I Have a Penis = I Am Not a Mom

Mom and Dad both have three letters and describe someone who has children, but in many ways they are very different words.

mom_dad

This post is not a slight against Walt Disney. It is a brand that I love and had a blast last summer when our family took our vacation there for the first time. So please do not take this as a slam against them, because so many brands do this, but they were the ones the broke the camel’s back.

Yesterday on Twitter I saw several women I know tweeting about a Social Media program that Disney was doing and an e-mail address to reach out to for more information. It was clearly a mom focused program from what I could see, but I still dropped them a note asking if I as a Dad might be interested in whatever it was that was going on.

I got a great reply saying that of course Dads were welcomed and to watch my e-mail for more information.

Then today I received an e-mail with the subject line: Social Media Moms Celebration at Walt Disney World!

It was, of course, an invitation sent to me.

Again, this is NOT about Disney, because the event looks amazing and very smartly put together. In fact the programming sounds like something I’d love to attend. But, the fact that I’m not part of any of that subject line means that the event is not of interest to me. I don’t know why it couldn’t be about Social Media Parents or Social Media Moms & Dads instead.

I love moms. My wife is one of the most amazing women in the world. I hug my mother every time I see her. I’m friends with lots of women who are great moms.

But, guess what? I am not a mom. I’ve got the wrong plumbing to be a mother. As a guy I’m a Dad, Father, Pops, Padre or whatever word you want. Something I can never be is a “mom.”

I remember right after I launched this site I was asked if I would ever join a “PR for Moms” group. I didn’t know the woman all that well, but I chuckled a bit and said that I wouldn’t because I’m not a mom. If it was a “PR for Parents” group I’d join up in a heart beat.

Sure, maybe I’m splitting hairs and harping on technicalities, but I’m sick of the Dads being left out of the parenting equation. I’m an active Dad. Most of the guys out there that I know are also active parts of the parenting equation. Yes, Moms make a ton of decisions and in a majority of households probably control the checkbook as well. But, companies need to wake up that Dads every day are becoming more and more involved in these decisions.

This is not the 1950′s when men went off to work in a suit and hat and the women stayed at home in an apron with the kids. We’ve all moved beyond that and yet brands only want to talk to the moms.

Want to talk to a Dad? I’m right here.

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C.C. Chapman is the Founder of Digital Dads and the Author of Content Rules. He is a family first entrepreneur with two great kids (a boy and a girl) who loves the outdoors, cooking, photography and playing with technology. He consults with companies around the globe to help them embrace the new world of marketing and business. C.C. is a sought after speaker, photographer and content creator who looks forward to each day as a new adventure.

75 Responses to “I Have a Penis = I Am Not a Mom”

  1. Ben Shute Says:

    Great post. You’re absolutely right, it seems a lot of society hasn’t caught up to the new way of the world when it comes to parenting.

    When I left my previous job in February of last year, I took 6 months off to look after my then 8 month old son whole my wife worked.

    And no matter how much time we spent out and about and seeing the same people regularly in our locale, every day I still got the question “is it your day off today?”

    Keep up the great site.

    Cheers
    Ben

  2. Jeni Tate Says:

    I agree it’s time to stop separating people into traditional categories. Many moms and dads are active in their childrens’ lives. Many dads and moms work outside the home. Some dads stay home. Some moms stay home. All kids want active parents in their lives…moms, dads, grandparents, an aunt or an uncle who loves them and raises them. Let’s herald the people who care enough to care.

  3. Ben Shute Says:

    Great post. You’re absolutely right, it seems a lot of society hasn’t caught up to the new way of the world when it comes to parenting.

    When I left my previous job in February of last year, I took 6 months off to look after my then 8 month old son whole my wife worked.

    And no matter how much time we spent out and about and seeing the same people regularly in our locale, every day I still got the question “is it your day off today?”

    Keep up the great site.

    Cheers
    Ben

  4. Jeni Tate Says:

    I agree it’s time to stop separating people into traditional categories. Many moms and dads are active in their childrens’ lives. Many dads and moms work outside the home. Some dads stay home. Some moms stay home. All kids want active parents in their lives…moms, dads, grandparents, an aunt or an uncle who loves them and raises them. Let’s herald the people who care enough to care.

  5. Daddy Files Says:

    Well said.

    I’ve just gotten used to it. When my son was a newborn I checked out a ton of social groups, all titled “Mommy & Baby” and things of that ilk. And even when I joined online communities like BabyCenter, I was immediately regarded with instant suspicion because I was a dad. And an outspoken dad at that. One of the moms even told me I shouldn’t be there because she didn’t want any men spying on a women’s only site. The only problem is the site isn’t women only. But that’s the perception.

    I learned to just go ahead and announce my presence with authority. Some moms are bitches about it, but others look at involved dads as a welcome change as opposed to all the hens sitting around gossiping all the time.

    I wouldn’t expect change at the Disney level, but I just keep setting out to change those stereotypes on a case by case basis.

  6. Daddy Files Says:

    Well said.

    I’ve just gotten used to it. When my son was a newborn I checked out a ton of social groups, all titled “Mommy & Baby” and things of that ilk. And even when I joined online communities like BabyCenter, I was immediately regarded with instant suspicion because I was a dad. And an outspoken dad at that. One of the moms even told me I shouldn’t be there because she didn’t want any men spying on a women’s only site. The only problem is the site isn’t women only. But that’s the perception.

    I learned to just go ahead and announce my presence with authority. Some moms are bitches about it, but others look at involved dads as a welcome change as opposed to all the hens sitting around gossiping all the time.

