Posts About ‘Chiefs’

Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game 2012: AFC West Preview

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

More importantly, the Jets are gonna suck… oh hello. Didn’t notice you there. Yeah, I took Tebow as my last pick in my fantasy draft. Yep. That happened. Other than that my team is Matt Ryan, Calvin Johnson, Andrew Luck, Falcons D, Peyton Hillis, BenJarvus Green-Ellis, a random kicker (cause who cares) and the highest ranked TE when I got around to it. I have some other receivers too, I don’t remember who. The other league I’m in, no Johnson, but that one required me to pick all the defensive players too. That was 28 rounds. Went pretty quick though.

So only two more divisions to look at before we get to the week one predictions. I know some of my season predictions have been a little wild, but I think except for the record they are pretty accurate. Who the hell knows? You could say I write this column with a grain of salt, a ton of knowledge and a cynical view of some teams, especially the Browns. Ugh.

So how about those replacement refs huh? This is going to be freaking awesome. There is so much that they haven’t seen in preseason, the rules have changed a lot since a lot of these guys have seen action. There are going to be huge mistakes, bad calls and games are going to drag on because of it. Thankfully, that’s why we have NFL RedZone. There’s going to be no point watching a game on CBS or FOX this season, as those broadcasts are going to be long, boring and full of standing around – which means more commercials. Fun. I hope the NFL reaches an agreement with the real Refs as soon as possible.

AFC West

Denver Broncos
Lets see, what has changed in Denver? Not too much I think. Wide Receivers Andre Caldwell, Bandon Stokley join Eric Decker on the offense. Some secondary help in safety Mike Adams and corner Tracy Porter. Tebow is gone, I mean, all he did was lead them to the playoffs. Brady Quinn is also out. What else? I can’t think of anything else that has changed in Denver. Oh yeah – Jack Del Rio comes in as defensive coordinator.

There is something else… what is it. Well, anyway, new offensive coordinator Peyton Manning is oddly enough playing quarterback too, who does that? Really though, the Broncos have a coordinator, but you know damn well that Manning is going to be running the offense. Peyton has already taken a few hits in the preseason and frankly, he looks good so far. I did say that he wouldn’t be physically up to it, but it looks like I might be wrong. His neck is holding up well, and his arm and aim look as good as ever before. This should be interesting to see Manning play for a new team. Really though, it won’t matter. The Colts were only as good as they were because of Manning. The Broncos will get the same effect.

Because, and this bit is important, of the defense. With Von Miller still coming off the edge, and an improved secondary, the Broncos should be good against the rush and the pass. Really, it comes down to pass protection and if Manning can get enough time to get those razor sharp passes off. As for Willis McGahee, well, I think he’s still got a bit left in the tank. Considering the Broncos won the division with a shaky, but impressive leader in Tebow, they’ll definitely win the division with Manning. Er, Manning will win the division with the Broncos backing him up.

Projected Finish: 12-4

Kansas City Chiefs
Palko and Orton have made way for Quinn to back up Matt Cassell, who couldn’t carry the offense by himself last year. That was partly to Jamaal Charles not making it through the first few games. Charles needs to be on his game in order for the Chiefs offense to work correctly. Though, the Chiefs are not sitting on their hands on this on, they brought in Peyton Hillis to be the one hitting the line hard to take the brunt of the hits. If there is one running back in the league who can crush it at the line, it’s Hillis.

The big talk on the Chiefs though is first round draft pick Dontari Poe, defensive tackle out of Memphis. If this guy can deliver, he can impact the defense like Von Miller or Mario Williams. A guy who plays hard and pushes the rest of the defense to his level. However, if he is a super bust as some are saying he might be, then the Chiefs might have a problem. Also, I’m hoping Glenn Dorsey and Tyson Jackson improve a bit over last year, cause those two high draft picks could also make an impression.

The Chiefs are one of those teams that either surprise their opponents, or just be a complete bust. Crennel coaches well under pressure, and he’s under pressure. He’s gotta know that if he doesn’t hit the playoffs or get close, he could be out of a head coaching job. I think that the Chiefs will do well this year, spring out some interesting wins, but they won’t top Manning and the Broncos.

Projected Finish: 10-6

Oakland Raiders
Who follows the Raiders and wants to write this bit for me? If there is one team in the NFL I could really give a shit about, it’s the Raiders. Lets see, Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart some other players, new GM, new approach to playing football – oh yeah, Al Davis is dead. Well, that should change things in Raider country for sure.

The Raiders haven’t had a winning season since 2002. Darren McFadden hasn’t impressed like Arian Foster has, which might change with new coordinator Greg Knapp who coached Foster with the Texans. The Raiders have had a lethargic offense the past few years, mostly because they try to be as pass heavy as possible. With putting more focus on the rushing game though, that might help them win a few games.

I think we are going to see some crazy shit on defense though. Multiple fronts, wild schemes and zone coverages thrown in for good measure. The Raiders are looking to shake things up with the way this franchise is run, on and off the field and while it may not pay dividends this year, it might next year.

Projected Finish: 8-8

San Diego Chargers
This has got to be the last chance for Norv Turner right? I mean this guy can’t hang on any longer if he can’t lead this team through the darkness of the second half of the season and reach the playoffs right? The Chargers always seem to start off hot, then Rivers fizzles near the end of the year. Meanwhile, his draft buddy Eli has won two Superbowls. That has got to sting just a little bit.

Well, premier receiver Vincent Jackson is gone but the Chargers worked pretty hard to replace him. They’ve brought in Robert Meachem, Eddie Royal and Roscoe Parrish to give some depth to the WR position. Then they brought in Le’Ron McClain and Ronnie Brown to help out Matthews in the backfield. None of these guys really screams top-flight running back to me, but the three of them together should get the job done. Really though, the tandem to watch for again is Rivers to Gates.

As for the defense, John Pagano takes over for Greg Manusky and he’s got first round pick Melvin Ingram, second round pick Kendall Reyes and third rounder Brandon Taylor. The hope here is that these rookies, along with the current defense, will help the Chargers late in the season when Rivers needs it the most. This team rests on the shoulders of Rivers and Turner, hopefully they can work together to get it done this year.

Projected Finish: 11-5

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Week 16

Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

"Hey buddy. Hey buddy. IHOP after the game? You know it."

Sigh. Last week was terrible, for pretty much everyone I think. Who saw all those upsets coming? I went 7-9, which I suppose is respectable. I mean, the Seahawks made the playoffs last year with the same record. There were so many upsets last week, I mean – the Packers? Who could have seen that coming. Either way, it’s a new week and I really need to make up some ground if I want a cushy new job at CBS Sports or ESPN. Which I’ll never get only going 63% on the year. Well, that’s still better than most analysts.

So the playoff picture is really fucked up this year. I mean, you have your division winners with the AFC West still mathematically up for grabs, and you have a giant battle on both sides for the wild-card with about thirty billion different scenarios. It should be an interesting week of football. Don’t forget, games are on Saturday this week, not Sunday because of your Christian god and Santa and what not. Also, no one gives a shit about the NBA. On with the picks!

