Stop Slutting Up Our Girls

Last week I attended my first dance competition with my daughter. It was a lot of fun to see girls of all ages strut their stuff on the stage and do an amazing job at it. The talent in these young ladies was amazing to see.

What I wasn’t ready for was seeing young girls in fishnets, tight boy shorts and thigh high leather boots. The teased hair, fake eye lashes and gyrating bodies on stage. I talked about this on Cast of Dads #18 and was glad to hear that the other dads were equally upset by it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am the farthest thing from an uptight prude. But, as I sat there in the audience and watched the 6 & 7 year old teams shake things they didn’t have and perform moves that were more appropriate for a stripper pole then a school stage I had to stop and wonder. Why are we letting our kids do this? Worse yet, why were there parents in the audience hooting and hollering every time they did an extra sexy move? How is it that suddenly slutting up our girls is ok with parents?

If you need a visual to make this real for you, take a look at this video below. It hit the web yesterday and after Jessica Gottlieb wrote about it, I knew I had to share my thoughts. Keep in mind that the girls in this video are seven and eight years old.

I can appreciate the girls dancing skills (they are super talented in that video) and I’ve heard the arguments of “they are just costumes”, but all of it still pisses me off. If you can’t handle watching the whole thing, the last 20 seconds or so will be enough to make you scream.

I have a daughter. I see the way she is marketed to. I’ve taken her shopping and seen the outfits that hang on display. Most of it is fine, but so much of it is far from that. Sure, sex sells, but do we need to be selling it to girls so young that they haven’t even developed yet? There is no reason for that.

This is not going to be one of those scream at society pieces, because I firmly believe that it is the job of the parent to not let this happen to their own kids. It is up to you to say, “no you can’t wear that” and explain why something is inappropriate. We can scream all we want, but when I heard those other parents cheering on the girls on stage (just listen to the video) it made me shake my head in shame. I wanted to stand up and turn around and ask point blank, “what the hell are you doing?”

One thing, that this personal experience has taught me is that I’ve got to be more involved if Emily is going to continue doing dance. I had never seen the routines she was working on, until they were on stage. I had seen the costumes ahead of time and they were fine. But, if she had come home with some of the outfits that I saw other girls in what would I have done? I’ve been thinking a lot about that and I know for sure I wouldn’t have allowed her to do it. That would not have been easy as I know dance is turning into a bit of a passion for her, but I would have needed to do it.

My daughter is growing up with a deep rooted self confidence. I want her to know that whatever she ends up looking like that she is her own person. That she is beautiful, smart, awesome and unique. There is nothing wrong with being sexy and flirtatious. That is part of the fun of being a human and while I’m scared to death of when she figures that out, I know it is part of growing up.

Parents, you are the last line of defense here. The old saying that sex sells is a fact and we all know it. That is never going to change, but does sex have to sell in your house? No, it doesn’t. This is a problem that parents are allowing to happen. Complain all you want about what is happening in our world, but the more active you are as a parent and not allow things like this to happen the better we all will be.

Update: As of this afternoon, it looks like all copies of the video have been removed from YouTube, so the embed below won’t work. Can’t say that I’m dissapointed in this, but it does kill a little experiment I was going to do with my daughter.

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C.C. Chapman is the Founder of Digital Dads and the Author of Content Rules. He is a family first entrepreneur with two great kids (a boy and a girl) who loves the outdoors, cooking, photography and playing with technology. He consults with companies around the globe to help them embrace the new world of marketing and business. C.C. is a sought after speaker, photographer and content creator who looks forward to each day as a new adventure.
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  • http://www.thecentsiblelife.com/ Kelly Whalen

    Ironically in the GMA piece this morning the mom of one girl said that her daughter never watched the original video. So favorite pop performer? Not so much.

    Why not allow your daughter to work on a routine for many months that showcases her dance skills instead of a copycat of Beyonce? Seems like the choreographer has more to do with it than anyone else involved.

  • http://www.thecentsiblelife.com/ Kelly Whalen

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm absolutely appalled. I don't know how any parent can think this kind of dancing is at all appropriate. Opt out, people. Seriously.

    I have an 8 year old, and I think the girls have amazing talent, but what happened to their childhoods? I'm guessing they spend every day training while my 8 year old spends her afternoons playing with her siblings and neighbors.