    I wouldn’t expect change at the Disney level, but I just keep setting out to change those stereotypes on a case by case basis.

  7. Rian Says:

    Nice post… I hate it when I take my 3-month old daughter for a walk, and whenever she starts to give the slightest cry I start getting the “better get that baby back to her mom!” looks. She’s not crying because she doesn’t like me, she’s crying because, well, she’s a BABY! :)

  8. Rian Says:

    Nice post… I hate it when I take my 3-month old daughter for a walk, and whenever she starts to give the slightest cry I start getting the “better get that baby back to her mom!” looks. She’s not crying because she doesn’t like me, she’s crying because, well, she’s a BABY! :)

  9. Laura P Thomas Says:

    Excellent post C.C. – it needed to be said.

    It’s something I’ve wondered about before as one of the contributors to the This Mommy Gig blog (http://www.thismommygig.com). When our blog was first started, only those of us with that mom plumbing were writing on it. Over time, we’ve been joined by several fathers who make great contributions to the parenting discussion.

    Yet, our blog name remains the same. Rebranding takes such effort.

    I’ve wondered before how they feel about that, though, and maybe this will be a good conversation starter for us.

  10. jenny Says:

    Hi C.C. I applaud you on a very good post. When I was deciding on the name of my blog, NewMommyReviews, I really struggled with the fact that I was leaving half of the parenting equation out of the name. My husband, who I trust very much for the male perspective said “Guys don’t care about stuff like that”. I know that was a very generic statement, but it’s how he honestly felt. I guess in the age of PC and equality, men are very rarely vocal about being “discriminated” against. Anyway, thanks for the post and you are welcome on my site anytime, penis or not! :)

  11. Laura P Thomas Says:

    Excellent post C.C. – it needed to be said.

    It’s something I’ve wondered about before as one of the contributors to the This Mommy Gig blog (http://www.thismommygig.com). When our blog was first started, only those of us with that mom plumbing were writing on it. Over time, we’ve been joined by several fathers who make great contributions to the parenting discussion.

    Yet, our blog name remains the same. Rebranding takes such effort.

    I’ve wondered before how they feel about that, though, and maybe this will be a good conversation starter for us.

  12. jenny Says:

    Hi C.C. I applaud you on a very good post. When I was deciding on the name of my blog, NewMommyReviews, I really struggled with the fact that I was leaving half of the parenting equation out of the name. My husband, who I trust very much for the male perspective said “Guys don’t care about stuff like that”. I know that was a very generic statement, but it’s how he honestly felt. I guess in the age of PC and equality, men are very rarely vocal about being “discriminated” against. Anyway, thanks for the post and you are welcome on my site anytime, penis or not! :)

  13. Kirk Skodis Says:

    I get what you’re saying, C.C., but I think from Disney’s (and other brand’s) perspective moms still control the household purse-strings – statistically speaking, and for kid-oriented purchases. It’s just targeting at that point. Not a social commentary on parenting.

    Another way to look at it is that before marketers latched onto “soccer moms” as a demographic, moms were generally overlooked for anything other than washing machines and dish soap. The market’s over-correction towards mommy-bloggers is perhaps justice for years of neglect.

    It’s like when brands complain that consumers are using social media to simply YELL at their friends and leverage the amplified soapbox to their gain. I say DAMN RIGHT they should after years of neglect and awful customer service. Let them have their day in the sun before things settle into a more balanced relationship.

    As a dad who blogs, I’m okay if Disney wants to throw a party for my wife. But I join you in hoping that marketers see dads as an equal part of the parenting equation.

  14. Kirk Skodis Says:

    I get what you’re saying, C.C., but I think from Disney’s (and other brand’s) perspective moms still control the household purse-strings – statistically speaking, and for kid-oriented purchases. It’s just targeting at that point. Not a social commentary on parenting.

    Another way to look at it is that before marketers latched onto “soccer moms” as a demographic, moms were generally overlooked for anything other than washing machines and dish soap. The market’s over-correction towards mommy-bloggers is perhaps justice for years of neglect.

    It’s like when brands complain that consumers are using social media to simply YELL at their friends and leverage the amplified soapbox to their gain. I say DAMN RIGHT they should after years of neglect and awful customer service. Let them have their day in the sun before things settle into a more balanced relationship.

    As a dad who blogs, I’m okay if Disney wants to throw a party for my wife. But I join you in hoping that marketers see dads as an equal part of the parenting equation.

  15. a_dad Says:

    OK, while I wholeheartedly agree with the gist of your post and the basic “Dad’s are left out” of many child::business/marketing endeavors….

    Well, I can’t help but notice that your Blog is sub-titled: “advice. by dads, for dads.” Which indicates the implication that mothers and fathers have DIFFERENT experiences with their children?

    Therefore, why can’t a conference be “mom-centric” if your blog can be “dad-centric?” If Digital Dads held a conference, it would have an emphasis on the Dads? Yes?

    Why not look to co-opt and co-mingle with the Social Media Moms to run a Social Media Dad’s track next year? There may be overlaps, but, there will also be differences? Because, yes, the plumbing is different, but, so is the experience; evolution hasn’t erased the distinction, but has only begun to blur some lines…

    Then again, maybe the Social Media mom’s just want a little time away from the house, on their own, and are glad to leave the dad’s in charge for a weekend?

  16. a_dad Says:

    OK, while I wholeheartedly agree with the gist of your post and the basic “Dad’s are left out” of many child::business/marketing endeavors….

    Well, I can’t help but notice that your Blog is sub-titled: “advice. by dads, for dads.” Which indicates the implication that mothers and fathers have DIFFERENT experiences with their children?

