Posts About ‘dolphins’

Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: AFC East Preview

Tuesday, August 28th, 2012

I’m getting tired of watching Sportscenter and Merrill Hoge and his giant fucking tie blasting Tim Tebow. Hoge has been one of the biggest Tebow detractors since he entered the league, and makes sure to kick him whenever he makes a mistake. On Sunday, Tebow had a couple scrambles and threw an interception, and Hoge was sure to blast him for that. Not praise him for extending plays, or running for a first down. In fact, he used that run for a first down as an example of why Tebow sucks. The whole Jets team sucks. Up to this point, they haven’t scored a fucking touchdown at all this preseason.

Yeah yeah, we all know that I’m a Tim Tebow honk. I can’t help it. The guy is exciting to watch. Sure, he’s got a shit ton of fundamental problems that would have knocked any other pocket passer or non-exciting QB out of the league by now, but that won’t happen to Tebow. You can’t help but like the the guy and I hope that the Jets and Rex Ryan can figure out how to use him properly this season.

So, as the season approaches we’re now going to take a look at the AFC East, and then the AFC West later this week. We’ll finish up with the AFC South next Tuesday which will lead into my first regular Thursday column of the season, the week one preview. I know, you can’t freaking wait. Keep your pants on kids, the season is just about here for realz.

AFC East

New England Patriots
While I was rooting against them, losing in the Superbowl last year after another good season was kind of a travesty. Of course, their defense was the real travesty. The offense just had to score more points than the defense allowed. That worked ouf for them 13 times. This year, the defense should be a little bit better as they spent most of their draft picks on defensive players and added some free agents like Will Allen and Steve Gregory.

The most notable departure was BenJarvus Green-Ellis, but Joseph Addai joins the team to fill that vacancy along with 2011 draft pick Stevan Ridley, and both will fill it well. In fact, check out these additions on offense – Brandon Lloyd, Jabar Gaffney, Jake Ballard and Bo Scaife. They picked up Donte Stallworth too, but then cut him. Tack them onto the already stacked offense and you have a team that is going to be hard to outscore. In fact, I don’t really see any team outscoring the Patriots this year in total cumulative points. There’s no way. Also, Josh McDaniels returns as offensive coordinator and Matt Patricia was named defensive coordinator, replacing Bellchick who has been running the near last ranked defense since 2009. He just doesn’t have the time.

I guess the only real question with the Patriots is how Brady handles his favorite target in Wes Welker, and all the other receivers. Welker is known as a slot guy and doesn’t get the respect that he deserves as one of the leagues best receivers. Hopefully McDaniels realizes this and doesn’t sideline him too much because he’s a fucking winner. This whole team is a winner. Pending some strange disaster, the Patriots are definitely Superbowl bound.

Projected Finish: 16-0

Buffalo Bills
Vince Young was already cut by the Bills as they brought in Tavaris Jackson in a trade. There’s a big whoopdie-doo. Fitzpatrick is still the starter, and as proven last year, the kid can take a hit and still keep on chugging. He’ll have to this year, as I don’t see any superior improvements on the offensive line that would suggest he won’t be scrambling. I like the tandem of Fred Jackson and C.J. Spiller in the backfield again this year, as both players can run and run short routes for passes if needed. Jackson won’t last forever though, which is why the Bills signed Dorin Dickerson.

Sadly, I don’t think this team can win under Chan Gailey, I mean, not win the division. They’ll get some wins, like they did last year but his play calling late in games is way too conservative. This team has to be aggressive. Speaking of aggressive, giving new defensive coordinator Wannstedt Mario Williams to control is just crazy. They spent mad money on Williams in order to hopefully throttle Tom Brady a few times this year, but I don’t think that it’s going to pay off like they think it will. Sure, Mario is a game changer but the fact is that the rest of the team has to be playing at that level too.

After their terrible finish last year, one can hope that the young players on the Bills team had some time to acclimate to playing in the NFL and mght step it up this year. That’s optimistic to say the least, and this won’t be the worst team in the league, the AFC or even the division, I just don’t think they won’t be contenders.

Projected Finish: 7-9

Miami Dolphins

Reminder for dolphins section of your preview. Use words like ‘rebuilding’ and ‘potential’ in place of ‘shitty’, ‘forgettable’ – @levimills

Well, this shitty team has already settled on rookie Ryan Tannehill to lead this team, rather than Matt Moore or the displaced David Garrard. In this forthcoming forgettable season they have named Regis… er.. Joe Philbin, former Packers offensive coordinator, head coach. At least he won’t have to worry about trying to keep Brandon Marshall’s attitude in check, as he’s already been shown the door.

