Digital Dads Exposed is a monthly interview series that highlights the unique perspectives on manhood and fatherhood held by those we at Digital Dads have come across in our travels. This month, we feature Matt Ridings—founder of MSR Consulting and an independent strategy consultant.

What is your perspective on what it means to be a man living in todays world?

My son is 11 yrs old now, and I spend an inordinate amount of thinking about this question. I think it’s a confusing time for men in general. Balancing the nuances of “being a man”, chivalry vs. sexism, role delineation in a empowered world, emotional vs. weak, etc. is challenging. Respect and intent, are the common threads that guide my actions and keep me out of trouble…for the most part. I’m still going to hold the door open for a woman, I’m still going to let the women and children get off the sinking ship first, it’s who I am and my mother would be sorely disappointed if I didn’t.

Growing up, what has influenced you the most and shaped the man that you are today?

The divorce of my parents when I was 9. They are such different people with very different perspectives on parenting and life. Had they stayed together that diversity of opinion would have been smothered, but their separation allowed me to learn the value of each of their points of view. The value of hard work, responsibility, empathy, and humility were core traits instilled in me.

In the moments you are able to pause and reflect, what activity do you normally gravitate towards?

Twitter or private group messaging. Whether it’s those moments where I’m struggling with the value of a ‘big idea’ or a more personal dilemma there is always an appropriate ear within the relationships I’ve fostered with those venues. Sometimes you need a kick in the ass, other times a sympathetic ear. I’m lucky enough to have people in my life who can do both with grace.

What is your parental philosophy?

To try and recognize when my son needs room for expression and to face his own challenges, or when he needs the structure and control of intervention. I would love to say I have figured that out.

What do you appreciate the most about being a father?

Selfishly, there is nothing quite like my sons hugs when he arrives home from school every day.

What is your favorite activity (or activities) to do with your children?

He loves video games, and he’s at an age where we can actually play together and compete. But on a less regular basis, we are able to explore local river banks and the beaches of Cape Cod which we could do for days on end and is by far our favorite joint activity.

What is the best way for a man and father to impart wisdom to his children?

Actions always speak louder than words, but I’m also a big fan of explaining *why* you make the choices you do. Wisdom comes through the understanding of actions as well.

What piece of technology impacts you most during the day (and is that impact positive or negative)?

I’m “always on” and highly connected. There is no doubt that my phone (an iPhone at the moment) has the largest impact although I rarely use it as a phone. It’s both positive and negative. On the one hand it gives me the flexibility to engage in things I wouldn’t normally be able to do because it keeps me connected to my work life while remote. On the other, I receive over 250 emails per day on average so it means I’m constantly checking it. That becomes so behavioral that I do it when I shouldn’t (family time, dinner, etc.).

How does technology shape the way you raise and influence your children?

It shapes just about everything we do in some way. There is no such thing as an “unanswered question” in my household. If a question comes up that someone doesn’t know we’re like some Microsoft commercial screaming “To the cloud!”. Typically my son and I will research together, or sometimes even create a video like here.

How do you think men’s roles will change in the future?

The increasingly exposed lives we lead online I think will make a pronounced shift in the relationships we have offline. Parenting takes on a new dynamic when your children can easily have a lens into your thought processes outside of the context in which they would normally have had in the past. We talk a lot about how online anonymity changes behavior, but few think about how our offline relationships typically have had barriers to transparency in them as well. The breaking down of those barriers in both directions is neither good nor bad, but it does change the way we lead our lives and view those around us. My hope, is that will lead to both men and women having a better understanding of what makes each other tick in the future and lead to more open, successful relationships.

‘Preciate it, Matt!

/// Digital Dads Exposed returns next month with more unique and interesting perspectives on manhood and fatherhood. Is there someone you would like to see featured? send us an email.

Digital Dads Exposed is a monthly interview series that highlights the unique perspectives on manhood and fatherhood held by those we at Digital Dads have come across in our travels. This month, we feature—Scott Stratten, president of UnMarketing.

What is your perspective on what it means to be a man living in todays world?

I think we’ve lost our way on what a “man” is. We need to go back to a man meaning someone who held doors open for others, who didn’t mind picking up the tab instead of calculating % of bill on their iPhone, and someone that isn’t afraid to show emotion. I guess I want “gentlemen” to return to the front lines.