    Therefore, why can’t a conference be “mom-centric” if your blog can be “dad-centric?” If Digital Dads held a conference, it would have an emphasis on the Dads? Yes?

    Why not look to co-opt and co-mingle with the Social Media Moms to run a Social Media Dad’s track next year? There may be overlaps, but, there will also be differences? Because, yes, the plumbing is different, but, so is the experience; evolution hasn’t erased the distinction, but has only begun to blur some lines…

    Then again, maybe the Social Media mom’s just want a little time away from the house, on their own, and are glad to leave the dad’s in charge for a weekend?

  17. Dana Kirk Says:

    I don’t know C.C. I’m not sure what the real issue is here.

    If Disney chooses to have a conference geared towards Mom’s, I don’t see what the problem is. I don’t see that as saying that Dads are not an equal part of the parenting equation (which they absolutely are in my book). They just happen to be targeting women on this one.

    Is it any different than me being invited to join the National Association of Female Executives (even though I’m a guy…like Dana can’t be a guys name…don’t get me started). Or am I missing something here.

  18. Dana Kirk Says:

    I don’t know C.C. I’m not sure what the real issue is here.

    If Disney chooses to have a conference geared towards Mom’s, I don’t see what the problem is. I don’t see that as saying that Dads are not an equal part of the parenting equation (which they absolutely are in my book). They just happen to be targeting women on this one.

    Is it any different than me being invited to join the National Association of Female Executives (even though I’m a guy…like Dana can’t be a guys name…don’t get me started). Or am I missing something here.

  19. Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia) Says:

    This is a good discussion topic!

    I feel quite strongly about it. it’s not like it was branded as a “SINGLE MOTHER’S GROUP”, or other specifically branded site like: ‘MARTIAN MAMORY MEET UP”. Then again, I just googled to find out more information on this, but came up with nothing concrete. A scan of Twitter shows a slew of RT interested in attending Social Media Moms…” DM me…

    I may have to reserve comment until I know more. for all I know, it is a private meet-up held by the “Socoal Media Moms” and the venue is WDW. If this is the case than I shall leave it alone.

    On the other hand, if it is an official WDW event, then I have issues. (I have issues anyway, but that’s beside the point). It should be a parents event, or renamed to clearly define who can attend (as mentioned at the onset of this comment).

    I agree that there is still a preconceived idea that Moms are ‘THE’ parent of the child. This will only change through enough DAD’s piping up and letting the world know that we are here. This thing at WDW might be a great way to get the message out to the world, as WDW would hate to get any bad press, specially if they are showing bias to 50 % of all the parents in the world.

    I could go on, but I would love to see how this event is billed. Perhaps CC can post a link to the official site or at least more details.

    In general, I am annoyed by all the MOM targeted groups. I was a Stay At Home Dad for 8 months with my daughter, and my wife signed us up for a bunch of Mom and tot things. I was asked to leave most of them, which was a pain, any parent will know that it takes a bunch of planning and packing for going out with a baby anywhere, only to be sent away because I don’t have the required plumbing. Later when my wife inquired about these meet-ups, she would ask if Dad’s were allowed before we went. I didn’t go to many after that, as there weren’t many that wanted Dads. Even my wife was annoyed at this.

    The thinking does have to shift to accept the fact that in this day and age, more and more Fathers are taking a more active part of their child’s development and socialization, in ways that were more traditionally done by the Mothers. (about the only thing I have not done is breast-fed my girl, since I physically cannot. (plumbing issues again), In fact, I applied her first diaper right after she was born, not even the mid-wife or nurse did that!

    I would like to see this shift in society occur, and will keep doing what I can to make that happen, and I may have that chance again next Aug, when our 2nd is expected to arrive.

    Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia)

  20. Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia) Says:

    This is a good discussion topic!

    I feel quite strongly about it. it’s not like it was branded as a “SINGLE MOTHER’S GROUP”, or other specifically branded site like: ‘MARTIAN MAMORY MEET UP”. Then again, I just googled to find out more information on this, but came up with nothing concrete. A scan of Twitter shows a slew of RT interested in attending Social Media Moms…” DM me…

    I may have to reserve comment until I know more. for all I know, it is a private meet-up held by the “Socoal Media Moms” and the venue is WDW. If this is the case than I shall leave it alone.

    On the other hand, if it is an official WDW event, then I have issues. (I have issues anyway, but that’s beside the point). It should be a parents event, or renamed to clearly define who can attend (as mentioned at the onset of this comment).

    I agree that there is still a preconceived idea that Moms are ‘THE’ parent of the child. This will only change through enough DAD’s piping up and letting the world know that we are here. This thing at WDW might be a great way to get the message out to the world, as WDW would hate to get any bad press, specially if they are showing bias to 50 % of all the parents in the world.

    I could go on, but I would love to see how this event is billed. Perhaps CC can post a link to the official site or at least more details.

    In general, I am annoyed by all the MOM targeted groups. I was a Stay At Home Dad for 8 months with my daughter, and my wife signed us up for a bunch of Mom and tot things. I was asked to leave most of them, which was a pain, any parent will know that it takes a bunch of planning and packing for going out with a baby anywhere, only to be sent away because I don’t have the required plumbing. Later when my wife inquired about these meet-ups, she would ask if Dad’s were allowed before we went. I didn’t go to many after that, as there weren’t many that wanted Dads. Even my wife was annoyed at this.

