Vigorous Sex Burns Calories. Just Not For YOU.

Surely you’ve heard that sexual activity counts as exercise. But not just any old sex will do. We’re talking vigorous sex.

However, if you were planning to build your new exercise regime around your prodigious lovemaking sessions, first ask yourself these three key questions.

1. When was the last time you actually had truly vigorous sex?
Be honest here. Not only about when it happened last, but about whether it would truly qualify as vigorous. That is, heart-pounding, out-of-breath, sweat-pouring sex. Assuming it took place at some point in this calendar year, you may proceed to the next question…

2. How long did it last?
Seriously now, did the session take as long as an episode of Two and a Half Men? Or was it more like two and a half minutes? If your mad lovemaking lasted about as long as an aerobics class at the gym, you may proceed to the next question…

3. Was there anyone else involved?
I’m not judging. I’m just saying that the idea of intense vigorous sexual activity in this context assumes you’re operating with a partner. Good for you, I suppose, if you’ve gotten to this point in the questionnaire on “auto-pilot.” However, you’re hard-pressed to burn many calories with solitary viewing of internet porn. And it does nothing to increase your circle of friends.

OK. You’ve made it this far, which means that 1) you have had truly vigorous sex in the recent past; 2) it lasted at least as long as a half-hour TV show; and 3) you were not alone. Well done. Now, one final question…

How often is this happening for you?

Really, for vigorous sex to qualify as legit exercise, you’re going to need to be doing it regularly…like three to six times a week.

If you are regularly having intense, long-lasting, cardiovascular sex more than three times a week, congratulations! You win.

If not, get your ass to the gym.

That means you. All of you.

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Also known as the Short Order Dad, Rob accumulated 2.5 million frequent flier miles presenting creative ideas around the globe as president of a top international ad agency while performing stand up at NYC's top comedy clubs and earning a professional cooking degree from the prestigious Institute of Culinary Education. He hosted 50 fun food segments seen on TV stations around the country and served as guest host of WOR radio's nationally syndicated Food Talk. He writes in the Huffington Post, The Daily Beast and delivers his own weekly video "riff" on The Daily Meal. Advertising Age calls him, "undoubtedly one of the industry's most colorful characters."

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