  • C Kohlzy

    I totally agree…our dance school in Norwood, MA takes great care in being tasteful and appropriate for the age. It is a lot of work for the Director but she takes great pride in teaching dance and dance moves…dance as an art form and something the girls love to do. To add sexuality into it too soon just takes away from the age appropriate experience these young girls should be having. Shop around…there are plenty of dance schools…find a teacher/director who shares the same values that you do and your daughters will all be the better for it!

  • Kim

    As the mom of a 5 yo boy I am disgusted by this video and even more disappointed in the parents. Since reading this post and watching the video I have seen the parents of these girls on news channels justifying this routine. They never intended on the world seeing their girls – how disconnected are they?

    How do I convince my son that girls are not sexual objects when this is what he sees? Music and movies are bad enough. At least you can try to draw the line between reality & fantasy. This routine is real life. There is no boundary. I am responsible for ensuring my son respects girls, regardless of looks. It is the responsibility of the parents of these girls to build their confidence without having to sell sex to get it done.

    The excuses and justifications I hear from these parents is truly frightening.

  • Robert Mendez

    Thank you for stating what ought to be obvious. Boys are affected as everyone is affected. I hope sincerely you start talking to him now and don't stop. Boys need to know their feelings are being heard. Too often, they are taught to hide them.

  • Robert Mendez

    I'm missing something. What is true?

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  • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

    The video isn't up any more because the creators of the event and the video had it pulled. It had nothing to do with it being constituted as pornography.

    I used a provocative image on purpose to show that I'm ok with sexy images. I have no problem with them and think they are fine and right. But, not when it comes to kids. I chose the image on purpose.

  • http://www.cc-chapman.com/ C.C. Chapman

    That line has always cracked me up and it is so true. I also like how he talks about hating to hear Dads talking all proud about being an active parent like it is something special and how he yells at them “it is your job!”

    Thanks for bringing a little smile to all this Mur. *hugs*

  • http://blog.michaelcarrasquillo.com mjcarrasquillo

    CC, yeah I see what you're saying about the last few seconds…but they're very talented little girls, no doubt. They did kick butt on MANY levels but I can't help to think also that some of the dance moves (and probably the attire) are a little to sexually suggestive for this age group. My worry is this video in the wrong hands may cause further issues we as a society don't particularly like to deal with. That said, I DO see the effort and hard work put in by these young ladies, but I myself would NOT allow that with my little girl out of the safety of her, still developing, self-esteem & self-respect. I do hope the parents understand the flip side of their little girls performance being publicly displayed in this fashion and the criticism they, I'm sure, are receiving in abundance. A rather less adult natured musical number, such as (at a minimum) the removal of some of the suggestive moves, would have been more sensible.

  • http://twitter.com/susandyoung Susan Young

    As a woman, I disagree with your first point. I had a VERY sheltered childhood. However, by the time I was 6 or 7, I knew that men checked out women. I knew that they specifically checked out boobs and butts and that a more revealing cut for the former and a wiggle of the latter was enough to drive a man wild. Cartoons like old Looney Tunes and Disney taught me that. I didn't know why, but I knew that's how it worked. I remember watching boys my age when I was in a bathing suit to see if any of them responded the way the guys in the cartoons did when they saw a woman in a bathing suit.

    Fast forward to the teenage years. A girl remembers all these things. It's been reinforced from the days of those cartoons. At some point, it all clicks when a girl realizes her sexuality, but the messages of earlier childhood tell her that sexuality is what people are looking for in her, and very little else.

    I totally agree that the discussion needed to be held between the parents and children BEFORE the performance. That's why a parent needs to be involved and know what's going on before they're blindsided during something like this.

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  • http://chinwonder.wordpress.com/ ChinWonder

    Since I was a teenager, I dismissed MTV like I dismissed the Jerry Springer Show and the like. The videoes were explicit, and I found them distasteful.

    I think that is the best scenario, that kids become turned-off by the content. I cannot tell you how my parents did it, but they have raised me well. I was an odd duck growing up, they continued to reassure me it was alright and sometimes virtuous to be different, even though it was easier to follow the crowd. One of my my dad's favorite metaphors, “The big cats act alone.”

    As a result, I have had few friends, but I don't have misguided values. To get to my point, as far as “not slutting up our little girls” goes, we have reasons to be hopeful. The keys, perhaps, are to 1) be observant parents; and 2) start reasoning with your children when they are still very young. If my parents could do it, so can we.