Featured Game

New York at NY Jets Line: -3.0
This game, as Rex Ryan seems to think, is going to be war. The Giants looked like shit last week as Eli threw three interceptions and the defense rolled over like bitches to the Redskins. The Giants seemed to defer the division to the Cowboys with relative ease. Same for the Jets, who kept the Eagles hopes alive by playing like absolute shit. So what happened to the New York teams? They both get a home game here, so there should be some fights in the crowd for sure. They both have QB’s on the cusp of greatness, though Eli obviously is the better QB most days. Both of them tend to make horrible decisions under pressure, but only one of them has the two minute drill down pat, and that’s Eli. I think the Jets will go up early, only to lose late. The Giants have to win this game if they want to have a chance at the playoffs, and win next week, and hope the Cowboys lose. Giants to win.

Tailgate City (The Rest)

Houston at Indianapolis Line: +6.0
Wade Phillips needs to ask for a huge raise. These two teams have shown how important one man can be to a whole team, to a season. However, only one has locked up the playoffs for the first time in their existence, and that would be the Texans. A week after sealing the deal and without Wade Phillips coaching the defense, the Texans suffered a huge upset at the hands of the Panthers, just rolling over on the defensive side of the ball. The fans were booing in Texas (they made it to the playoffs – shut the fuck up!) This week, going in to face the one win Colts (on a precarious ledge between winning too many games and losing enough to secure the 1st pick in the draft) they shouldn’t have any issues. The Colts offense doesn’t have the running attack like the Panthers. The Colts need to lose anyway. They don’t want to I’m sure. But they have one win and the Rams and Vikings each have two. So, they need to stay at one to get “Luck”y. Texans to win on the road.

Denver at Buffalo Line: +3.0
Here’s my analysis of the Denver vs New England game. The Denver defense, stout coming into the game, clearly fell apart in the second half. How do you not cover the best receiving tight end in the league with double coverage? They did a good job of rushing Brady in the first half, then gave it up in the second. And when Bellichick declined that penalty to give the Broncos 4th and one, knowing that Fox would take the safe three points, I knew it was going to be over for the Broncos. The Broncos are the number one rushing team in the league and are you telling me they couldn’t push it one fucking yard? The haters came out immediately blaming Tebow, but he did what he could (save for the late game 30 yard sack) considering his offensive line play was terrible, even against a three man rush. The Broncos were outcoached, and that’s on Fox and the defense. Moving on, they are still leading the division and a win in Buffalo will secure that playoff spot for them as division winners. Buffalo is on a six game skid and it keeps getting worse. A snow game last week in which they usually win, they didn’t. They are terrible right now, and I expect that to continue. Time to rebuild – again. Denver to win on the road.

Arizona at Cincinnati Line: -4.5
A lot of teams, especially in the NFC are still in the “hunt” for the playoffs – at least statistically. The Cardinals being a prime example. If they win out, and every one around them loses, they could be hitting a wild-card spot. But a lot of pieces need to fall into place. This team is not to be counted out, as the Browns learned last week. But that was the Browns, who are coached idiotically. Do not punt directly to the hottest punt return man in the league! The Bengals are unfortunately going to be shut out of the playoffs, sucks for them after their hot start. Dalton has matured into quite the starting QB and shouldn’t have much trouble at home picking apart the Cardinals secondary. The question is, can the Bengals secondary cover Fitzgerald? Bengals to win, barely.

Jacksonville at Tennessee Line: -9.5 UPSET SPECIAL!!
Well, if the Titans have achieved anything this year it was handing the Colts their first (and possibly only) win of the season. Good on them. Someone needed to. It was getting depressing. The Titans looked lethargic at best, apparently they forgot at that point they still had a shot at the playoffs, not anymore. The good news is, we won’t have to see Hasselbeck limping around the field as they are sure to give Locker some playing time. The Jags, well, they had a forgettable season even though MJD had a great year. I’d look for him to rack up some yards in this game, as the Titans run defense has totally fallen apart late in the season. I’m taking the Jags to win, just because they have absolutely nothing to lose and seem to be on again/off again and this should be an on week. Jags on the road.

Oakland at Kansas City Line: -1.0
Mathematically, and pending a Denver loss (which hopefully won’t happen) both these teams are still in the running for a playoff spot. While the Raiders are on a clear slide, the Chiefs beat the Packers. They did it with defense and Romeo Crennel should get coach of the year for that shit. Or at least a full time job. Either way, the Chiefs aren’t the best offensive team, but the Raiders aren’t either. In fact, the only thing the Raiders are good at lately are committing penalties. I’m looking for this game to be no different and the outcome to be determined on penalties and turnovers. Flip a coin. I’m taking the Chiefs at home.

Miami at New England Line: -10.5
No surprise that Miami swept the Bills this year, and no surprise that the Patriots beat the Broncos proper right? Even though I picked the Broncos, but it still wasn’t surprising. As well as Miami is playing right now, and as much as I’d love to pick an upset here it’s not going to happen. Brady and team are setting all kinds of records offensively and should continue against the inconsistent Miami defense. I see no reason why this won’t be a high scoring game though, so look for some fun touchdowns and for Miami to stay in the game through at least three quarters. Patriots to win at home.

St. Louis at Pittsburgh Line: -16.0
For some reason, the Rams beating the Saints is still somewhere in our minds and that should give hope to Rams fans, but it doesn’t. They are terrible from front to back and this week should be no different. The pressure from the Steelers defense will be unbearable for the offense. While the Steelers got whipped in San Francisco, that was clearly a superior defensive team. Too bad they won’t meet in the playoffs. Steelers to win easy at home.

Minnesota at Washington Line: -6.5
The Redskins should be happy with themselves. While still having no shot at a division they have no general business being in (cause they suck and there should be a division for teams like this so they can wallow in their suckiness) they sure did muck up the Giants chances last week. Of course, they were assisted by Eli Manning throwing them the ball plenty of times. I think they win again this week against a Vikings team that has struggled to get anything going this year, getting blown out last week against the Saints. They have hope though, as Ponder and Webb make a good one-two combo at QB. Now, if only one of them was good enough to win a game. Redskins to win at home.

Tampa Bay at Carolina Line: -7.5
The Bucs are terrible. There was a report on the radio that the GM calls down plays to Rahim Morris during the game. What kind of undermining bullshit is that? No wonder they can’t get anything done on the field. They are a disappointment to the league and to the city of Tampa. They may as well switch their jerseys back to the old creamsicles and call it a day. Panthers to win in dominant fashion.

Cleveland at Baltimore Line: -13.0
Someone at work said they had a hard time making this pick because of the way the Ravens played last week against the Chargers. I said are you kidding me? Look at the way the Browns have played all season long! They constantly find ways to lose games, most recently kicking to the best punt returner in the league this year. Morons. Colt is out and Seneca is in, and that shouldn’t give Browns fans anything to hope for at this moment. Meanwhile, the Ravens with Ray Lewis back are losing again. I wonder if he’s shoving aside defensive linemen to try and make every play himself, because whatever he’s doing, it ain’t helping. The Ravens need a big win and this one should be big. Ravens at home.

San Diego at Detroit Line: -3.0
There are two things that are certain in December. One, is that it’s the holidays and you’ll be getting tons of holiday cheer and your once a year Christmas blow job. The second, is that Philip Rivers is nearly unstoppable in December. He continued his tear last weak, beating the Ravens in glorious fashion, making Norv Turner actually look good for once. I think that the Chargers roll into Detroit and pull off another big win, really throwing a wrench into the possibility of the Lions making the playoffs. Chargers to win.

