Comments on: Tracking Our Kids

By: johnmharvey

johnmharvey — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 01:19:42 +0000

While I can agree that “helicopter-ing” is not a good solution and creates a framework for a cat and mouse game, I think there's another factor not mentioned. Doesn't it depend on what you do with the data? If my child was on foursquare (oldest is only 7) the way to use that data is observation, not engagement. You have this discussion with your kids anyway, “Where are you going?” or “Where did you go?”. This is not the time to pull up a mapquest of their route. But if the police asked where your daughter was last seen… foursquare could save her life.

I had this discussion with my wife on a lower level of surveillance: baby monitors. We put one in where the baby is, but at what age do you take it out? My thought again is it depends on what you do with the data. I'm grateful to have audio streaming when friends come over in case I hear, “Let's lock him in the closet”, but I don't engage on the other information.

By: Stefan

Stefan — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 08:33:40 +0000

with two under 4, it is easy to say, when they're older, I'll trust my kids enough not to need to keep tabs on them at all times. i've been tuning in to conversation at the free range kids (http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/), and certainly want that to be the spirit I raise our kids in. there's a lot of media and money made on fear of the unthinkable with our kids. not to be casual or flip about their safety. but how important to growing up for all of us were those early experiences of true independence, even on the edge of driving our own parents nuts with worry.

By: John Wall

John Wall — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 19:41:54 +0000

I wouldn't have a problem with being “Chipped” so I could be found if I went missing, the technology for that isn't far off, it seems to be working well with pets.

My carrier used to have a kids phone that had only 4 buttons, emergency, parents cells and home I think, you can set them as needed…

By: Maria_Myrback

Maria_Myrback — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 06:59:25 +0000

Another great lessons I learned parenting teens is the phrase "Just as soon
as..." As in "Mom, can you take me to the mall?" "Sure sweetie. Just as soon
as your homework is done.". That way they get what they want and you get
what you want. Just replace 'homework' with one of their chores or
obligations. It works great for everyone.

Good luck!

~Maria~

By: notelrac

notelrac — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 23:09:23 +0000

You, too.

Peace.

By: C.C. Chapman

C.C. Chapman — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 22:56:51 +0000

Wow, you raised a point I hadn't even thought about.

I'm debating the whole cell phone or not thing right now for my son, but I think your angle of "when they are old enough to go off on their own" might be the perfect barometer for when he actually gets one.

Thank you for sharing this.

By: C.C. Chapman

C.C. Chapman — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 22:55:42 +0000

15 year old triplets? WHOA……..

Stay strong is all I can say.

By: C.C. Chapman

C.C. Chapman — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 22:55:07 +0000

I really like your approach of taking away the time that they were late. That is a new one to me, but such a simple and smart one. I think I'm totally going to use that when it comes time for curfews with the kids.

Trust is critical. They are going to rebel. They are going to mess up. That is part of growing up.

By: C.C. Chapman

C.C. Chapman — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 22:54:00 +0000

Exactly what I was thinking.

As we talked about it on the podcast I kept thinking about how while it might be helpful on some levels, I didn't like it overall.

By: C.C. Chapman

C.C. Chapman — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 22:53:53 +0000

*laugh* SO true!

By: maxkalehoff

maxkalehoff — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 06:09:28 +0000

You make a good point.

By: kherbert

kherbert — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 04:59:57 +0000

I agree with you about tracking kids. Now I think if a kid is old enough to go off on their own, they should have access to a cell phone. When I was a kid and went off to the park or library, my parents insisted I have a dollar or so in coins for a payphone. Just in case I needed to call them.

I noticed the other day there aren't payphones at my current library. I know the librarians don't let the kids use the phone except in real emergencies – otherwise it would be tied up. Most of the kids there by themselves seem to have cell phones. They are more polite than the adults about using them.

By: notelrac

notelrac — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 02:17:49 +0000

I wrestle with many of the same issues you raise here. OK, as the dad of 15 year old triplets, I may wrestle with 'em at a higher volume Ultimately, I look at things the way you do. My kids and my wife and I need to earn — and hold in highest regard — each others' trust. It is the foundation of our (or any strong) relationship. From there, we manage all other things. That definitely does not mean lack of oversight where the kids are involved. In fact, it requires large amounts of same. But it teaches them how to behave on their own…an invaluable skill as kids get older and parenting takes on different methods and approaches. Guess we'll all know years from now if we pegged this correctly. I'm liking our odds, C.C.! Peace.