  • Mary

    My daughter is 19 now, but when she was younger and we went clothes shopping, we had a deal – she got one free pass. If there was an outfit that she loved and I hated, then she could get that one, but I had absolute veto power over all of her other choices. This worked well because she felt she had some say, some control. Fortunately, she was a modest kid.
    I've always taught her that her body belongs to her and she can choose how to treat it and how to present it. However, I've also taught her that self-respect is vital to her self-image and safety.
    I don't understand the hyper-sexualizing of children going on today. And I agree that doing something about it starts with parents teaching their children self-respect and how to make good choices.

  • Rebekah Nutter

    E.mily is fortunate to have you as her father. Thank you

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/3LQMP6HH24W6YW7ZILN6S4LDPM NANCY

    Thanks for addressing this unfortunate “entertainment.”

  • http://www.davemadethat.com Dave Delaney

    I agree completely with you C.C. This post reminds me a lot of the pageant scene in Little Miss Sunshine.

    As a father of a three year old girl, I know we're going to have to face these issues soon. It freaks me out just thinking about it.

    “Today, nearly 80 percent of teenage girls are on a diet, 10 percent go on to develop eating disorders and 1,000 young girls die of anorexia.” – https://www.adbusters.org/magazine/77/evolving_…

  • P. Nunn

    Really glad to see a parent speaking out about this. Please don't stop! I cannot believe what little girls are wearing/saying/doing these days. Did the Women's Movement happen for NOTHING??? Looks like it.

  • P. Nunn

    p.s. – whatever happened to tap and ballet???

  • Ann Adams

    My online friend Chris of Rude Cactus wrote a post about young girls beauty contests this past week. As a mom, granny, and even great-granny, I couldn't agree more with him and with you.

    I sent Chris the link to your post when I spotted it on Care 2. Well done and thanks. I look forward to receiving your posts in my email.

  • http://www.sugarrae.com Rae

    here's a working copy… you know, the dance wouldn't have been bad in a different outfit… it was the combo of lingerie and gyrating that was the issue for me.

  • Rae

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i11yBX0kBwo – er, the link would help, unless the blog deleted it…

  • http://www.nataliamelgar.com Natalia
  • Mom of 3

    I thought clothes were too sexy when I was a kid and teen back in the 80's. I had one sweater that was supposed to be worn without a shirt underneath it and couldn't do it at 12, didn't want to do it at 13 and decided at 14 that I liked the added modesty. Now, the stuff that is out for my girls? OMG. I prefer tshirts and pants for my girls because “girl clothing” is too slutty for them. One thing I was given for the elder one to wear had the word “slut” on the backside. I donated it.
    If I had been a mother of those girls, I would have said “WTF!” during the rehearsals. What happened to cute little animal dances? That's what they should be doing, not stripper training!

  • Treason

    I know this is the unpopular opinion but I am with clintus on this one. (one of the posters below)
    The girls were cute, the outfits perhaps a bit over the top but the dance moves were what dance moves are, now.
    Unlike in “beauty pageants”, these girls had skills and worked their butts off to become great dancers.
    They didn't just stand there smiling, looking “pretty” and being useless with tons of make-up on. I find beauty pageants much, much more inappropriate than this was.

    I thought this was delightful.

  • http://www.shapingyouth.org Amy Jussel, ShapingYouth

    Ah, our paths cross again…Hi C.C., I've just come from NYC meeting with a team of heavy hitters in this sphere planning an Oct 22-10 summit to address the sexualization of girls as a public health issue.

    I was invited on behalf of Shaping Youth and our nonprofit's board advisers of Packaging Girlhood.com along with Jean Kilbourne of So Sexy So Soon, the APA Task Force pros, Ms mag, Ford Fnd, etc. so needless to say, we're all ready to do the 'Howard Beale' network shoutout from the windows as I mentioned in a BlogHer comment recently, http://j.mp/duP4Km.