Philadelphia at Dallas Line: -3.0
Let’s see, as much as I want the Eagles to be out of the playoff conversation, this division sucks just enough for them to still be in it. Their only shot is if both the Cowboys and the Giants drop their next two, and the Eagles win their next two. The Eagles hold the tiebreaker, at 3-1 in the division currently. They roll in to Dallas this week, then they get Washington at home next week. So can the “dream team” do it or is their nightmare season finally coming to an end in Dallas? Some pundits have said Romo has had a career season, I say he’s overrated and generally shit, yet, he’s currently helming a division leading team and slaughtered a very crappy Bucs team last week. Dallas making the playoffs seemed the most likely scenario but man, the Eagles have finally got their shit together and are looking like the dream team we were promised. The Cowboys defense has really not played up to expectations and they really need to be on this game. I predicted the Cowboys would win the division, and picking the Eagles here would bounce that prediction unless the Eagles were to lose to Washington next week. The Eagles are playing too good right now, Eagles to win on the road and totally muck up the division.

San Francisco at Seattle Line: +1.5
This is the thought in the Seahawks locker room. If Atlanta, Detroit, Arizona & Chicago don’t win any more games, and the Hawks win their last two they could make the playoffs. Here’s reality, they won’t get past the Niners. Not on a good day. While they went to town on the Bears last week, the Niners are not the Bears and are lights out on defense. Did you see how they beat the Steelers? Defensive pressure. The Niners still have something to play for, and that’s a first round bye. It’s between them and the Saints for that. Of course, the Saints haven’t even technically won their division yet. They will. The Niners should dominate in this game and put the Seahawks out of their misery.

Chicago at Green Bay Line: -13.0
It’s amazing that with Cutler out this long that Martz hasn’t made any adjustments in the offensive game plan to make it any easier for Caleb Hanie. That’s why the Bears haven’t won at all since Cutler has been out, the game is too complicated at this point for Hanie and the Bears have thrown away a once promising season. Sad for Bears fans, good for Packers fans as they should hope for an easy win in this one. But wait, the KC defense stepped up and showed other teams how to beat the Packers – get after Rodgers like your life depends on it. Duh. At the same time, it exposed holes in the Green Bay offensive line and they’ve had a week to fix them. I don’t think the KC win will do anything to help other teams against a normally unstoppable Green Bay offense, but it does kind of bring them down to Earth. Green Bay to win at home.

Atlanta at New Orleans Line: -7.0
Atlanta is pretty much in the playoffs, pending disaster. They have no chance at the division (well, they do but the Saints would have to lose two in a row which ain’t gonna happen,) but the Saints want that delicious home field advantage. So the Saints are going to come out firing in this one. If they get a big lead, will they rest Drew Brees and prevent him from breaking Marino’s record? I doubt it. That’s just not the way Sean Peyton coaches this team. This should be a nice back and forth game, another good Monday night match-up worth watching. The Falcons though, while they can suffer a loss and still be in a good position for the playoffs could stand to get another win just to be sure. Of course, for them to get knocked out of the playoffs a lot of other shit around the NFC has to go down, which is possible based on the match-ups this week. I’m sticking with the Saints though, who are actually looking better than the Packers.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Week 12

Thursday, November 24th, 2011

"If you drop one more pass, no Pumpkin Pie for you!!"

Happy Thanksgiving football fans. Today, of course is the day we celebrate some religiously persecuted folks and their slow but deliberate destruction of the indigenous peoples on this continent. Or something like that. Frankly, the whole thing is a bit fuzzy. All I know is that we eat a lot of Turkey, fight with our families and get completely blitzed. Oh yeah, there is also football. Three games this year, and for the first time in a long time – they don’t suck. How about that?

There is a lot of parity in the NFL this year, which probably accounts for my 101-59 (63%) record on the year. Last week I managed to pull a 10-4 week, but plenty of people at work made me look the fool with their 12-2 picks. Whatever. This week we return to 16 games, bye weeks are finally completely over (I called them over in week 10, forgetting that there were byes in week 11.) There are so many teams at 6-4 and 5-5 that it’s hard to get a good outlook for the playoffs. Teams like the Patriots could falter, while the Bills could wake the fuck up. What about the Lions? On a decline, they bounced back last week against the Panthers. You still in their camp?

Since it’s Thanksgiving, I’m going to theme todays post, just cause I can. Since this is the most awesome NFL column on the entire internets (besides TMQ) I can do that. On a side note, I’m selling some original Xbox games. Someone buy them. On another side note, I’m not making any picks this week. Instead, I’m cooking a delicious Thanksgiving dinner, 16 different and tasty dishes, laid out on the table for you to enjoy. So grab a fork, grab some peppermint schnapps and a glass of cheap ass wine. It’s time for Thanksgiving dinner!

Turkey (White Meat)

Green Bay at Detroit Line: +7.0
The undefeated Packers roll into Motown to face off with the faltering Lions. At one point, I had predicted that both these teams would be undefeated going into this game. Wouldn’t that have been something? Well, the Lions instead decided to start losing games through interceptions and terrible penalties. Last week they seemed to turn around in the second half and scoring enough points to beat the scrappy Panthers. This week however they face off against the best offense in the league. Sure, they’ll score some points and probably early, but I don’t see them ever holding a lead or winning the game. However, this is going to be a great game on the offensive side of the ball for sure. If Stafford makes the mistakes he made last week though, expect the Packers to really run away with the game. That defense, while allowing a lot of points, is unforgiving when it comes to taking advantage of turnovers. Packers to win on the road.

Honey Baked Ham

San Francisco at Baltimore Line: -4.5
A win here would be so freaking sweet for the Niners. They are headed directly for the playoffs and an East coast win against a tough team would solidify that quest. Of course, they’ve already beaten the Lions, so they’ve had a tough test. The Ravens present a different test though, but I’m not sure what it is. The Ravens run defense has been suspect of late, and the Niners run game is the best in the league. The evolution of Crabtree and Alex Smith into a dynamic duo has been fun to watch. This game also features the match-up of Harbaugh vs. Harbaugh. Which brother will win? I think it’ll once again (for the Ravens) come down to the offense, which has sputtered lately. They came alive against the Bengals just long enough to put the game away, but fought the whole time. The Niners are much better than the Bengals and this is put up or shut up time. I think the Niners put up. Niners to win on the road. Sweet.

Mashed Potatoes

Miami at Dallas Line: -7.0 UPSET SPECIAL!!
As if Thanksgiving day isn’t interesting enough with the other two games, this one is mashed right in the middle. A buttery and delicious pairing that four weeks ago we wouldn’t have given one blink about. However, the Dolphins are on a three game tear, and they are looking good doing it. Last week they plastered the Bills, while the Cowboys had to take their drama to overtime to beat the Redskins. Romo looked like he does on paper and played a good game, but the defense let the Redskins stay in the game. Matt Moore is out for some revenge against the team that drafted and waived him, but I also said the Bills would revenge against the Cowboys and they got pistol whipped. The Dolphins are playing solid defense, and this is their chance to prove that they aren’t sucking for Luck. Matt Moore could do well to land himself a starting job. So I’m taking the Dolphins to mash the Cowboys, if only by a small margin. Dolphins to upset on the road.

