Whew. With the regular refs back I was able to find some solace in the consistency of the games this past weekend, going a pleasurable 10-5. I knew I shouldn’t have picked the Bucs to win a goddamn thing, and the Falcons cut it close, but all in all a good week to be picking games. The best was Monday night, when the Bears totally destroyed the Cowboys and then some. That was fantastic.
So there’s not too much to talk about this week. I’m going to keep it short and sweet, since the Presidential Debates are on soon (I write this column on Wednesday nights if you haven’t figured that out yet after all these years). I can’t tell who won from the debates, since I haven’t watched the debates yet even though you are reading this after the debates. We still have to vote though, not like it matters. The whole douchebag vs. a turd argument. It doesn’t matter. They are both dirty politicians out to protect the corporations and their financial interests, rather than the good of the people. On with the picks!
Arizona at St. Louis +1.0
I’ve seen better Thursday night games. A year ago this would be a hotly contested battle between two teams that weren’t going to win shit. This year, the Cardinals are undefeated and the Rams are coming off an upset win over the Hawks. The Cards have a tough road ahead of them, but the Rams shouldn’t pose much of a challenge. Their defense stepped up last week, but with only a few days rest and facing a very potent set of receivers, I’m sticking with the Cards in this one.
Miami at Cincinnati -3.5
The Dolphins are hilariously bad this season. Yet they hung in with the Cardinals last week… no fucking way. The Bengals are going to destroy the Dolphins on both sides of the ball. If you have a fantasy league in which you play defensive players, pick up every Bengals LB, CB and so on. Bengals to win.
Green Bay at Indianapolis +7.0
The Colts needed a week off to relax, work on some patterns and prepare for the Packers, a team looking to reassert themselves. The Colts could steal this game, because the Packers running game is still trying to find its legs. Regardless, the Colts defense is nothing to be proud of at this point, and allows a shit ton of rushing yards. Packers to win.
Baltimore at Kansas City +7.0
The Chiefs didn’t fare so well last week, biting it hard to the Chargers. This week, another road team rolls into KC looking for a pushover team. The Ravens have holes, the Browns exploited them for most of the game. Press coverage and flushing out the QB. Can KC pull that off? This is a game where I’d love to call a home team upset, but I just can’t. The Ravens defense is too good.
Cleveland at NY Giants -13.0 CRAPFEST OF THE WEEK!
I guess if there is any solace for the winless Browns, it’s that the Saints are also win-less. Though after this week, I’m thinking only the Browns will be win-less. Giants to win.
Philadelphia at Pittsburgh -2.5 GAME OF THE WEEK!
Always a fun game, this in-state rivalry is never without a little violence. The Steelers defense has one mission and one mission only – destroy Michael Vick. I’m pissed that the Eagles beat the Giants, that was bullshit. Vick isn’t any good, he just gets lucky. Harrison, smash! Steelers to win.
Atlanta at Washington +3.0
The Redskins played a close game against the Bucs, who had the win in hand then fucked it up. They are looking moderately okay, as long as the offense stays healthy. They still don’t have much of a running game. The Falcons, well, they are going to be near unstoppable this year. I smell an upset though, but I have to stick with the Falcons to win.
Seattle at Carolina -2.0
I guess I better start picking some home teams to win. Statistics demand it. The Panthers came on strong against the Falcons, but Cam Newton and his dumb fucking touchdown dance pissed off the football gods and they were handed a last second defeat, after a Cam Newton fumble. That’s right Superman. How’s that stupid fucking dance working out for you now? Regardless, the Panthers are offensively playing stronger than the Seahawks are playing defensively. Panthers to win.
Chicago at Jacksonville +6.0
No upset brewing here. Cutler and crew calmly destroyed the Cowboys on Monday night, handling Romo with ease, with five interceptions, two returned for TD’s. This veteran defense is playing amazing. The Jags have no chance. No chance. Bears to win.
Tennessee at Minnesota -5.5
At this point, after beating two good teams in a row (respectively good that is) the Vikings cannot be ignored. Their defense is playing amazing, at both the run defense and the secondary. Special teams play has also been great, with the runners finding the gaps and exploiting weak special teams defenses. The Titans have a weak everything. Vikings to win.
Denver at New England -6.5
Manning looked like his old self against the Raiders, but the Raiders defense blows chunks. I still think that Manning hasn’t clicked with his offensive line, and going into a hostile environment against a team that has a deadly offense will be trouble for Manning. He’ll be playing from behind, communication will be a problem. The key for Denver is taking the crowd out of it as quickly as possible, which means scoring first. This game could really go either way, if it was being played in Denver. Patriots to win at home.
Buffalo at San Francisco -8.0
For two quarters it looked like the Bills were going to pull off the upset last week, then they didn’t. They got beat and beat hard. Alex Smith makes better decisions though, so shouldn’t make as many mistakes. The Niners are up and down this year, and having trouble establishing any kind of solid rhythm. Last week, with the pistol offense, that was pure genius. A rout of the Jets was just what this team needed to get back on track. A rout of the Bills will help as well. Niners to win.
San Diego at New Orleans -3.5
The Chargers came alive last week while the Saints took another knife to the chest. But is any of this for real? A Saints fan pointed out the Saints could still finish 12-4, but with no competent coaching and a defense that appears to be asleep at the wheel, is that possible? As for the Chargers, they tend to appear in a win, better than they are. The Saints are going to wake up this week and win. That’s not a guarantee, but close to it.
Houston at NY Jets +9.0
The Jets have become my no-pick team this year. TEBOW! TEBOW! Houston to win.
Tampa Bay at Bye Week
Hmm… didn’t pick any upsets this week. In that case, the Bucs have a bad bye week.
Oakland at Bye Week
The Raiders, no high draft picks until like 2014… how’s that Carson Palmer trade working out for ya?
Dallas at Bye Week
When are they going to stop thinking Romo is any better than one of those tennis ball machines?
Detroit at Bye Week
Good. Megatron needs to rest up. All that running and no catching a tired receiver makes.