    The thinking does have to shift to accept the fact that in this day and age, more and more Fathers are taking a more active part of their child’s development and socialization, in ways that were more traditionally done by the Mothers. (about the only thing I have not done is breast-fed my girl, since I physically cannot. (plumbing issues again), In fact, I applied her first diaper right after she was born, not even the mid-wife or nurse did that!

    I would like to see this shift in society occur, and will keep doing what I can to make that happen, and I may have that chance again next Aug, when our 2nd is expected to arrive.

    Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia)

  21. Dana Kirk Says:

    Laurens, trust me, I’m with you. I was fortunate enough to work out of the house and was very hands on in raising my two youngest sons for their first five years. I took them everywhere…playgroups, etc. and was never openly denied access (as you were) although I did get a few curious stares. I’ve always been a very active part of the parenting equation. The way I see it, you’re missing out on so much if you’re not.

    I still don’t see why there is an issue with Disney. It certainly may not be a smart move on their part but they’re not obligated to create a gender-neutral event. They can create any event they want and call it whatever they want. Or am I missing the big picture here? Anyone?

  22. Dana Kirk Says:

    Laurens, trust me, I’m with you. I was fortunate enough to work out of the house and was very hands on in raising my two youngest sons for their first five years. I took them everywhere…playgroups, etc. and was never openly denied access (as you were) although I did get a few curious stares. I’ve always been a very active part of the parenting equation. The way I see it, you’re missing out on so much if you’re not.

    I still don’t see why there is an issue with Disney. It certainly may not be a smart move on their part but they’re not obligated to create a gender-neutral event. They can create any event they want and call it whatever they want. Or am I missing the big picture here? Anyone?

  23. C.C. C.C. Says:

    Thanks for all the feedback and constructive discussion. That is really what I hoped this post would start.

    I have NO problem with any organization, brand, group or individual having a specific demographic for a campaign or event. I work in marketing and completely understand that.

    What Disney is doing makes sense. They want to have a conference for mothers. That is awesome and I love seeing all these events.

    Where it bothers me is calling it that and then inviting people who are not moms. Just feels really weird to me.

    They are not the only ones, but were just the latest.

    Moms are a super powerful and important demographic. They are made up of a huge variety of women. But, I hope that some day in every angle of life that the Dad will get a fair shake when it comes to being a parent. This is something bigger then just a marketing issue.

    Looking forward to keeping this conversation going.

  24. C.C. C.C. Says:

    Thanks for all the feedback and constructive discussion. That is really what I hoped this post would start.

    I have NO problem with any organization, brand, group or individual having a specific demographic for a campaign or event. I work in marketing and completely understand that.

    What Disney is doing makes sense. They want to have a conference for mothers. That is awesome and I love seeing all these events.

    Where it bothers me is calling it that and then inviting people who are not moms. Just feels really weird to me.

    They are not the only ones, but were just the latest.

    Moms are a super powerful and important demographic. They are made up of a huge variety of women. But, I hope that some day in every angle of life that the Dad will get a fair shake when it comes to being a parent. This is something bigger then just a marketing issue.

    Looking forward to keeping this conversation going.

  25. Kevin Says:

    Thanks for this post CC. The Disney affection for Moms runs pretty deep. While digging into resources recently, we found a site geared toward advice to families traveling to Orlando to shell out their hard earned cash for a “magical” vacation. The name of the site?

    disneyworldmoms.com

    So of course those of us stuck with the wrong chromosome know nothing about family travel and great vacation experiences. Funny considering I’m the one in our family with a travel background who is frequently asked to be the family tour guide when heading to places beyond our little patch of heaven called home.

    Thanks for the “Dadvocacy” efforts!

  26. Kevin Says:

    Thanks for this post CC. The Disney affection for Moms runs pretty deep. While digging into resources recently, we found a site geared toward advice to families traveling to Orlando to shell out their hard earned cash for a “magical” vacation. The name of the site?

    disneyworldmoms.com

    So of course those of us stuck with the wrong chromosome know nothing about family travel and great vacation experiences. Funny considering I’m the one in our family with a travel background who is frequently asked to be the family tour guide when heading to places beyond our little patch of heaven called home.

    Thanks for the “Dadvocacy” efforts!

  27. Max Kalehoff Says:

    Crap. Don’t they get it? Dads are parents, too! Today I left my office, where I’m a member of the management team, to come home and relieve the nanny. I then spent the next three hours with my two toddlers — cooking dinner, brushing teeth, putting pajamas on, reading stories, and then giving back rubs. After cleaning up the house from the mess of toys, I went back to taking care of my executive duties, like answering email, writing plans, and preparing for a big meeting in the morning. Oh yeah, I then kissed my wife when she got in from working late, at 11pm. I may be planning tomorrow night’s weekly trip to Costco, but I, too, have a penis.

  28. Max Kalehoff Says:

    Crap. Don’t they get it? Dads are parents, too! Today I left my office, where I’m a member of the management team, to come home and relieve the nanny. I then spent the next three hours with my two toddlers — cooking dinner, brushing teeth, putting pajamas on, reading stories, and then giving back rubs. After cleaning up the house from the mess of toys, I went back to taking care of my executive duties, like answering email, writing plans, and preparing for a big meeting in the morning. Oh yeah, I then kissed my wife when she got in from working late, at 11pm. I may be planning tomorrow night’s weekly trip to Costco, but I, too, have a penis.

  29. Dana Kirk Says:

    C.C.,

    Yeah, I can understand that part of it. If it is really intended specifically for Mom’s, then inviting a Dad seems the equivalent of a girl having to bring her kid brother to the Girl Scout meeting because her Mom is making her. Yes, he’s allowed to go but how much fun (relevant) would it really be for him.