Turkey (Dark Meat)

Chicago at Oakland, 4:05 Line: -4.5
Do no underestimate the Raiders. While they are still back and forth on defense, they are in no way a team that should be overlooked. And yeah, a 6-5 record and the Broncos biting at their heels isn’t indicative of a full playoff ready run. The offense is starting to seriously click with Carson Palmer (go figure.) Bad news for the Bears, Jay Cutler is out, probably for the rest of the season. So backup Caleb Hanie is ready to take over the reigns. But wait, what’s this? There are reports that the Bears are looking at newly release Kyle Orton. That is not a vote of confidence in the young Hanie. In fact, it’s a bit of an insult to both Hanie and Cutler. Even though Orton has a history with the Bears, it’s too late to bring in a new QB. Hanie knows the system. We’ll see how he does against the Raiders I suppose. Plus, there are other teams higher on the waiver wire that will get first crack at Orton. More on that in a second. This game is going to be a dark, violent, evil affair down there in the pit of the Colosseum. I’m taking the Raiders to prevail in the darkness.

Stuffing

New York at New Orleans Line: -7.0
Here’s a game that really matters this week. Both teams playoff hopes are hanging in the balance and they desperately need a win to push them towards the top. The Giants looked weird last week, taking a loss off a late fumble by Eli Manning. Not sure how he didn’t see that coming. An off week for the Saints should breathe new life into an offense that hasn’t been as explosive this year as it has been in previous years. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been good just not crazy good. The Giants pass rush and run defense is going to be the key here, which means Manning needs to sustain drives to give his defense a proper rest. I think he’ll have trouble doing that. I’m taking the Saints to win at home.

Gravy

New England at Philadelphia Line: +3.0
Every meal on Thanksgiving needs a big pile of brown slop to pour on top right? For me, the gravy is the slow decline of the Eagles season after Vick got a huge contract. Yeah, they got some new life last week and Vince Young was able to pull of an improbable win that he probably shouldn’t have. However, who cares? This is about the mega love the media (save for yours truly) gave the Eagles and Vick. I’m glad they suck, cause I love being right and I haven’t liked this team from the start. Yes, McCoy is having a killer season, and he’s going to run at will against the Patriots, who prefer to allow as many points as humanly possible before scoring more points than the other team. The gravy is when the Eagles lose this game and are put away for good, way out of contention for the playoffs and then the media can shut the fuck up about this team. Patriots to win.

Giblets

Cleveland at Cincinnati Line: -7.5
Gah. Who cares? The Browns suck! My Dawgs did everything they could to lose that game last week, but still won thanks to terrible play calling by Jack Del Rio and the Jags. They should have lost, they deserved to lose and keep getting minor accolades for winning. The defense has sparks of greatness and can certainly contain the run, but Haden has as many penalty yards as great plays. He’s young and makes mistakes. The running game has been crap since Hillis went out with his mystery hammy injury, though Obyganna (whatever) hasn’t been half bad. The Bengals meanwhile came real close to beating the Ravens last week and where Ponder is a good rookie who loses and Tebow is a terrible rookie who wins, Dalton is a good rookie who wins. He makes smart decisions, accurate passes and only the loss of AJ Green last week (in my estimation) kept the Bengals from winning the game. Dalton needs that deep threat. This week though, all he would need is a dog who can catch a football. Bengals to win.3

Canned Cranberry Sauce

Minnesota at Atlanta Line: -9.5
Where Tebow has his constant detractors while he is winning games, Ponder seems to have nothing but love and good happy feelings as he’s losing games. Why? Cause he’s not spouting Jesus love in the locker room after games? Or because he’s a more accurate passer? Either way, he’s still making plenty of rookie mistakes and the defense is doing all they can to keep games close. The Vikings should have beaten the Raiders last week, but didn’t. They just couldn’t keep Ponder from making some crucial errors, but hey, he’s a rookie right? Bullshit. This week they go dome to dome to play the Falcons, who had a tough go of it last week, but seemed in control the whole game. The Falcons need every win they can get if they want to beat out the Saints for the NFC South crown. I don’t think the Vikings will get in their way too much, unless Ponder suddenly turns into not a rookie. Falcons to win at home.

Candied Yams

Carolina at Indianapolis Line: +4.0
At first I was like, “hmm, the Colts need to win one game this season right? This could be the one. Coming in after a bye week, they could be raring to go.” Then I remembered that they truly do suck major balls. The Panthers are playing well, and in the rookie QB conversation Cam Newton is right there at the top. But some serious defensive woes and his offensive line keeping him on the run have kept this team from reaching their true potential. Against the Colts though, they are going to look like gods. The Colts have failed to slow down any runners this season, so I expect Cam and Jonathan Stewart to put up huge rushing yards against the Colts. Hell, they can just run the whole game and suck up time. At least that half of the game will be fun to watch. Panthers to win on the road.

Green Beans

Houston at Jacksonville Line: +3.5
Just so you know, this is the last game I’m writing about this week. Yeah, some kind of order right? For the first time in, well, ever the Texans are all but assured a playoff berth at the top of the division. But they have to keep up their winning ways and hope they don’t falter with Leinart at the helm. We all thought they would when Andre Johnson went out, they didn’t. When Arian Foster was out for a while, we thought they were dead in the water again, but Tate stepped up. I think this is a well coached team that has a solid chance at winning in the first round. So this week, Leinart gets a moderately easy refresher with the Jags. They lost to the Browns last week. The Browns! They suck. Texans to win.

Cornbread

Washington at Seattle Line: -4.5
The Seahawks beat the Ravens. Do you remember that? While they have no chance at the playoffs, they followed that up with a whipping of the Rams. On the other side of the ball, the Redskins can’t decide who they want to hold the ball under center. That, and the fact that Shanahan still likes making dumb ass time management decisions and challenges ultimately dooms this team. Grossman played well against the Cowboys, but once again their secondary was almost nonexistent, letting Romo do whatever he wanted. Yeah, the Seahawks don’t have that kind of offense, but they do have a consistent running game and a strong run defense. I think they shut down the Redskins offense, who certainly don’t travel well, and win at home. That’s what I think.

Tossed Salad

Buffalo at NY Jets Line: -8.5
The 5-5 Bills, who have been losing like a bunch of chumps lately ride into New York (New Jersey) to meet the 5-5 Jets who have been losing like a bunch of chumps lately. There is nothing spectacular about this game. It’s a toss up as to who is going to play just good enough to win. Where the Jets defense was once undefeatable, the Bills offense was just as strong. Now, they both are looking lethargic as Sanchez and Fitzpatrick are proving they are not elite quarterbacks and probably never will be. Thanks to some clever negotiating, Fitzpatrick has his huge contract, then he started losing. The Jets running game is hurting, and the Bills running game isn’t looking any better with Jackson out this week. So that kills the play action and leaves it on the offensive lines to protect long enough for passing. I think the Bills still have a better receiver core, and will win the passing game. For that reason, I’m taking the Bills to win by a slight margin, but really, this game could go either way.

Pumpkin Pie

Denver at San Diego Line: -7.0
The 5-5 Denver Tebows now get a solid challenge in division rival (and also 5-5) NOrv Turner led Chargers. Of course, Norv (how does he still have a job) Turner is only getting worse as time goes on. It’s like the guy never looks at the clock. His management, coaching, of his team is getting worse. No wonder they look like they don’t want to be there. The Chargers are in a sad state of affairs these days, because they have the talent but the drive seems to be missing. Rivers is a good quarterback at heart, but he makes too many mistakes under Norv’s system. So what about the Broncos? Well, they just released Orton, pretty much saying they are putting their money behind Tebow. Elway isn’t sold, which is kind of douchey because Tebow has better stats in his first eight games than Elway had (see below inforgraphic.) No matter what you or Jake Plummer think about the guy, he’s a winner. As Tebow super fan @mbletschtold me about this game, “If he wins, I bet you Norv Turner gets fired. TEBOW!!” I’m Tebowing all over the place these days. Whipped cream baby, just not on any chicks breasts. Tebow won’t have any of that. Broncos to win on the road.