Growing up, what has influenced you the most and shaped the man that you are today?

My mom. Because she showed me that pride, loyalty, respect and being the champion defender of your family is genderless.

In the moments you are able to pause and reflect, what activity do you normally gravitate towards?

Twitter. It’s an instant, 24-hour support system. I can laugh, learn or lean on others and return the favor.

What is your parental philosophy?

Act towards your child how you want them to act towards others.

What do you appreciate the most about being a father?

That I am one. I’ve gone through both fighting for custody and the passing away of his mother within a few years of each other. I get to be woken up everyday with a hug from him. Nothing in the word compares to that.

What is your favorite activity (or activities) to do with your children?

Video games. He’s at an age now (9) that he can hold his own and I don’t have to “let” him win. Now he just wins. Which is awesome and horrible at the same time We play XBox 360 and PS3, but also enjoy the time that we do, we talk the whole time, laugh, trash each other. It’s really fun. We also love making mixed CD’s and going for drives to listen to them. I used to intoduce him to all the music, and now he’s the one introducing it to me. I’m so old.

What is the best way for a man and father to impart wisdom to his children?

I think actions are so powerful. The “do as I say not as I do” doesn’t cut it. If you want to impart respect, caring and compassion, act it.

What piece of technology impacts you most during the day (and is that impact positive or negative)?

I recently changed a piece of my tech world, and it changed everything. I turned off audio notifications on my Blackberry a month or so ago. It has changed everything. I’m more in the moment, not jumping like Pavlov’s dog at every beep/chime. Email will always be there, but the moments with your kid won’t. He’ll eventually despise me in his teens, so it will give me plenty of time to Tweet then.

How does technology shape the way you raise and influence your children?

He’s growing up using an iPad, Touch, laptop, gaming systems, DVR/PVR, HD movies. He can experience artificial things the way we never could. But we have to be careful to not forget the real life things. I’m guilty of that, we are so comfortable enjoying our time at home that I forget soemtimes that there is a whole world out there to explore with him.

How do you think men’s roles will change in the future?

I think parenting in general has shifted somewhat. My mom never had to worry about my facebook profile, or who I was in a chat room with. And in regards to a man’s role, I hope it means we become more present in our children’s lives and be there emotionally, not just physically or financially.

‘Preciate it, Scott!

Learn more about Scott at UnMarketing, Yummy Mummy Club, and follow him on Twitter! Also, be sure to watch Scott at TEDxOakville (below).

/// Digital Dads Exposed returns next month with more unique and interesting perspectives on manhood and fatherhood. Is there someone you would like to see featured? send us an email.

Digital Dads Exposed is a monthly interview series that highlights the unique perspectives on manhood and fatherhood held by those we at Digital Dads have come across in our travels. This month, we feature Boris Bally—metalsmith, industrial designer, Humanufactured.

What is your perspective on what it means to be a man living in todays world?

For better or worse (I would argue better!) contemporary men have been expected to assume so many more responsibilities than the previous generation. Not only is there a pressure to have a good job/ career, we must now also learn to become equal partners on the home/parent front. Because of this, we have to become more flexible with our responsibilities at work (like working women!) I would also argue that men are learning to soften the last generations’ more machismo stereotypical gender roles. In my opinion, modern men are connecting with their kids in different ways than the last generation: we are not only their dads, but also able to become their friends

Growing up, what has influenced you the most and shaped the man that you are today?

Probably the biggest influence was the artistic/ designer family culture that I grew up in. Both my parents came here from Switzerland and raised me with a serious Swiss work-ethic, uncomparable freedom to do what I wanted and go where I pleased. I was raised very ‘hands-off.’ They supported my artistic endeavors. This also taught me to tackle tough lessons on my own, by allowing me to make my own mistakes. I learned by doing: “Less talk more action..” Through various jobs (paper route, lawn-mowing, carpentry, model-making) I began to appreciate the developing connections with clients, colleagues friends. The career-path I have chosen (metalsmithing) has provided me a constant source of mentors and colleagues. I have always felt a part of my greater global metalsmith family. One definite influence was the requirement, in my senior year at college (CMU/Pittsburgh), for all students to own a PC (specifically the first 128k mac!) I embraced the computer, the ‘new’ culture and managed to keep-up with the exploding ‘digital’ age..which I now rely on for survival.