    As far as Dad’s getting a fair shake, you’re right. In many cases, we deserve more credit. I think I’ll go watch Kramer vs. Kramer.

  30. Dana Kirk Says:

    C.C.,

    Yeah, I can understand that part of it. If it is really intended specifically for Mom’s, then inviting a Dad seems the equivalent of a girl having to bring her kid brother to the Girl Scout meeting because her Mom is making her. Yes, he’s allowed to go but how much fun (relevant) would it really be for him.

    As far as Dad’s getting a fair shake, you’re right. In many cases, we deserve more credit. I think I’ll go watch Kramer vs. Kramer.

  31. Jon Ashby Says:

    Another solid article CC. I’ve been a dad for all of four weeks and I’ve already seen this a few times. On a different angle from marketing I was at the doctor the other day, routine checkup, and while I waited I casually read a brochure aimed at those suffering from postpartum depression. It listed the symptoms, and of course a support group meeting time – just for moms. Nowhere did it indicate any help for dads who might be having a hard time making the transition. No crisis phone number, no group get-together, nothing. I guess the general consensus is that men are supposed to deal with things in a stereotypically quiet and dignified manner. I guess I sometimes forget that as males we shouldn’t have emotions, let alone discuss them.

    I quizzed the doctor about how often dads have trouble when baby comes around, and I wasn’t surprised to hear it’s very common. But support for dads? He had no idea.

  32. Jon Ashby Says:

    Another solid article CC. I’ve been a dad for all of four weeks and I’ve already seen this a few times. On a different angle from marketing I was at the doctor the other day, routine checkup, and while I waited I casually read a brochure aimed at those suffering from postpartum depression. It listed the symptoms, and of course a support group meeting time – just for moms. Nowhere did it indicate any help for dads who might be having a hard time making the transition. No crisis phone number, no group get-together, nothing. I guess the general consensus is that men are supposed to deal with things in a stereotypically quiet and dignified manner. I guess I sometimes forget that as males we shouldn’t have emotions, let alone discuss them.

    I quizzed the doctor about how often dads have trouble when baby comes around, and I wasn’t surprised to hear it’s very common. But support for dads? He had no idea.

  33. Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia) Says:

    After Kramer vs. Kramer, How about Three Men And A Baby, and it’s sequel, Three Men And A Little Lady, incidentally, BOTH are released by Touchstone Pictures, a Disney Brand!, go figure, and who Knew!

  34. Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia) Says:

    After Kramer vs. Kramer, How about Three Men And A Baby, and it’s sequel, Three Men And A Little Lady, incidentally, BOTH are released by Touchstone Pictures, a Disney Brand!, go figure, and who Knew!

  35. Scott Says:

    I echo the feeling you and a couple of other comments have pointed out. It’s fine by me that it’s a mom geared event. But leave it at that. It’s okay te reply something like… thanks for the interest, but we don’t think you’ll get much out of this event.

  36. Scott Says:

    I echo the feeling you and a couple of other comments have pointed out. It’s fine by me that it’s a mom geared event. But leave it at that. It’s okay te reply something like… thanks for the interest, but we don’t think you’ll get much out of this event.

  37. I Love Being a Dad « C.C. Chapman – Boston Media Maven, Digital Dad and Photographer Says:

    [...] I Love Being a Dad Hello there! If you are new here, you might want to subscribe to the RSS feed for updates on this topic.Powered by WP Greet BoxAnyone who knows me, knows that I’ve got a big problem with the way dads are treated by most people. After what has been a very long week of less then positive times I went off on a bit of a rant around the fact that I am not a mom. [...]

  38. Steve Woodruff Says:

    Unfortunately, there’s been a lot of inertial political correctness in making so many things woman/mommy-centric, and ignoring the vital role of men (in society and in the home). I hope the tide will turn somewhat. Being a Dad is not an easy job (I have 5 boys, I know), and it makes it worse when men are belittled and marginalized in the culture at large.

    Laura, as for being one of the Dads contributing to “This Mommy Gig” blog, I just get a kick out of writing on a Mommy blog. Wouldn’t really want it re-branded, because I get to say that I can provide gender balance. I’m just thankful that Ann Handley opened it up to some Dads that way.

  39. Steve Woodruff Says:

    Unfortunately, there’s been a lot of inertial political correctness in making so many things woman/mommy-centric, and ignoring the vital role of men (in society and in the home). I hope the tide will turn somewhat. Being a Dad is not an easy job (I have 5 boys, I know), and it makes it worse when men are belittled and marginalized in the culture at large.

    Laura, as for being one of the Dads contributing to “This Mommy Gig” blog, I just get a kick out of writing on a Mommy blog. Wouldn’t really want it re-branded, because I get to say that I can provide gender balance. I’m just thankful that Ann Handley opened it up to some Dads that way.

  40. Tim Allik Says:

    Hi CC, interesting topic.

    All parents have a special connection with each other. They’ve experienced love for a child, a life-changing experience. Like you, I think dads can learn and share from dads in dad-centric communities (this website is an example)and moms can learn and support each other as moms through similar communities. Support groups for stay-at-home dads, corporate moms, gay parents, homeschooling parents, and grandparents as primary caregivers are growing because people find value in them.

    I’m not sure how I feel about the Disney event. What is a “social media mom” anyway? The concept seems flawed to me, regardless of gender.

    In almost all cases, just one of the parents is way big into social media anyway. The other one takes care of the children.

    I kid. I KID!

  41. Tim Allik Says:

    Hi CC, interesting topic.