Uh, shut the hell up Elway.

Pecan Pie

Pittsburgh at Kansas City Line: +10.5
Really though, when it comes down to it there is nothing we like more in football more than a nice old fashioned ass whipping. And here’s your ass whipping game this week. The Chiefs are floundering. Cassel is done for the season, nice waste of money there. And you want to talk about inaccurate passing? Take a look at freaking Palko. He threw three interceptions last week, and yeah, it was against the Patriots but who cares? He missed many passes, especially down the sideline. It wasn’t all about lack of protection either, the kid just isn’t ready for the big show. Against the Steelers? He’s got to be shitting in his goddamn boots. The Steelers will crush the Chiefs this weekend, into a substance resembling the gooey center of a pecan pie. Steelers to win.

Collard Greens

Tampa Bay at Tennessee Line: -3.5
If I’m not mistaken (as I often am) Chris Johnson averaged like 1.1 yards a carry last game, really stinking up the joint. Kind of a disgrace after that huge contract he was given for the last couple of years. Consider that back pay buddy. Last week, Hasselbeck was out and Jake Locker came in and almost brought the Titans back against a tougher Falcons team. He’s about to get into the conversation about rookie QB’s. I’m not sure who is playing this weekend, though it looks like Hasselbeck will get the start. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I think Locker is going to be a great quarterback. The kid is damn good and I think the Titans should just go ahead and play him this weekend, let him learn the system and get some experience. Hasselbeck is gone next year, probably retired and the Titans aren’t making the playoffs this year (though not mathematically out.) Either way, the Bucs are too inconsistent on both sides of the ball this year to really be much of a threat to anyone – save for the Packers. What happened last week was just the Packer defense challenging the offense by letting the Bucs think they had a chance. They didn’t. Titans to win at home.

Leftovers

Arizona at St. Louis Line: -0.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!!
Oh shit, there’s another game this week. I almost forgot this match-up because pretty much everyone in the NFL universe couldn’t give a shit about this game. Both teams are playing like shit, both teams have no chance at a winning record and both teams make the other one look that much better. Do you think the Rams can manage to protect Bradford long enough to complete a pass? How about that Skelton guy? He’s making Kolb look better day by day and vice versa. No microwave in the world could heat up this mess to make it look appetizing. Just throw out the paper plates and order a pizza. Rams to win at home.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Week 9

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

Will the Bucs be celebrating against the Saints again?


So, I picked the Denver Tebows to beat the Lions. In my heart of hearts I knew it was wrong, I was wrong and I paid the price by losing a correct pick. It was a chance I was willing to take, just in case. The truth is, as bad as Tebow was, the rest of the team was just as shitty. So he doesn’t know how to throw away the ball and has terrible mechanics, okay. He’s got a spark, but that’s not enough. I’m still on the Tebow train, but the offensive line has got to get it together to give him an extra second. The Lions said they were coming for him, and they did. Of course, it was a good week to have the Lions defense in fantasy football, as I do. Heh.

Overall I went a dismal 8-5. When the blond chicks at work who pick at random get 10 right, you know you are doing something wrong. It’s like when you take a girl bowling and she does that under the legs thing and gets strikes, and here you are shooting from the right side with a spin on the ball and you come up short. Kind of proves chaos theory eh? I’m 76-40 on the season (66%) so that’s not too bad. I really want to stay at or above that percentage, so the next few weeks are going to be crucial. Which means second guessing my gut. Not smart, but gotta do what I gotta do.

I’m going to do something a little different this week. I’m going to immediately pick a winner, then do my analysis than either change the impromptu pick or stick with it. Either way, it should be clear at the end of each paragraph which team I’m going with. I just want to see how accurate my gut (first pick) is compared to my pick after analysis and second guessing. And instead of doing them one by one, I’m going to do all my gut picks at once, down the line. And… go!

Featured Game:

Tampa Bay at New Orleans Line: -7.5
Gut Pick: Tampa Bay The Bucs have not done me well this season, and now they come off a bye and travel to New Orleans to fight for the division. The Bucs got a little help last week as the Saints rolled over for the Rams, which tells me that they were over confident coming into the game, and looking past the game to this one. While I doubt the Saints will play as badly as they played against the Rams, I expect them to over compensate a little bit with some over aggressive play calling, which is sometimes the norm for them, but doesn’t always work against the Bucs. This should be a strong game on both sides of the ball, and it’s going to come down to trick goal line plays and special teams handling. I’d like to see the Bucs go after the Saints on punts and extra points. I think that’s where the difference in this game are going to be. So that being said, I’m taking the Saints to win. Look, I know they are both good teams in the NFC but the Saints at home have a clear advantage and splitting the series this year sounds like a good compromise. Saints at home.

Tailgate City (The Rest)

NY Jets at Buffalo Line: -1.5
Gut Pick: Buffalo The Jets talk a big game, but have yet to really show themselves. Their defense, and specifically Darell Revis have bailed them out when they needed them the most. Their win against San Diego was impressive, but came too late in the game. Especially if they want to contain the Bills, who have established quite a running game with Freddy Jackson. Not to mention the play of the defense, shutting down passing routes and pressuring QB’s left and right. I’m sticking with my gut on this one though, as the Bills are playing better all around football. Bills at home.

Seattle at Dallas Line: -12.5
Gut Pick: Dallas This season has not been easy for the Cowboys. Last week they were terrible. Their defense couldn’t keep up with the well prepared Eagles offense. They made McCoy look like a fucking god as he shredded their run defense and Romo couldn’t keep his feet under him. This team is less than inconsistent, they are bad. The Seahawks meanwhile seem to be coming around a little bit, now that they have Jackson back at QB but losing like they did to the Bungles hasn’t helped their game any. The defense is a strong point, but they don’t have the offensive weapons to get it done. I’d love to pick them to upset, but Cowboys to win at home.

Atlanta at Indianapolis Line: +8.0
Gut Pick: Atlanta Without a win and looking quite pathetic, the Colts are nothing without Peyton. Plenty of teams have injuries, and still play strong. What happened to the dubious Colts defensive front? What happened to the running game? What happened to this team besides the loss of Peyton? If he doesn’t get some MVP votes, then something is wrong in the universe. They need to win eventually right? I don’t think it’s going to be against the Falcons though. Matt Ryan likes playing in a dome, no matter where it is, Detroit or wherever. The Falcons run game is going to be too much for the Colts by themselves. And the rush will have Painter running for his life almost every snap. Falcons on the road.

Miami at Kansas City Line: -5.0
Gut Pick: Kansas City For the second week in a row the Dolphins held a lead, then gave it up like a discount hooker in an airport bathroom. While I said I won’t pick them to win at all this season (playing the odds) I do think they, unlike the Colts, are actually trying to win. There has got to be a breaking point though. It’s not only the offense having no longevity (all you need is an hour) but it’s bad coaching decisions too. The Chiefs on the other hand, looked to be having a bad season, then suddenly waking up and realizing that they are in a so-so division and have a serious chance at it. This is a win they really need if they want to stay in the race. Which is why it’s ripe for an upset. I’m not picking it though. KC at home.