I liked the Dolphins defense last year, but they’ll have a new coordinator this year which means that once again a team will have to adjust to a new scheme instead of advancing on what they’ve already learned to get better. Teams just like to set themselves up for failure year after year when it comes to coaching and bringing in new plays to learn after only a year with the old ones. A couple rookies on the defensive line should add a little spark to the run defense, but in the AFC East, that’s not the biggest concern. The biggest concern is the secondary and the offense. Kevin Coyle, new D-coordinator, did well in Cincinnati with the defense, so we’ll see if he can whip the secondary into shape.

As for the offense, what do you want me to say here? Reggie Bush and Chad Johnson? You’ve got Bess and Hartline at the top of the depth chart for receivers. I mean, I like Hartline but he’s no Wes Welker. I love watching the Dolphins pay for that move every time they play the Patriots. Listen, Dolphin fans, I feel your pain. I think a few wins against the Bills and Jets will help the Fins to a winning season, but ok, fine – this is a rebuilding year.

Projected Finish: 9-7

NY Jets
Fucking laughable. No preseason touchdowns, Tony Sparano as offensive coordinator, this team is in serious disarray. Outside of Plaxico Burress getting the boot, they are still going to rely on the running game, this year Greene and McKnight will be the featured backs, in order to score. I mean, they still have Holmes and brought in Chaz Schilens from Oakland, and retained Dustin Keller, but it doesn’t matter cause Mark Sanchez sucks donkey balls. He’s like Tony Romo light, but never banged Jessica Simpson.

Is Revis going to play? That’s the big question on defense. Another holdout situation. If not, the secondary is shit. The run defense is also something to be very worried about. Should just put Tim Tebow in at linebacker. Apparently Rex Ryan is thinking about moving to a 4-3 instead of a 3-4 which would probably be a move in the right direction, but against the Bills and Patriots it won’t matter. Their runners are too good to be bottled up by a mediocre Jets defense.

I might be selling the Jets short, I mean they have had a very high ranked defense the last couple of years, but they still have been losing games. That’s what really matters. Of course, most of that is on the lethargic offense and Sanchez, who still struggles with accuracy and decision making. I don’t get how he still has a starting job. Whatever. Either way, I see the Jets being the goat of the AFC East this year.

Projected Finish: 6-10

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Week 7

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

Can Matt Ryan lead his offense against the Lions to victory?

Another week passes by in this glorious NFL season, and another sub-par selection of winners. I went 8-5 last week, no thanks to the Bills choking. All you had to do was run the fucking ball to kill some clock, then kick the game winning field goal. But no, you are going to pass to the exact same receiver on the same pattern that your last interception came on. That was idiotic. Didn’t Fitzpatrick go to Harvard? Meanwhile, the Bucs are proving me wrong every week, which if you’ve read this column for more than a year is an annual occurrence. I don’t know what it is, I cannot pick that team correctly. Maybe it’s cause I hate them so very very much. Then, the Lions lost in a game full of mistakes on both sides. So those are three picks right there that I really wish would have gone my way. Well, if wishes were turds, I’d have to flush. So that brings me to 61-29 (68%) on the season. In the big picture, that ain’t bad. Here’s what the ESPN guys are doing:

Allen 59 31 66%
Golic 66 24 73%
Hoge 64 26 71%
Jaws 61 23 73%
Mortensen 54 36 60%
Schefter 61 29 68%
Schlereth 63 27 70%
Wichersham 62 28 69%
Accuscore 64 26 71%

Really that math should be recalculated, as some of them haven’t picked all the games. There have been 90 games, yet Jaws has only picked 84. I just want to beat Accuscore by the end of the year. The worst picks by any so-called expert have to belong to this guy. 

It should also be noted, scoring was way down last week, I think that the defensive secondaries of most teams are finally starting to wake the fuck up. A lot less blown coverages and big defensive plays are showing that the lockout hangover might have finally worn off. Now, on with the picks!