In the moments you are able to pause and reflect, what activity do you normally gravitate towards?

I love to swim laps. It is my ‘reset’ button and gives me peace. Sometimes, if we get lucky, Lynn and I swim lovingly together for a hot ‘swim date.’ In colder weather, I love to build a fire in our home’s fireplace. Its an Archetypal, prehistoric ‘manish’ thing. I enjoy cutting up the old, dying trees, gathering and splitting the wood, sparking a fire and tending to it. I am curiously connected to my Neanderthal brethren. It is the essence of ‘man’ that has made us different from the other animals. And in Summer, I love to watch the ocean, especially the drama of an acetylene flame sunrise.. as Lynn and I catch up while we walk our dog, ‘Schoggi’ at our local beach.

What is your parental philosophy?

Children should learn via their parent’s example. In the case of my immediate family, they are not limited by traditional gender roles. We should teach them to learn, to love, to share, to feel safe, and feel okay about occasionally f-ing up …we can gently nudge them in the correct direction when they drift. Like a boat, try to make only minor adjustments at the helm to keep the boat moving forward. Most of all, it is our duty to show them the wonder the world can offer and to help them understand the responsibility of keeping it safe.

What do you appreciate the most about being a father?

The added dimension of enlarging my perspective of the world around me. The focus is no longer on me, nor on my partner, but rather on all of us. It is truly a gift and I’m sure my heart has grown exponentially. My kids add a dimension to love I would never have been able to understand.

What is your favorite activity (or activities) to do with your children?

We love to make ‘stuff’ in the studio together.. we enjoy drawing anytime, anyplace. This weekend, we visited a rock gym with the family and we all had a BLAST. My son Etai, an avid, very able skier has been enjoying one-on-one time skiing with his daddy.. and as soon as my daughter gets a little better at snowboarding (this season?) she will be joining us as well. We love to frolic in the pool and we love to hike and bike together when time permits.

What is the best way for a man and father to impart wisdom to his children?

By example. Wordless inspiration is so much more powerful than lengthy explanations. That said, I have enjoyed driving my son to school (daughter takes the bus) in the morning (alternating with my wife, Lynn). Our morning ‘commuter’ conversations have been an easy way to discuss a wide array of topics and occasional life lessons.

What piece of technology impacts you most during the day (and is that impact positive or negative)?

My PowerPC G4 at work. It is the source of 90% of my daily communication with the world. E-mails impact my business on a minute-by-minute basis. My work day morphs to match the incoming spew of inquiries, requests, queries, orders, letters, opportunities and kid-related/ family-related memos.

How does technology shape the way you raise and influence your children?

I am conflicted. On one hand, I want the kids to know their way around technology and applaud it. They’ve gotta know this stuff! On the other hand, I am saddened that it is often at the expense of some of life’s most important ‘low-tech’ and hands-on lessons (looking up a word in a dictionary, finding directions by reading a map, learning to build something REAL and lasting) The allure is obvious but the addiction is surreptitious. My family refuses to buy video games such as Wii or X-box. Recently, however, in a moment of weakness I broke-down and bought my son a DS, which I now regret. We did give our kids our outmoded laptops. Of course, the kids have quickly learned how to ‘find’ games in the cyber world.. and we are constantly needing to constrain their usage.. Our kids are now required to log-on to a school site to do homework! …and so now it has become a school-day requirement. With this one exception, during the school week, we have a ‘no electronics’ policy.

How do you think men’s roles will change in the future?

I am optimistic there will be an even easier balance between men and women..perhaps a blurring of outmoded, traditional gender-roles As outlined above, I think we are already heading this way.. More equality in sharing the burdens of running the household, raising the kids, participating in school and ‘bringing home the bacon’ should give way to better understanding and communication. Oh yes, and obviously the intensity of daily living goes up a bunch of notches!

‘Preciate it, Boris!

Boris Bally lives in the West End of Providence, RI with his wonderful wife and two lovely children. Learn more about his Humanufactured efforts at his design site.

/// Digital Dads Exposed returns soon with more unique and interesting perspectives on manhood and fatherhood. Is there someone you would like to see featured? send us an email.