San Francisco at Washington Line: +4.5
Gut Pick: San Francisco Wake up! You are not in an alternate reality! The Niners are 6-1. They haven’t been this good since Steve Young left. Not only that, but they will most likely win the division with a winning record. Quick, off the top of your head, when was the last time that happened in the NFC West? I don’t know, but it’s something to celebrate. Harbaugh is finally the coach that the Niners were looking for and they’ve turned Alex Smith into a franchise QB and somehow sparked Crabtree to start playing to his potential. The offense is clicking and I don’t see them slowing down, even on a long trip to the East coast to face the Redskins. The Redskins are a dismal 3-4, but so is everyone in the NFC East save for the Giants. However, after last weeks shut-out I don’t see them bouncing back against another strong team. Niners to win on the road.

Cleveland at Houston Line: -10.5
Gut Pick: Cleveland Of course my gut says the Browns. In my mind, they never lose. And this is a way I can pick them without actually picking them. The Browns entered the season with high expectations then the Madden curse took a hold of Peyton Hillis, the backup RB hasn’t done shit and Colt McCoy isn’t looking quite like Elway as he did last year. The bright spot is the defense, which is doing it’s job keeping games close, but that’s not enough if the offense isn’t doing shit. Heden is a beast out there in the secondary, but he can’t win games by himself. The Texans are much too good for that. They whipped up on the Titans last week and should be running away with the NFC South any day now. The Browns are just something they stepped in on the way. Texans to win.

Cincinnati at Tennessee Line: -3.0
Gut Pick: Cincinnati Shhh… don’t tell anyone. The Bengals are 5-2 and have the leagues #2 ranked defense. Last week special teams added to the fantastic ride of the Bengals season with two punts returned for TD’s. Dalton has looked like a 5 year veteran, making very few rookie mistakes. Still though, the Bengals still have to beat the Ravens and Steelers who they have to play twice yet this season. That could change everything. They need to rack up as many wins as possible before that point. The Titans, sigh, after getting a huge contract Chris Johnson has been shit, and the injury of Kenny Britt hurt this team even more. However, they aren’t out of it yet, and even after the drubbing at the hands of their division rival Texans, the Titans still have a shot, putting down the Colts last week. Johnson still didn’t get his run game going, as bad as the Colts are, so the problem is him. I’m still hoping each week that he’ll wake up, as long as I’m not playing against him in fantasy football. I’m sticking with my gut here, which I think is going to be a high scoring back and forth affair, with Cincy prevailing due to defensive play. Bengals on the road.

Denver at Oakland Line: -7.0
Gut Pick: Oakland You don’t need much of a gut to predict this after seeing how Tebow performed last week. I think I said what needed to be said in the opening paragraph. He’s getting ripped in the media but that loss was because of a complete failure as a team by the Denver Broncos. This week they roll to division rival Oakland who will be giving Palmer another go. Now, I’ve always liked Palmer, as much as I hate the Bengals. I’ve always thought he was a good QB with an accurate arm and good pocket presence, and he is. But the guy stepped away from the game, and I think that hurt him when it comes to developing a cadence with a new team. It’s been two weeks though, thanks to the bye and I think with that and working non-stop with receivers and this being a home game (cutting out travel time) Palmer will be much better this week. I’d like to see Tebow put up a fight though. Oakland to win at home.

New York at New England Line: -8.5 UPSET SPECIAL!!
Gut Pick: New England Was it a mistake to pick the Patriots to beat the Steelers last week? Maybe. I don’t think so, but everyone else seemed to pick the Steelers to win. Was there something I was missing? Either way, the Patriots offense was shut down for the most part, and they looked human. Now they are back at home, where Brady has lost what – once? Some crazy stat like that. Picking against them almost feels like playing the lottery. You smirk, but know that the odds are completely astronomical. While the Patriots are my gut pick here, I really want to pick the Giants to upset. The Giants seem to either sink down, or rise up to the level of their opponent and their defense has been pressuring QB’s all season and pretty boy Brady was certainly affected by the Steelers pass rush last week. This would be a tough, and huge win for the Giants if they pull it off. Brady was 6-1 against the Steelers and that stat got busted. I’m picking the Giants to upset and bust another stat.

St. Louis at Arizona Line: -0.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK
Gut Pick: St. Louis What do I need to say here that you don’t already know? The Rams finally got their first win, inexplicably upsetting the Saints with killer defense. If they play even marginally like that, the Cardinals will have a tough time keeping up. While neither of these teams are going to win the NFC West, they may as well battle it out for the bottom rung. Kolb has been a complete bust in Arizona, the guy is not a starting QB. Of course, he suffers from lack of protection, so it might not be all him. They did well against the Ravens, pulling at 24-6 lead at halftime but blew it. Coffee is only for closers! Rams to win on the road.

Green Bay at San Diego Line: +6.0
Gut Pick: Green Bay The opening line for this game was 5.5 in favor of the Chargers. I laughed, checked again and saw that it had quickly flipped. Turnovers, bad defense, Rivers fumbling the ball away at a crucial point in the game and throwing two interceptions contributed to their loss against the Chiefs on Monday night. What a debacle. The Chargers played about the same against the Jets, they let the other team beat them on defense, so what chance do they have against the Packers? The Packers are playing all around great football, they make the right decisions and adjustments. Do I expect the Chargers to put up a bit of a fight? Sure. Do I expect them to win? Hell no. Packers to win on the road.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh Line: -3.0
Gut Pick: Pittsburgh One of the best night games is the Ravens and Steelers. This week, they are at the Steelers, where the Patriots were sent home with their tails between their legs last week. As the season goes on, the Steelers get tougher and tougher. The Ravens staged an epic comeback against the Cardinals, but that was the Cardinals. Of course most teams don’t play the same week to week, but the Steelers are one team that is only getting better as the season progresses. The thing about them is, you can sack Ben like 60 times a game and he’ll just shake it off and keep throwing. Really, so will Flacco. He’s got the moves. The fight for the AFC North starts here (but watch the rear view for the Bengals.) Steelers to win at home.

Chicago at Philadelphia Line: -7.0
Gut Pick: Chicago The only reason the Bears are winning is because of the superior play of Matt Forte. The problem is that the Bears haven’t given Forte a new contract and they are running him ragged in the meantime. This wouldn’t be a problem if they gave him what he’s worth. Because it’s already in his head, which means at any time it could affect his game. Of course, it’s a catch-22 as if his play declines, his chances for a huge contract do too. So he’ll play hard. Philly’s LeSean McCoy had a huge running day against the Cowboys, but the Bears actually have a better run defense, when they are on. When they aren’t, they aren’t. It’s no secret I can’t stand Philly this year and want them to fail, but I don’t think I can justifiably pick them to lose at home this week after seeing what they did to the Cowboys last week. Philly to win at home.

In the Sauna (Bye Week Teams)

Bye Week at Carolina
Hey, not a bad first half of the season for Cam Newton. Can you tell this guy is a rookie? Cause I sure can’t. That being said, he can’t do it alone, which their latest loss kind of proves.