Featured Game

Atlanta at Detroit Line: -4.5
Well, I was wrong about the Lions. I said they’d be undefeated come Thanksgiving, but a lack of run defense and some serious red-zone penalties kept them behind San Francisco last week. Even though the Niners gave them plenty of chances to bounce back. The Lions could be in trouble this week (and my fantasy team) as Javid Best might be sidelined after suffering a concussion last week. They shipped in Ronnie Brown from Philly, but he’s yet to pass the physical. So there goes the running game. But Stafford, Calvin Johnson and the tight ends can carry the offense, but not without the play action. It’ll be interesting to see how this plays out. Thankfully, they are at home where the noise is sure to fluster Matt Ryan, who likes to call plays at the line. Might want to start practicing those hand signals now Matt. If the Lions give up the kind of yards on the ground they gave up to the Niners, they will lose this game. I’m torn, but I’m sticking with the Lions just cause I have more fantasy players on that team.

Tailgate City (The Rest)

Seattle at Cleveland Line: -3.0
The Browns. What can be said about my team? Well, Colt looked alright against the Raiders, but it wasn’t until the last five minutes. Whatever they did on their bye week didn’t seem to have worn off. Hillis was a non-factor, leaving with a hamstring injury. Madden Curse anyone? The Browns were pathetic. The Seahawks are just coming off a bye week and have to roll to the east coast again. Though last time, they managed to win the game late with some smart defense. I’ll buy that. Charlie Whitehurst looks to be getting the start over Tavaris Jackson, which could actually be a good thing for the Seahawks, looking to find that magic they lost when Hasselbeck left. I’m going to go against my gut on this one though, and take the Browns to win at home. I’ll probably be wrong (as I usually am when I follow my gut) but I gotta pick my boys every once in while right?

Houston at Tennessee Line: -3.0
The Texans could not get the running game going against the Ravens last week, and that killed them. The Titans aren’t going to make it easy for the Texans this week, as this game may as well be a playoff for the division. Both have massive losses at wide receiver, both teams haven’t been able to really establish a running game. Both teams have defenses that can be up at times, down at others. This is a very evenly matched game. Houston’s defense might be a bit stronger, but they have to find a way to control the bevy of tight ends that the Titans employ. Are they blocking or running slants? No one knows! Titans to win at home.

Denver at Miami Line: -3.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
How’s this for lame. Before the game, Miami plans on honoring the 2008 Florida Gator National Championship Team – including visiting QB Tim Tebow. Talk about degrading. Not only will this fire up Tebow and the Denver Broncos with false bravado, but it will totally demoralize the Dolphins. Why in the hell are they still going through with this idiotic presentation? The original idea was to sell tickets, but now? It’s just moronic. “We can’t get out of our own way,” said Sparano. Of course, he was referring to the play of his team, rather than the poor decisions by the marketing department. It should also be noted, that after losing to Denver (as Miami will) Sparano is probably going to be out of a job. If he isn’t, I’ll be surprised. That being said, the Miami Dolphins have nothing to give any pundit a reason to pick them. Denver on the road.

Chicago at Tampa Bay Line: +1.5 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Apologies to both the Bears and the Bucs. The London game is always an automatic crap fest. One team is always tired and plays like shit, it always rains and the crowd is confused and the stadium is never full. These games are a bit depressing to watch sometimes. Either way, it doesn’t matter what happened last week, the Bucs will win this game because they flew over to London on Monday, giving the guys time to adjust and get a proper amount of sleep. Meanwhile, the Bears opted to practice at home this week, then fly over on Saturday. Bone-head move guys. The Bucs already learned that lesson once, and that’s torture on the body with the time change. Fatigue is going to be the enemy of the Bears, which is why the Bucs will win.

Washington at Carolina Line: -3.0
The Redskins found some mystical way to lose against the Eagles, even though their defense smacked around Vick. The problem was pretty clear, as Rex Grossman tossed four picks to the Eagles defense. He was benched, and now John Beck is going to be the starter. That’s good news, because the kid can run. Sure, he’ll make mistakes but like Tebow he’s got a weak defense his first week out. Meanwhile, Cam and the boys almost pulled one out of their asses last week against the Falcons, but three interceptions killed them. Not to mention allowing a comeback. I expect this game to go about the same, though I can see an upset brewing. Though since the Panthers are favored on the line, it wouldn’t be an upset. Anyway, like an awkward virgin on prom night, the Panthers can’t seem to seal the deal. Redskins on the road.