    All parents have a special connection with each other. They’ve experienced love for a child, a life-changing experience. Like you, I think dads can learn and share from dads in dad-centric communities (this website is an example)and moms can learn and support each other as moms through similar communities. Support groups for stay-at-home dads, corporate moms, gay parents, homeschooling parents, and grandparents as primary caregivers are growing because people find value in them.

    I’m not sure how I feel about the Disney event. What is a “social media mom” anyway? The concept seems flawed to me, regardless of gender.

    In almost all cases, just one of the parents is way big into social media anyway. The other one takes care of the children.

    I kid. I KID!

  42. Justin Says:

    I work from home. I AM daycare for my son. Snow day yesterday. My day with him. I get the comment all the time “You off today”. After over 9 years of “being off” it doesn’t bug me as much. I don’t mind standing in line with the blue hairs at the post office (sorry if you’re blue haired). I don’t have anything ground breaking to add I just wanted to say I’m my son’s Father. Great post!

  43. Justin Says:

    I work from home. I AM daycare for my son. Snow day yesterday. My day with him. I get the comment all the time “You off today”. After over 9 years of “being off” it doesn’t bug me as much. I don’t mind standing in line with the blue hairs at the post office (sorry if you’re blue haired). I don’t have anything ground breaking to add I just wanted to say I’m my son’s Father. Great post!

  44. Todd Defren Says:

    Say, I have one o’ those plumbing tools, too! ;)

    Last night, at 11:04pm EST, I helped my 17-year-old son finish off and press SUBMIT on his first round of college applications. Involved, important: Dad.

    But I don’t mind the skewing of marketers towards mombloggers, frankly. Leaves me the peace and quiet I desire to play video games, drink beer, watch baseball, and look at dirty pictures. Let the moms have their online fun.

    Cheekily,
    TD

  45. Todd Defren Says:

    Say, I have one o’ those plumbing tools, too! ;)

    Last night, at 11:04pm EST, I helped my 17-year-old son finish off and press SUBMIT on his first round of college applications. Involved, important: Dad.

    But I don’t mind the skewing of marketers towards mombloggers, frankly. Leaves me the peace and quiet I desire to play video games, drink beer, watch baseball, and look at dirty pictures. Let the moms have their online fun.

    Cheekily,
    TD

  46. Jason Falls Says:

    I’ll offer a bit of push back here … though I really do agree with your points and think the right approach would have been for Disney to have a dad approach catered to “daddy bloggers” or folks like you who reached out.

    The simple fact of the matter is that, from a marketing perspective, Mommy Bloggers not only outnumber their male counterparts by four or five times, but women hold 80 percent of the buying decisions in the American household. Is Disney’s targeting lacking sensitivity to the male side of the aisle? Yep. Is it still smart marketing? Yep.

    As you well know, even with targeted outreach the best approach is to target the audience that will produce the biggest impact. Disney is targeting the 80 percent buying decisions, 60 percent of all web users audience. It’s not personal (which makes it less “social”) but it is smart business.

    Make sense?

    (Realistically, as a company that big with those resources, though, they should have a male or combined effort.)

  47. Jason Falls Says:

    I’ll offer a bit of push back here … though I really do agree with your points and think the right approach would have been for Disney to have a dad approach catered to “daddy bloggers” or folks like you who reached out.

    The simple fact of the matter is that, from a marketing perspective, Mommy Bloggers not only outnumber their male counterparts by four or five times, but women hold 80 percent of the buying decisions in the American household. Is Disney’s targeting lacking sensitivity to the male side of the aisle? Yep. Is it still smart marketing? Yep.

    As you well know, even with targeted outreach the best approach is to target the audience that will produce the biggest impact. Disney is targeting the 80 percent buying decisions, 60 percent of all web users audience. It’s not personal (which makes it less “social”) but it is smart business.

    Make sense?

    (Realistically, as a company that big with those resources, though, they should have a male or combined effort.)

  48. C.C. C.C. Says:

    I knew I should have left out the word “Disney” when I wrote this because they are not the problem here.

    I agree with you Jason that from a marketing perspective marketing to moms is a VERY smart move. They are vocal, they are active and they have money to spend and the decision power to spend it. On all fronts that is smart.

    I just firmly believe that it would be smarter to include fathers as well.

  49. C.C. C.C. Says:

    I knew I should have left out the word “Disney” when I wrote this because they are not the problem here.

    I agree with you Jason that from a marketing perspective marketing to moms is a VERY smart move. They are vocal, they are active and they have money to spend and the decision power to spend it. On all fronts that is smart.

    I just firmly believe that it would be smarter to include fathers as well.

  50. Jason Falls Says:

    No disagreement, sir. Just wanted to ensure the readers had the marketing decision side of the aisle fodder to think about, too. It’s easy to read your post and (rightfully) think, “Yeah! I’m a dad and I matter, too!” But then we start acting like the faction of mommy bloggers that are whiny and nuts. (Little sarcasm mixed in there, of course .. heh.)

    It would be smarter to include fathers. No doubt.

  51. Jason Falls Says:

    No disagreement, sir. Just wanted to ensure the readers had the marketing decision side of the aisle fodder to think about, too. It’s easy to read your post and (rightfully) think, “Yeah! I’m a dad and I matter, too!” But then we start acting like the faction of mommy bloggers that are whiny and nuts. (Little sarcasm mixed in there, of course .. heh.)

    It would be smarter to include fathers. No doubt.

  52. Whit Says:

    I’ve been saying this for years. It’s very frustrating.

  53. Whit Says:

    I’ve been saying this for years. It’s very frustrating.