Bye Week at Detroit
Relax. Suh is meeting with the league to go over the rules, because he doens’t want to break them. The Lions D is playing dirty lately, and they need to knock that off before it ruins their perception. Not to mention getting the attention of the officials in-game.

Bye Week at Jacksonville
The Jags are about as fun to watch as a turtle getting run over by a cloud. BORING. Is Jack Del rio still the coach? Who cares?

Bye Week at Minnesota
The Vikings have to be feeling pretty good going into this bye week. Unlike the Broncos, the rest of the team has risen up to help transition Ponder to the big leagues, and he’s fared well. While we won’t see the Vikes in the playoffs, we may see them with a winning season after all.

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Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Wild-Card Weekend

Thursday, January 6th, 2011
Rodgers vs. Vick

Rodgers and Vick - who will prevail? (Images: AP)

What needs to be said about this past season that hasn’t been said by a million other sports pundits? It was a wild NFL season with lots of drama, lots of Randy Moss whining, lots of coaches getting fired and of course – Brett Favre’s average sized shlong. Yes, it was a typical NFL season in America.

As the regular season came to a close, I couldn’t help but wonder about the shining turds playing as the NFC West champions. With their back-up QB, they beat the best/worst team in the NFC West to secure a spot in the playoffs with a losing record. What a shame that the NFL is allowing this to happen. If this doesn’t scream for a rule change, I don’t know what does. Hell, I hate to root for the Bucs, but they should have gotten in over the Seahawks, actually it would have been the Giants. Fuck the Bucs.

Well, here we are in the playoffs and I’m a bit depressed. This means that I only have a few NFL columns left to write this season, not to pick up again until August with my AFC & NFC previews. Until then, I figured that I’d fill this space with random sports news of the week, adding in my awesome commentary. Cause that’s how I roll. Anyway, it’s Wild-Card weekend, let’s get our picks on!

No. 6 New York Jets (11-5) at No. 3 Indianapolis Colts (10-6)
The Jets have found themselves in the playoffs even through controversy, mediocre offense and Mark Brunnell taking the snaps to give Sanchez a rest. Of course, the game against the Bills had no impact on their playoff spot. They are the Wild-Card and they are traveling to Lucas Oil to get beat by the Colts. Whoops, did I give that away too soon? No matter how the Colts played during the season, they finished strong and with a lot of injuries to their starters. The rest of the team stood up, and they made a run with Peyton at the helm to get ‘er done and put the Jags and Titans down to secure the division. The Jets are good, especially on run defense. The Colts will have trouble running against them, which is to be expected. But it’s Peyton’s arm they should be afraid of. Meanwhile, the Colts have to watch out for the same for Sanchez. The key to victory for the Colts is shutting down the deep ball and forcing the Jets to keep it short. Nearly the same for the Colts. However, I’m sticking with Peyton in this one, so that they can eventually lose to the Patriots. Colts at home.

No. 5 New Orleans Saints (11-5) at No. 4 Seattle Seahawks (7-9)
No no no no no. The Seahawks do not belong. This is like one of those pictures where everything looks the same and the question is “what doesn’t belong?” The Seahawks, that’s what. They don’t belong. The Giants should have been let in the playoffs with a 10-6 record, or even the Bucs over the 7-9 Seahawks. That being said, they went up against the Rams last week in a win it or go home game and they won it. So you’ve got to give them credit for that. Not only that, but they did it with backup QB Charlie Whitehurst rather than Hasselbeck, who still may not start this weekend when the Saints come into town. The only thing that the Seahawks have going for them, especially against a good team is Leon Washington returning punts. Know how to nullify him? Kick it out of bounds. Even as banged up as the Saints are, and having to travel to the west coast, the Seahawks won’t be able to stop or slow down the offense. This should be a blowout. Saints on the road.

No. 5 Baltimore Ravens (12-4) at No. 4 Kansas City Chiefs (10-6)
The Chiefs have had a very impressive season, finishing not only with a winning record but with one of the best offenses in the league. They strike with speed and wicked precision from Matt Cassel. However, without him they seemed to stumble and Cassel, while not a true pocket passer, loses a lot of his accuracy when he’s rushed. The Ravens, they like to rush quarterbacks. They put the pressure on and keep the pressure on and they usually do it with a three man front. Ed Reed is a monster in the secondary and will get in front of at least one ball in this game to take it away. The Chiefs have a slight advantage at home, and in order to win they need to strike fast and quick and rely on their defense to keep the game close. Flacco is cool under pressure, but he’s gotta be able to hand the ball off quickly as the defensive front for the Chiefs is quick and strong. I’m going out on a limb here, but the Chiefs have had a hell of a run and the Ravens will lose to the Steelers anyway. I’m taking the Chiefs at home.

No. 6 Green Bay Packers (10-6) at No. 3 Philadelphia Eagles (10-6)
The Packers opened up their season with a win at Philly. Now they return to Philly to face Vick instead of Kolb. The Packers beat the Bears in a very convincing win to push their way into the playoffs ahead of the Giants and the Bucs. Rodgers has been beat up this year, the running game has been suspect and the defense has had a few bad days – especially in the secondary. However, towards the end of the season they tightened up and became quite formidable. The Packers defense will have the daunting task of keeping Vick contained. That’s really the only key to the game, keep Vick contained and they should win. Vick still runs when he senses a defensive back or linebacker, sometimes ill advised. Yes, he cuts out a big play every once in a while, but pay attention to the failures in his run – especially when he gets pressured and the secondary is keeping up their coverage. Think back to the Chicago loss, that’s exactly what they did. The Packers need to do the same. If not, the Eagles will definitely win this game. However, I think the Packers defense can contain Vick, so I’m taking the Packers to win on the road and advance.

That’s it. Wild-Card weekend in four paragraphs. Next week: playoffs round two.

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The Digital Dads NFL Pre-Game: Week 8

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

The Jets Flight Crew will be cheering this weekend.

This week I have no choice but to lead with gloating about picking the Cleveland Browns to upset the Saints last week. They turned the spread 180 and beat the Saints in the Superdome thanks to great defensive play. The Madden curse is in full effect with Drew Brees, never more evident than moments after last weeks game when he realized he lost at home to the Browns.

That aside, or including that, I went 10-4 on the week (62-42 on the year.) That’s pretty damn sweet. I should have put some money down. While I got my upset pick right, my crapfest right, I was once again wrong about the Broncos. Fuck you Denver. I’m tired of your shit. Do what I say! Also, the Bills were very surprising last week with their almost victory over the Ravens. I predicted them to lose 34-0 in that game, but they scored 34 and nearly won. It came down to a coin toss. I freaking hate that. They need to institute college rules overtime. Each team gets a chance to score.

So that’s last week. This week, there are some fun match-ups and a game on the other side of the Atlantic (featuring the Broncos.) Week 8 marks the halfway point of the season, so you can go ahead and make your mid-season playoff picks now. For now, here’s my Week 8 picks.

Featured Game:

Green Bay at NY Jets Line: -6.0
The Jets are the best team in the AFC, if not the best team in football. They got last week off, while the Packers got to once again beat the Vikings at home. This game will be good for two reasons. One, to see how Rodgers plays against a very aggressive pass defense and pass rush. Two, to see how the Jets play against a tough run defense and tough pass offense. It’s very interesting, because this could very well be the Superbowl this year. The Jets, Titans or Steelers will be playing the Packers in the Superbowl. At this point I’d be looking at the Jets, but later in the column I’ll say the Titans just because I like to contradict myself. This should be a great game, on both sides of the ball. It’s going to come down to the turnover game to determine the outcome of this one. That being said, taking the Jets at home.