Kansas City at Oakland Line: -3.5
Raiders Offensive coordinator Al Saunders said about Carson Palmer starting; “As long as he’s breathing.” Sorry Boller, you are nothing but pine warmer. Palmer was acquired by Oakland from the Bungles for a draft pick or something. Either way, it’s a good deal for the Raiders, but don’t you think Palmer will be a bit rusty coming back from semi-retirement? Especially with only four days to learn the plays in Oakland? Thankfully, he’s up against the Chiefs. Now, the Chiefs aren’t terrible, but they sure have not been playing lights out defense. What’s that? They are terrible? Oh, yeah, so they are. The Raiders, coming off a win over the hapless Browns are fired up, looking at a serious run for the playoffs. Kansas City will be a minor speed bump. Raiders to win at home.

Pittsburgh at Arizona Line: +4.0
A lot of so-called experts are picking the Cardinals to somehow snap out of their mediocrity and beat the Steelers. While the Steelers defense and run game took a little while to get going, it’s going. The Cardinals defense is also not going to have an answer for the deep threat of Ben to Wallace. Not to mention that Hines Ward guy still plays football – apparently. Either way, Kolb isn’t nearly as sharp as he appeared to be as backup in Philly. The Cardinals are probably looking to enter the Andrew Luck lottery as well. A loss here will help. Steelers to win on the road in this rematch of that one Superbowl where Arizona lost.

St. Louis at Dallas Line: -10.5
I really wanted to make this one my upset special this week, but I just picked up the Dallas defense in fantasy since the Bills have a bye week and I don’t like to bet against myself. The Rams, well, they showed up against Green Bay in the second half on defense, a little bit. They held the Packers after the half, but also didn’t score. They seem to be lagging on that scoring bit a lot lately. Sigh. They just suck. 400 yards of offense and only three points to show for it. The Cowboys, a team that I picked to win their division, still haven’t stepped up to be the team that they are on paper. I think they lay down a whipping this week, but they really have to get their shit together if they hope to compete with the Redskins. Cowboys at home.

Green Bay at Minnesota Line: +9.5
Remember that time that Donovan McNabb turned out to be a bust? Oh wait, that was last week. For all concerned, the Donovan McNabb era in purple should be over. Christian Ponder, the rookie Qb with the quick feet, has been named the starter after relieving McNabb against the Bears last week. While he didn’t score, he moved the team down the field, which was more than McNabb did. The Vikings are hurting on offense, Peterson is their only weapon but even he is stifled by an offensive line that can’t get out of it’s own way and certainly can’t create any pocket protection. Thankfully Ponder knows how to run, and he’ll have to be running against one of the best defensive fronts in the league. There is no upset brewing here, the Vikings are going to get whipped, but it’ll be fun to watch Ponder escape pressure. Packers to win.

Indianapolis at New Orleans Line: -14.0
The Saints are coming off a 2-1 road trip, tired and hungry. Hey, what’s this? A five course meal being delivered right to their door? I’d like my rookie quarterback rare please. Indy, also in the Andrew Luck lottery, clearly has no faith in their young rookie Painter. Or at least the media doesn’t, as Painter has already been replaced by Andrew Luck on paper. So, their season is bonked. Still looking for their first win, they ain’t gonna find it in New Orleans. Saints to win.

Baltimore at Jacksonville Line: +8.5
Last but not least, the Jaguars. Another rookie QB is about to get squashed like a bug. If Gabbart thought the Steelers were tough, wait until he meets Ray Lewis and friends. The Jags have shown some spark lately, but they really are lacking when it comes to pass protection, passing and pass defense. So, there’s that. It should be a nice, rough game with plenty of silly penalties for the Jags. Ravens to win on the road.

In the Sauna (Bye Week Teams)

Bye Week at Buffalo
So was that bad play calling or a terrible decision by Fitzpatrick that lost the game for the Bills against the Giants? Either way, the Bills better take a step back and deflate those heads. After the Patriots win, the Bills are looking a bit normal.

Bye Week at Cincinnati
The Bungles have been the surprise team of the season, led by young ginger Andy Dalton. They enter the bye week at 4-2 and poised to make a run at the division title. Of course, they have to find a way to beat their division foes first.

Bye Week at N.Y. Giants
The Giants defense seemed to wake up late in the game against Buffalo, a week after the offense lost the game the same way Buffalo did. The defense needs to keep it strong if the Giants can hope to hold off the rest of the division and overtake the Redskins.