  54. Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia) Says:

    Interesting that today’s society is advanced and accepts the IDEA of new parenting roles, but Marketing is still back in the 50′s!

    I guess C.C. is really asking us to answer the question: WHAT IS A MOM, WHAT IS A DAD? and what’s the difference?

    I’m just glad that we’ve gone up the scale from “WEEK-END, or DEADBEAT”

  55. Laurens (from Can-EH!-Dia) Says:

    Interesting that today’s society is advanced and accepts the IDEA of new parenting roles, but Marketing is still back in the 50′s!

    I guess C.C. is really asking us to answer the question: WHAT IS A MOM, WHAT IS A DAD? and what’s the difference?

    I’m just glad that we’ve gone up the scale from “WEEK-END, or DEADBEAT”

  56. Jim @smashadv Says:

    I was raised by my mother and grandmother, with three sisters and no brothers. I am now married with two daughters, two bitch dogs and a live-in mother in-law. I’m lucky to even have a penis, but you know what? My daughters love me in ways that they don’t love anyone else. Not because I have a penis, but because I am a man with callouses on my hands and gruff on my face and yet softness in my heart. Gender is a strange delineator. There’s a lot we can learn from each other – still.

  57. Jim @smashadv Says:

    I was raised by my mother and grandmother, with three sisters and no brothers. I am now married with two daughters, two bitch dogs and a live-in mother in-law. I’m lucky to even have a penis, but you know what? My daughters love me in ways that they don’t love anyone else. Not because I have a penis, but because I am a man with callouses on my hands and gruff on my face and yet softness in my heart. Gender is a strange delineator. There’s a lot we can learn from each other – still.

  58. Kat Gordon Says:

    Right on, C.C.! And both men and women will benefit once advertisers let go of outdated notions about parenting roles. I blogged recently about how moms are in the workforce like never before — with the same % of women working regardless of whether they had children or not (excluding infants)– yet advertising always depicts the Stay-at-Home-Mom, both visually and in copy. Keep the bullhorn on, C.C. We need to spread the word that parenting is genderless.

  59. Kat Gordon Says:

    Right on, C.C.! And both men and women will benefit once advertisers let go of outdated notions about parenting roles. I blogged recently about how moms are in the workforce like never before — with the same % of women working regardless of whether they had children or not (excluding infants)– yet advertising always depicts the Stay-at-Home-Mom, both visually and in copy. Keep the bullhorn on, C.C. We need to spread the word that parenting is genderless.

  60. DCUrbanDad Says:

    Last summer a few dads and I got our BOB strollers and our kids and went running each Sunday am. All the other Moms out there would “Woot” at us as if what we were doing was curing Cancer. I loved the attention, but I was not doing anything special. Just being a parent. Being involved.

  61. DCUrbanDad Says:

    Last summer a few dads and I got our BOB strollers and our kids and went running each Sunday am. All the other Moms out there would “Woot” at us as if what we were doing was curing Cancer. I loved the attention, but I was not doing anything special. Just being a parent. Being involved.

  62. Judy Brook Says:

    I’m a single mum and my brother was divorced and had custody of his daughter. From when she was conceived all he thought about was being a good dad. Our father died when he was 6 years old. Not having the father image to grow up with was missing all his life. Being a dad was the proudest time of his life, he was consumed by his daughter his wife wasn’t the motherly type, so left her daughter in day care and took of interstate with a trucker. After divorce he raised his daughter and became Mr. Mum. That child never missed out on anything from 2 aunties and her dad she survived and did very well. My brother joined a support group in Australia for dads and became very active in that. He became a grandfather and mainly did the same to assist his single daughter to be a good mum. So today its not whats between your legs that makes a person a godd mum or dad its whats in the other end – the Head and heart. Good luck to all those dads they deserve the recongnition they souley deserve!

  63. Judy Brook Says:

    I’m a single mum and my brother was divorced and had custody of his daughter. From when she was conceived all he thought about was being a good dad. Our father died when he was 6 years old. Not having the father image to grow up with was missing all his life. Being a dad was the proudest time of his life, he was consumed by his daughter his wife wasn’t the motherly type, so left her daughter in day care and took of interstate with a trucker. After divorce he raised his daughter and became Mr. Mum. That child never missed out on anything from 2 aunties and her dad she survived and did very well. My brother joined a support group in Australia for dads and became very active in that. He became a grandfather and mainly did the same to assist his single daughter to be a good mum. So today its not whats between your legs that makes a person a godd mum or dad its whats in the other end – the Head and heart. Good luck to all those dads they deserve the recongnition they souley deserve!

  64. SparkDad Says:

    I agree with you! The worst thing I have been called is Mr. Mom. I scold everyone that calls me that. I am, as you said, a Man! I was also given a hard time regarding staying home with the kids and taking care of the house by my friends.

    I think that they are over it now and can see that just because I am not going to a JOB that my work is hard and takes all of the organization and effort that their jobs do!

    Talk to you soon!

    SparkDad
    http://www.sparkdad.com

  65. SparkDad Says:

    I agree with you! The worst thing I have been called is Mr. Mom. I scold everyone that calls me that. I am, as you said, a Man! I was also given a hard time regarding staying home with the kids and taking care of the house by my friends.

    I think that they are over it now and can see that just because I am not going to a JOB that my work is hard and takes all of the organization and effort that their jobs do!

    Talk to you soon!