Tailgate City (The Rest):

Miami at Cincinnati Line: -2.0
Man the Dolphins almost pulled it off last week against the Steelers. It was close, what with that late game non fumble fumble. I don’t think the Dolphins would have retained possession anyway. Somehow Henne went for over 250 yards against the Steelers defense, which makes sense since they were spending most of their time protecting the run. This week, the Dolphins hit the road to face the Bengals, who fought hard against the Falcons last week. You know, Palmer is one hell of a QB, but he’s faced with scrambling behind an offensive line that routinely falls apart. How will he fare against the Dolphins pass rush? I’m thinking the Bengals will pull off a close one at home.

Jacksonville at Dallas Line: -6.5
Romo is out. Fractured his left clavicle which brought Jon Kitna into the game. Remember Kitna? The Cowboys haven’t been this bad (1-5) since the first year Jerry Jones bought the team. How they are favored this week is beyond me, but the Jags are no shining stars either. 38 year old Todd Bouman is taking the snaps, and it was a mistake that led to a blowout last week against the Chiefs. The Jags are lacking on pass and rush defense, and I wouldn’t count on their offense to dig them out of a hole. Once they fall behind, they’ll stay behind. Taking the Cowboys at home.

Washington at Detroit Line: -2.5
Even though the Redskins handled the Bears last week in a terrible game (nine turnovers between the two teams) they are still the underdog coming into Detroit. The Lions are coming off a bye week which will only help their cause as a future winning team. They won’t have a winning record this year, but they’ll get close if they can start winning. I don’t think that the Redskins are going to be able to contain Best and their special team defense isn’t that great. The Lions have some speed and could very well burn out the Redskins in this game. I’m taking the Lions at home, another home pick.

Buffalo at Kansas City Line: -8.0
Buffalo shocked all us detractors last week with their near win in Baltimore. I’m guessing they must be reading this column, with me extolling how much they absolutely suck. While their defense was very giving, their offense made up the difference. Matt Cassel has been consistently impressive this season, plus, do any of you have Thomas Jones on your fantasy team? He’s been on fire lately. With that tandem, there is no way the Buffalo defense will be able to hold the game close. Look for Buffalo to come out hot, but fizzle in the end. No overtime for them this week, this game should be decided by the third quarter. Chiefs at home.

Carolina at St. Louis Line: -3.0
The Panthers got their first week last week against the struggling Niners. The Rams aren’t struggling. They aren’t doing fantastic either, and losing to the Bucs last week didn’t help their case, but they are getting much better. The defense for the Rams has been improving every week, actually looking impressive. The Panthers, suck. Which is odd for an NFC South team, which usually boasts tough defenses. I’m looking at the Rams to make a statement this week, that they can beat crappy teams at home. Still, any given Sunday, but I’m still taking the Rams.

Denver at San Francisco Line: -0.0 Crapfest of the Week!
This game takes us to the sunny shores of London. Well, the rain filled shores of London. Frankly, I don’t know why we bother. They like soccer, we like football, get over it. The reason this is my crapfest is that the London games are never good. The jet lag shows on the players, and the fact that this is a regular season game out of the country is a joke. This game should not count against or for any records and should be treated as an exhibition game. So I’m taking a null pick. Broncos have made sure they don’t agree with me at all, like a bad taco, and the Niners are iffy week to week. The only thing that would make me pick the Niners at all would be Troy Smith starting and playing with his childhood friend Ted Ginn Jr. However, null pick.

Tennessee at San Diego Line: -3.5
Kenny Britt, 225 yards and 3 TD’s. That’s a freaking career day for sure. All this thanks to the accuracy of Kerry Collins. The Titans defense is stifling right now, their offense is on fire with both the run and the pass. This is your AFC Superbowl team (providing they don’t lose to the Steelers in the playoffs again.) My advice, leave Young on the bench for now until Collins screws up. They have the rhythm going. The Chargers however, don’t. They’ve been a disappointment this year, and their loss to the Pats last week was terribly sad because it came down to a missed field goal. I’m taking the Titans to win on the road.

Seattle at Oakland Line: -3.0
Wow. Did anyone else watch Oakland land 59 points on the hapless Broncos last week? Where the hell did that team come from? Jason Campbell came in as the backup and led his team, along with McFadden’s 4 TD’s, to a major victory. Everyone got a chance at the ball, and the defense – the defense, in Oakland – freaking killed it. A major surprise, so the question is, can they keep it up? They are favored against the Seahawks, who are once again flying under the radar but quietly holding sole first place in the NFC West. I’m taking the Hawks to win, to bring the Raiders back down to Earth. I know, we’d like to think the Oakland Raiders can dominate once again, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Minnesota at New England Line: -4.0
Will Favre start? Word on the street is that his ankle problem is a bit glorified and it’s mostly his feelings that are hurt. Well, he’s not going to be in a good mood tonight if he starts against the Patriots. Feeling good are Tom Brady and company after taking out the trash in San Diego. Ok, that was harsh. The Vikings aren’t living up to expectations this year at all. Adrian Peterson can’t carry the team, and hasn’t been carrying the team. When Favre is on, he’s on but he hasn’t been on this year. Brady has been his normal Brady self, and the Patriots defense has been mediocre, but good enough to give the offense and Belichick time to trick the other team into losing. Pats at home.

Tampa Bay at Arizona Line: -3.0
I still hate the Bucs and they got lucky in that crappy game against the Rams last week. One thing I can say is that the Freeman to Winslow connection is starting to look pretty good. If they can work on that, since their defense is no longer the dominant force it once was, then they can continue their winning ways. The Cardinals, a short time ago the NFC representatives in the Superbowl are sitting in a mediocre division watching the Seahawks pull away. QB trouble is clearly plaguing this team, with Max Hall not too much better than Derek Anderson this year. Those inconsistencies plus the high turnover ratio is killing this team. However, I refuse to pick the Bucs, so taking Arizona at home.

Pittsburgh at New Orleans Line: +1.0
The Saints are the only home team not favored this week. If you think the Saints struggled against the Browns defense, wait until they face the Steelers defense. Brees surely wants a bounce back, but this week ain’t gonna be it. The Steelers are going to destroy the Saints at home. They are vulnerable right now, Brees is clearly not himself and the Saints offense is not surprising anyone with their tricks anymore. They are losing the turnover game, they are just playing like a normal NFC team with normal problems. The things is, they are the defending Superbowl champions and have no major injury issues. The Steelers, are playing just like we expect them to be playing. Easy road win pick for the Steelers.

Houston at Indianapolis Line: -5.5 Upset Special!!
And the final game of the mid-season rampage is this divisional match-up. The Texans are setting their sights on the playoffs. Can they make it? Beating the Colts twice in one season would be a great start to the playoff hunt. Both teams got to relax this past weekend, and a Monday night game means even more time to run plays and get a solid game plan. Look for Manning to come out quick against the Houston defense to try to catch them before they get warmed up. However, in the end I’m thinking the Texans will prevail with the upset.

That’s it. Now I’m all depressed. The season is half over, and that means the college season is even closer to being over. I’m too depressed to write more words. I’m gonna go drink a six pack of PBR and watch NFL Tonight.

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The shoe cables a repent reward near the visible.