Bye Week at Philadelphia
The Eagles, are for real? I still don’t think so and won’t be sold. While they won last week, Vick still made a laundry list of mistakes, but coupled them with some good play too. We’ll see if that huge contract pays off. Oh yeah, Vince Young is really that bad.

Bye Week at San Francisco
Huge win for the Niners over the Lions. I didn’t think I’d ever be saying that. But Harbaugh is doing a good job leading this team and turning Alex Smith into a real NFL QB. Now, if he can only get that offensive line to sharpen up a bit.

Bye Week at New England
What needs to be said about the Patriots? They pulled off a Tom Brady-esque comeback against the Cowboys and sustained their home win streak. Brady and Bellichick also tied Shula & Marino for most wins by a coach/QB duo. Slap on the back chaps.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Week 4

Thursday, September 29th, 2011

Can McFadden run the Patriots defense into the ground?

Not bad last week. I went a very respectable 12-4 (34-14 on the season, or 71%.) That being said, I think that picking the Bills to correctly upset the Patriots was huge. More on that in a moment. This is a very volatile season so far, with a lot of exciting games. Thankfully the NFL RedZone is now in HD on my local Comcast network, so I get to watch Scott Hanson in glorious HD. Scott probably has the greatest job in all of sports broadcasting. I really wouldn’t be able to write this column without Scott and the Red Zone. Anywho, another big week with some match-ups that can change the season. Can the Lions and Bills continue winning? The bookies don’t seem to think so, as neither team is favored on the road. What the hell?

Featured Game

New England at Oakland Line: +4.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
Wow. Did Tom Brady throw four interceptions, one a pick-six? Or was that some alternate dimension in which those Patriots aren’t that great? Aside from Brady looking deceptively not like a passing robot, Wes Welker killed it. Did you have him on your fantasy team? Lucky you. The Patriots defense has got to tighten up. They give up too much on the run and don’t seem to recognize running backs when lined up on the outside. Some sweet Buffalo play fakes came off a Patriots defense sleeping on the job. Belichick got out Belichicked by Chan Gailey on that final scoring play. That was some smart coaching. Enough about the Pats. Oakland is coming off a huge win over the Jets, dominating on the ground and making the supposedly strong Jets run defense look like amputated children. What do you think they are going to do – at home – against the Pats? Run them ragged that’s what. And I don’t think one week is long enough for the Pats to fix their problems on defense. So once again, my featured game is also my upset special as I’m taking the Raiders to give the Pats their second loss of the season, and push them to get better on defense. I did pick the Pats as a playoff team, so don’t get used to me picking them to lose. This just isn’t going to be their week. Oakland at home.

Tailgate City (The Rest)

Carolina at Chicago Line: -5.0
Ouch. The Bears, who looked moderate on defense against the Packers get to welcome the Panthers to town this week. The Bears are not looking like the playoff team that we saw last year, and Cutler is tired of being sacked so damn much. Normally one would tell him to quit whining, but his pocket just collapses on him completely and he’s got no where to run. Until they fix this issue, they won’t compete in their division. Thankfully, the Panthers aren’t in their division. Coming off a muddy win against the hapless Jags, Cam Newton put up human looking stats, but that might have been due to the weather. I’m looking for Carolina to go pass wacky on the Bears, but the Bears defense to shut them down effectively. Bears to win at home.

Buffalo at Cincinnati Line: -3.0
Genius play calling by Chan Gailey (as previously mentioned) cemented the Bills upset of the Pats last week. Not to mention a comeback from being down 21-0 at one point. The Bills are showing they are a second half team, and hard to beat when they are scoring constantly. Their defense also stepped up, picking Brady four fucking times! So why in the fuck nuts are they not favored going into Cincinnati? The Bungles lost a shitty game to the Niners, and now are facing probably one of the best scoring teams in the AFC. The Bungles don’t stand a fucking chance in this game. They don’t have the defense and the Bills front line is going to chase Andy Dalton down like the soulless ginger that he is. Bills to win on the road.