    SparkDad
    http://www.sparkdad.com

  66. Kevin Says:

    CC I think you make an excellent point. We are a different generation and we are Dads and We are Here. It’s foolish for companies to ignor it. Even if mom’s control the checkbook for many purchases, we are the ones that tend to make or finalize the big purchases decision. We also are active in our kids lives. In a Survey I’m conducting at TheDADvocateProject.com Dads are spending on average 3 hrs per weekday and 8-12 hrs per day on weekends with their kids. We are there and active.

    I look forward to getting to know you and the other DigitalDads better over the comming months.

  67. Kevin Says:

    CC I think you make an excellent point. We are a different generation and we are Dads and We are Here. It’s foolish for companies to ignor it. Even if mom’s control the checkbook for many purchases, we are the ones that tend to make or finalize the big purchases decision. We also are active in our kids lives. In a Survey I’m conducting at TheDADvocateProject.com Dads are spending on average 3 hrs per weekday and 8-12 hrs per day on weekends with their kids. We are there and active.

    I look forward to getting to know you and the other DigitalDads better over the comming months.

  68. Christy Says:

    As I was reading this post, I was thinking that it sounded just like CC. And so it was. =}

    I have mixed feelings on this topic. On the one hand, women have been marginalized for generations and are only starting to get equal treatment. And, although you were welcome to attend the Disney conference, you weren’t really invited (you requested an invitation) and it’s not necessarily geared toward you. It seems a bit petty to complain that it’s not all about you (as a man), when that’s so often the norm.

    On the other hand, I think men need to step it up in the parenting department (and women need to let them). And when you do (as you obviously are), you should be treated equally with moms. I am most certainly an advocate for equal/shared parenting.

    In the end, I think there is a much bigger issue at play. How many of you assumed that your wife would take your last name when you got married? Did you know that men have to pay to have their names changed, where women don’t? How many men step back to let their wife parent, only “helping out” by “babysitting” now and again? Are you out advocating for better policies in office settings so that women who take time off to have a baby aren’t penalized? The world is not a “fair” place. And, while I think it should be, I think we have much bigger battles to fight than the inclusion of dads in an event geared towards women.

    I’ve said this to you before, and I’m saying it again. Get over it and go where you want to go. By joining in groups and showing that you bring something important to the table, you’ll enact change. It’s what women have had to do for centuries and I can’t feel all that bad that men are now learning how that feels. If we had all done what you’re doing now (“I won’t go if it doesn’t say ‘Dads’ in the title”), we wouldn’t be able to vote or get a job today.

    And this is, of course, coming from someone who changed the name of my parenting group (still in the works) to be more inclusive specifically because I knew that you would refuse to join otherwise…

  69. Christy Says:

    As I was reading this post, I was thinking that it sounded just like CC. And so it was. =}

    I have mixed feelings on this topic. On the one hand, women have been marginalized for generations and are only starting to get equal treatment. And, although you were welcome to attend the Disney conference, you weren’t really invited (you requested an invitation) and it’s not necessarily geared toward you. It seems a bit petty to complain that it’s not all about you (as a man), when that’s so often the norm.

    On the other hand, I think men need to step it up in the parenting department (and women need to let them). And when you do (as you obviously are), you should be treated equally with moms. I am most certainly an advocate for equal/shared parenting.

    In the end, I think there is a much bigger issue at play. How many of you assumed that your wife would take your last name when you got married? Did you know that men have to pay to have their names changed, where women don’t? How many men step back to let their wife parent, only “helping out” by “babysitting” now and again? Are you out advocating for better policies in office settings so that women who take time off to have a baby aren’t penalized? The world is not a “fair” place. And, while I think it should be, I think we have much bigger battles to fight than the inclusion of dads in an event geared towards women.

    I’ve said this to you before, and I’m saying it again. Get over it and go where you want to go. By joining in groups and showing that you bring something important to the table, you’ll enact change. It’s what women have had to do for centuries and I can’t feel all that bad that men are now learning how that feels. If we had all done what you’re doing now (“I won’t go if it doesn’t say ‘Dads’ in the title”), we wouldn’t be able to vote or get a job today.

    And this is, of course, coming from someone who changed the name of my parenting group (still in the works) to be more inclusive specifically because I knew that you would refuse to join otherwise…

  70. Casey Rhodes Says:

    Well put. Recently I blogged about a book babies group that meets at the library once a month. Usually I have to work, but sometimes I get a chance to go in place of my wife. I have a great time, but in my last three visits, I have been the only dad there. It doesn't bother me at all. It's quality fun time with my child. Who wouldn't want that? I just feel sad for all the dads who can't 'man up' and join groups like that. Are all men perpetually busy at the same time? Doubt it. I wonder if it's partly a little bit about what you're talking about, how events like this are catered towards moms. Perhaps the dads feel they are not welcome? Hard to say. Either way, I'd like to see more dads.

  71. Tara Coomans Says:

    Nicely put. I don’t think its too much to ask to be acknowledged as a seperate group, with different interests. Maybe its this millennium’s “equal rights” show down? =)

  72. Tara Coomans Says:

    Nicely put. I don’t think its too much to ask to be acknowledged as a seperate group, with different interests. Maybe its this millennium’s “equal rights” show down? =)

  73. Rachel Happe Says:

    It’s a great point and the funny thing is, I just had a similar reaction because our town library’s only Saturday programs are ‘Dad and me’ events… with the implicit assumption that moms can make the ‘normal’ programs during the week. There are still SO many events planned and scheduled around ‘traditional’ roles and schedules and yet… I don’t know too many people for whom that works any longer, for Dad or Mom.

  74. Dennise b. dimaano Says:

    sana  pumunta  si  mom  and dad  dito

  75. Dennisedimaano Says:

    yes  lola

The shoe cables a repent reward near the visible.