One horrible day, you find yourself in a position you never imagined possible—sitting your child down to explain that Mommy and Daddy will no longer be living together. This is a conversation you can never truly be prepared for, and likely, you have put it off for longer than you should have.

As you sit down with your child/children, your heart is beating so hard you can feel your pulse in your hands… hands that refuse to steady. Your adrenaline seems to be rushing harder through your veins than any confrontation you have faced in your lifetime, except THIS time, it not simply a “confrontation”. This time, you are going to change the world for a little person you love more than you thought you were capable.

Not “change” in the heroic, mental cut-away you had always daydreamed.

You are about to take away a piece of your child’s innocence.

You are about to introduce them to some of the darkness in the world.

You are about to try to explain that “love” cannot overcome any obstacle, while simultaneously attempting to instill that your love for them IS unconditional and more powerful than anything else.

You are about to introduce a complex conundrum that your child will attempt to unravel for the rest of their lives.

Now, take a moment and ask yourself why you have put this off, at the expense of personal liberation from a disintegrating relationship… ask yourself why those hands won’t steady.

When we reach the decision, the moment of inevitability, with our spouses that “perhaps we need time away from each other”, which, in many cases, ultimately leads to Divorce, a natural reaction for men is to run the scenario of breaking it to the kids. We’re problem solvers. It is in our nature.

The danger of running “The Conversation Simulation” over and over and over is that the emotional weight and predicted responses to the scenario becomes nearly debilitating and action moves further into the future. In your mind, you are going to hurt your child, which violates everything you instinctively feel and know. The natural response to this is to recoil, to martyr your own emotions—to put the whole damn thing off.

Sometimes, during the “Martyr Phase” we can even convince ourselves that “hey, what the hell—maybe I CAN live like this. Maybe I CAN live in an emotional void. I’m pretty tough. Maybe I can ‘do it for the kids’”.

Ok tough guy, you just felt your eyes welling up at a Disney movie or over a commercial with Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s ukulele medley of “Over the Rainbow” and “What a Wonderful World” or just out of nowhere at work. This is your subconscious bleeding into your everyday life. The reality check is usually close behind. The epiphany that two happy homes far outweigh one sad one is at hand. This is the moment the irony hits…you’ve been thinking about yourself. It is akin to a mourning period after a loved one’s death, when one is, quite understandably, preoccupied with what THEY will miss about the departed.

Now you can plan the best approach to “The Conversation”. You will not feel that a great weight has been lifted, but you will finally be able to proceed with clarity. You now honestly KNOW this move is in everyone’s best interest.

But. Is there REALLY a “best approach”?

Stay tuned for PT 2.