Tennessee at Cleveland Line: -2.0
I’ll say this about the Browns, they are scrappy. They pulled off a close win against Miami, but let’s be honest – the Dolphins defense is a joke. Meanwhile, the Browns defense – especially the front line – is getting better and better. The offense was mediocre at best, with Hillis out and Colt McCoy overthrowing the ball like crazy to wide open receivers. As for the Titans, they lost Kenny Britt to a knee injury – but won. Chris Johnson needs to start earning that huge paycheck now and start pushing his way into open field. I don’t think he’ll be able to do that against the Browns though, as they’ve been good on shutting down the run, for the most part. This is going to be a close game, but I’m looking for the Browns to prevail. Browns to win at home.

Detroit at Dallas Line: -3.0
Like Buffalo, the Lions are getting no love from the bookies. They came back in the second half, took advantage of poor defensive play by the Vikings to go 3-0. Now, they travel to take on their Thanksgiving counterparts, the Cowboys. The Lions are showing serious strength on offense, but especially on defense. Romo will give way to Kitna early in this game for sure. The Cowboys played a stinker against the Redskins, winning off six fucking field goals. Romo couldn’t get his team into the end zone, and against a team playing as strong and fast as Detroit, that ain’t gonna cut it. Lions to win on the road.

Minnesota at Kansas City Line: +3.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
The Vikings, the sad pathetic Vikings. They had the Lions right where they wanted them. Once again they blew a big halftime lead and ended up losing the game. That’s three games in a row. What is going on with this team that they can’t hold and keep a league? Oh I know what it is, a crappy secondary that gets exposed late in the game once a good QB can see that they aren’t getting creative at all. Not to mention a serious overuse of big blitzes. Chicago has that problem too. Meanwhile, Kansas City has been terrible. Didn’t they make the playoffs last year? You wouldn’t know it by looking at this team. 18 yards passing for Cassel in the 1st half last week. That’s just sad. However, I think this week the Chiefs get their shit together and win a fucking home game. Chiefs to win.

Washington at St. Louis Line: -1.5
One week the offense looks fantastic, the next week the defense looks fantastic keeping Dallas out the end zone, while the offense totally blows it and keeps themselves out. Really, the Redskins are hard to figure out. I mean, they have the potential to be a certain challenger in the NFC East, but can’t seem to get their collective shit together to win. Could it be coaching? Yes, yes it could be. So they go meet the Rams. The Rams showed up last week. I mean, if you consider that committing drive killing penalties, dropping passes and getting pistol whipped by the Ravens. Do the Rams have a defensive secondary? It didn’t appear so. Didn’t seem to have an offensive line either as Bradford was constantly under pressure. Of course, that was the Ravens. Either way, the Rams just cemented themselves solidly in the “suck” column. So Skins to win on the road.

San Francisco at Philadelphia Line: -0.0
Ok, so Vick’s non throwing hand isn’t broken, but I was right about this Eagles team. They are not the “dream team” and calling them so (and them believing it) is going to kill them. The defense was missing tackles left and right, the secondary couldn’t figure out who Victor Cruz was after his 1st TD, and Vick turned over the ball at the most crucial moment. At least LeSean McCoy had a good game. Which tells me this; because Vick is very mobile, the offensive line is concentrating on opening up lanes for the run and pass, rather than focusing on protecting Vick. This is why he’s scrambling more often than he should, quicker than he should and is leading to mistakes. It’s a dangerous assumption and is probably why they aren’t heavily favored in this match-up. The Niners can win this game, if it was at home. Their defense is playing fine, holding down the running game and making picks, but if Vick has his game face on and actually passes the damn ball (get it to Jackson) the Eagles should win. So I’m taking the Eagles at home.

New Orleans at Jacksonville Line: +6.0
So my boy @mbletsch traded away Drew Brees in his fantasy league. Along with Nelson (Bills), Benson (Bengals) and Hightower he got in return Vick, DeSean Jackson, Mendenhall & Hillis. Ok, I can see the validity of that for most of those guys, but Nelson will have a great year and HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU TRADE AWAY BREES? Good trade or not? Leave it in the comments. (Update: I was informed this trade was vetoed by the league, as they thought MB was trade raping the other guy. I don’t see it. Brees is worth all that and more.)

That being said, Brees is going to have a banner day against the non-existent secondary of the Jags. The only reason they held up against the Panthers is because of the weather. The Saints defense is going to tear Blaine Gabbart to shreds like a topless hooker during Mardi Gras. That kid will be in tears by the end of the night. Now, this could be one of those weird upsets, but this shit isn’t college football. The Jags are outclassed, and it will show. If you have a Saints player on your fantasy team, any player, make sure he’s starting this week. Saints to win on the road.