    I'll link to this along w/the hefty dialog about same from the weekend convening which has fueled many a scholar into the stratosphere listening to parents that don't seem to 'get' that it's not a 'context vs. content' issue. (huge diff btwn sexuality & sexualization too; I'll save that for my post tmrw)

    Meanwhile, here's the kidvid that's the antithesis to the provocative/evocative Beyonce bit, a healthy, fun spoof called “All the Scholar Ladies” which is guaranteed to make you smile, C.C.! http://bit.ly/duY79b It was like someone delivered me a direct antidote to a venom bite, to help me fire up my enthusiasm for using the power of media for positive change again. (easy to feel outgunned w/drek)

    Thanks again for adding your voice to the mix, I'm hoping parents like you will be the cavalry coming to support us as agents of change toward some healthier media messaging out there…(Dads will play a HUGE role here, so VERY thankful you're on board, engaged, and peeved ;-)

    Soooooo Save the date…Oct 22, 2010 at Hunter College, NYC. as 'accompanied adults' (that are invited by a girl) join media, policy peeps, thought leaders, and child advocate pros. It should definitely ignite some sparks with the powder keg we're planning! Stay tuned…

  • http://www.tampameditions.com Brenda Baietto

    Thanks so much for writing this. Especially coming from a father it meant so much for me to hear it! My daughter (10) is a tomboy. she is so turned off naturally by all the way too sexy clothes geared to girls in every store. She is not ready for boys and is into sports and playing outside, the park, and drawing. She has friends both male and female. She played baseball and now plays basketball. It is amazing how mothers especially react to my daughter including questioning me about her identity. And other girls her age definitely going off the deep end in way too sexy dresses or tight fitting shorts on these little bodies. And their mothers encouraging them. MY daughter also took dance this year and I was shocked at the moves and the costumes. She stuck it out this year but we did not do performances. My daughter was not going to be dressed like that for all the world to see. I really cannot believe it and I thank God everyday my daughter is who she is. I was the same way growing up and so were all my friends. I am a happy, sexy, mom now who definitely has no identity issues and appreciates when it is appropriate for me to give some sexy.

    Again…thanks so much.

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  • http://cindiburkey.com Cindi

    Throw out/turn off your TV..just that simple act will accomplish much..Great article!! Can't see the video but don't need to.

  • http://cindiburkey.com Cindi

    *Great* article. Can't see the video but don't need to. TV is a big culprit, I banished it years ago and do not miss it at all….anyone concerned about our culture would do well to restrict, eliminate or banish it all together..

  • Jeff McNeill

    This is a cultural difference. In Thailand this kind of behavior is not tolerated. Something has gone horribly wrong with American culture. Sadly it is also through music/movies seen as a culture trend leader.

  • http://twitter.com/timallik Tim Allik

    CC, great post. I'm not recommending that people go out and buy their daughters burkas, but this episode makes me ask wonder if we are cloaking our daughters (and sons) in something even worse: a self-image and an image of women in general that's distorted by the market-driven, tarted-up, emaciated, barely clothed images continuously bombarding us on television, print and online. When and why did modesty go out of style?

  • http://flavors.me/mollyfulton Molly Fulton

    I don't have time to read ALL the comments (many excellent), so I apologize if this is duplicate info. If you care about this issue – which you should,for Pete's sake – find a screening of Consuming Kids. You will gain a better understanding of the damage being done to our children by the premature sexualization, violence, and consumer culture assault on them. It is more than a matter of values – it is a public health crisis getting ready to explode.

  • Gina

    NOTHING to do with prudishness…
    People keep excusing themselves by saying “I'm no prude,” or “Not to encourage prudishness…”

    But this has nothing to do with this discussion, because these are children. Whether one is open-minded, uptight, or anything else in terms of adult sexuality is besides the point. When it comes to children, one can't be a prude or open minded in terms of sexuality like this.

    It kills me that women cover their breasts when feeding their children, which is a completely non-sexual act, for fear of offending, but when little girls put on a blatantly sexualized show adults (including likely their own parents) cheer for it. Crazy. And whether the girls knew what these things meant or not is also irrelevant. Thanks for the article.

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  • Joe

    You're right, you do sound like a snob. I couldn't care less about dance or Julliard but the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders is a very hard squad to be accepted by so if you're in to that, it is shooting for the stars. That being said, children should not be sexualized like this in any way though. It's disgusting. These little dance shops are a dime a dozen.

  • Joe

    I don't have a daughter, but if I did I would discourage her from entering one of these cheesy dance schools. I remember not long ago one of these stupid places had a stage at a local street festival and they had the girls dressed like little hookers. It was disgusting.

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