By: Maria_Myrback

Maria_Myrback — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 01:29:07 +0000

I agree that it's important for our kids to know that we trust them. I just feel that active tracking should be taken on a case by case basis. If you've got a regular kid who does his/her chores, helps out without too much badgering, stays out of trouble and does at least decently in school, then I see no reason for active tracking.

In our household the typical conversation was: "Mom, I'm going out."
"Where are you going?"
"To fill-in-the-blank"
"Sounds like fun! Anybody going with you?"
"Yeah, I'm meeting fill-in-the-blank."
"Cool. Have fun! Be home by curfew"

If he wasn't home by curfew or within 10 minutes of it, the next time he went out his curfew was shortened by the amount of time he was over. If it happens again, curfew is shortened by the previous time PLUS the time he was over again. Third time? Grounded.

You've GOT to give kids room to make mistakes. Being a helicopter parent (one that hovers around) makes the kid think that they DO have to sneak around. That, my friend, leads to trouble.

By: Jens Bachem

Jens Bachem — Fri, 26 Mar 2010 00:29:06 +0000

Trust and education is the way to go. The little ones will work out how to fool us anyway

By: maxkalehoff

maxkalehoff — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:54:29 +0000

I had trouble unpacking my sentiment during our call, but I found the word to describe a lot of the trouble I have with relying on wireless devices to track kids: Panopticism. According to Wikipedia, “A Panopticon is a building structured in a circle with an observation tower in the center surrounded by an outer wall made up of cells for the incarceration of mental patients or convicts. The purpose of the design is to increase the security through the effectiveness of the surveillance. The convict cannot see the other inmates through the concrete walls and is flooded with light so that everything he does can be observed by the central tower. To quote Foucault in the “birth of the prison,” “We have seen that anyone may come and exercise in the central tower the functions of surveillance, and that this being the case, he can gain a clear idea of the way the surveillance is practiced.” In this counterintuitive way the administration of power becomes decentered, while increasing the efficacy of the disciplinary mechanism.”

I would like to view wireless devices as tools to enhance communication, but parents should be careful not to cross the line of surveillance. As you suggest, that does not cultivate trust.

By: Tweets that mention Tracking Our Kids | Digital Dads -- Topsy.com

Tweets that mention Tracking Our Kids | Digital Dads -- Topsy.com — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 19:52:54 +0000

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jonathan Fields, C.C. Chapman, Steve Woodruff, Digital Dads, Mark Bell and others. Mark Bell said: RT @cc_chapman: Pondering if parents should track their kids or not – http://bit.ly/btrcFy [...]

By: Cherry Woodburn

Cherry Woodburn — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 17:42:04 +0000

I think (1) we get a skewed vision of the amt of danger to our kids with the immediate media coverage we have today (2) programs like 4square can create the illusion that we have more control with our kids (3) I'm with you about letting kids be kids and trusting them and understanding part of their development is testing limits. All that being said, if something very bad happens to one of my kids I'd probably feel guilty for not having a program in the belief that maybe I could have prevented it.

By: Ned

Ned — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 17:21:38 +0000

I will think about this a bit more… And I know it's easier said than done sometimes. (for I have first hand exp!) BUT, initial reaction is: I think just be the best parent/mentor/ear you can be, and the “tracking” will take care of itself.

By: StevenMoore

StevenMoore — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:50:24 +0000

Yep, just introduced my 18yr. daughter to the joys of Foursquare. She likes it and I get to see her friends and where they are. However, less than a week in she learned the no button of broadcasting to friends. I agree with Jay.. its the environment more than her with the trust related issues.

By: Steve Woodruff

Steve Woodruff — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:49:52 +0000

The other factor is that kids are always going to become more tech-savvy than their parents, and will always find a way to defeat “monitoring” efforts. I agree with you that we have to be very careful about things that will set up an adversarial, or distrusting posture with our kids. And do we REALLY want to be processing all that real-time information anyway??

By: jaymartinez

jaymartinez — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:44:35 +0000

Yes kids need to know we trust them.. But these days I would argue its not so much no trust in the child that forces parents to monitor its no trust in their environments. And its sometimes not even the environment they chose to go to its sometimes the environment you needed to be in say for a job for instance. So monitoring I think is essential.. just keep it low-key and make sure your child understands its not them, its everyone else.