Pittsburgh at Houston Line: -3.0
Being a Steelers fan sometimes has got to be stressful. One second Ben is fumbling the ball (twice last week) the next he’s leading a game winning drive down the field. That’s some up and down shit right there. The Steelers had to come back to beat the Colts, who are still without a decision at QB. That helped the Steelers, who still struggled with the run. They won’t have much better luck against Houston, who nearly beat the Saints. They fell apart in the fourth quarter though, an interesting trend that may help the Steelers. The passing game for both teams is aces, it’s going to come down to defensive line play, and turnovers (don’t they all.) I’m really stalling on this one because as much as I want to pick the Steelers, I think Houston takes this one at home.

New York at Arizona Line: -3.0
Kolb must have been excited as he led a possible game winning drive against the Seahawks, then tossed an interception. This is par for the course for the Cardinals, who have a lame passing attack at best and have yet to establish a running game. Which means no play action, which means Kolb is linebacker bait. Blitz the Cardinals and watch them scramble. Which is something I’m sure the Giants can do after watching them pressure the shit out of Vick. The Giants are playing strong up front and not letting any offense take advantage of them. While the Arizona offense might show some early spark, the Giants D should put it right out. Giants to win on the road.

Atlanta at Seattle Line: +3.5
I blinked, and the Seahawks actually won a game. With defense. Of course, it was against the Cardinals. It’s sad, but the Seahawks could win the division with a losing record again. Any of the shitty teams in the NFC West could really. They actually rushed too, for over 100 yards. Crazy. Who knew? The Falcons are going to come into Seattle hot. They lost to their rivals in Tampa and are pissed. The offense was stifled, the defense played well though, but without the offensive backup is probably pissed. The Falcons are in Hulk mode for sure, and the east to west coast plane ride isn’t going to change that. Falcons to win on the road.

Denver at Green Bay Line: -13.0
The Packers are running well, defense is in the lights out category but I don’t think this team is yet back up to Superbowl champ standards. Whatever. Denver is in town and that means that Rodgers gets to have a little target practice. The Broncos have shown one major thing this season, that they suck. They came close last week, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear “TEBOW TEBOW TEBOW” chants in Green Bay this weekend. Orton will be too busy running from Clay Matthews and company to hear it though. This one is too easy, but since everyone thinks that, I’m taking the Broncos. Just kidding. Green Bay to win at home.

Miami at San Diego Line: -9.0
And my pick for first coach to get fired this season is Tony Sporano. While Henne is looking good when he can, the Dolphins play calling on both sides of the ball has been stifling bad. They ran into a good defense last week and still couldn’t put the game away when they had the chance. And they had chances. They’ll have more chances against the Chargers, who seem to wilt a bit in the second half. Rivers has a chance to get this team jump started, if he can keep the ball out of the hands of the defense. I suspect that he will, as long as the defense holds up their end of the bargain. The Dolphins will make a game of it though, as they really, really need a win. Chargers to win at home.

NY Jets at Baltimore Line: -3.5
The Ravens put on a mother fucking CLINIC last week. Torrey (who dat) Smith caught three touchdowns in a classic ass whipping of the Rams. The Ravens are nearly unstoppable this year, but it’s only three games into the season. Can the Jets defense stop them? What Jets defense you say? Good point. The supposed tough defense of the Jets was no-where to be found against Oakland last week letting McFadden roll for 171 yards. What do you think Ray Rice is going to do? Tear the Jets a new asshole that’s what. The Jets are outmatched in this game, and it sucks to say that cause I actually like this team. I mean, save for Sanchez and his GQ loving ass. Ravens to win.

Indianapolis at Tampa Bay Line: -10.0
Peyton has got to be considering going all RoboCob just to make a comeback. Painter did ok last week, but against the Bucs defense? A defense that held Matt Ryan to one TD and an INT? The lousy Colts special teams aside, they are going to have trouble against the Bucs defense and the young offense under the charge of Freeman. The Bucs vanquished their rivals last week, what do you think they are going to do to a Colts team that is yet to find their ground? This game is going to be crazy, especially since the Bucs actually managed to sell enough tickets to lift the blackout. The Colts can look at this game like this, it’s just one step closer to being able to draft Andrew Luck #1. Bucs to win at home.

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