him know that she was very sick and he probably wouldn’t see her again. At the age of three, Jack’s attention is constantly pulled in many different directions, but he did take a few moments to pet her gently, calling her a sweet “old girl” before we left. And beyond that, we would address any questions if they came up; they have not.
A few weeks ago, my wife Kerry’s uncle called to tell us that his wife had very suddenly passed away. Kerry flew up to Massachusetts for a few days, but explained to Jack before she left that her aunt was “very sick” and she was going up because her uncle was “very sad.” And just last week, we heard the news that another family member back up North was “not looking good,” and we’re already wondering when we may get that call.
Presenting situations in terms that a toddler can understand is certainly not something new; it seems like we have to “explain” why eating dinner and going to bed at night are necessary. But honesty is another concept we also try to instill in our kids. We believe that, while the world may sometimes be a scary place, you can demystify some of that harshness with truth. There is a time and place for matters such as death – not to mention pregnancy, divorce, jail, and other more “complex” subjects – but it’s helpful to peel back those layers a little at a time.
We know there will be a point where Jack will ask that question we all do: “Am I going to die?” And while it may pain me to shatter some of that sweet innocence, I think the answer Kerry’s dad gave her at the age of 6 is a very fair, honest response: “Not for a very looooooooong time.” And, like all of us, Jack will have to figure out what that answer means to him. I think we’re all still trying to figure that one out.
The shoe cables a repent reward near the visible.