Thanks for bringing this up.

steve.

I too have a Dad voice (as my Dad did). I use it when necessary, but less often then earlier years. Like David above it usually happens at the end of being worn down over time and hearing a comment unbecoming a respectful child. At that point the voice kicks in and order is restored. I have apologized a few times for yelling, but only if I felt that my yelling was beyond the level required.

I believe that parenting is like fishing in reverse. When you begin you have them in the boat, then gradually over time you let them in the water slowly letting out line as they grow. Once in awhile you need to yank the line or reel them back a bit, but when it is all over they will be off the hook swimming in the sea on their own.

I am a first time visitor here. Very cool site. I am a father of two. My daughter is 11 and my son is six. Cheers to all.

I too have a Dad voice (as my Dad did). I use it when necessary, but less often then earlier years. Like David above it usually happens at the end of being worn down over time and hearing a comment unbecoming a respectful child. At that point the voice kicks in and order is restored. I have apologized a few times for yelling, but only if I felt that my yelling was beyond the level required.

I believe that parenting is like fishing in reverse. When you begin you have them in the boat, then gradually over time you let them in the water slowly letting out line as they grow. Once in awhile you need to yank the line or reel them back a bit, but when it is all over they will be off the hook swimming in the sea on their own.

I am a first time visitor here. Very cool site. I am a father of two. My daughter is 11 and my son is six. Cheers to all.

If my memory serves me correctly, most of the yelling was done when they were little. Just to get a pre-schooler’s attention when they are going full steam ahead, requires a little more then normal volume. They, like the dogs mentioned, aren’t really interested in being reasoned with. You raise your voice to let them know you mean business and then give them the ultimatum. Prolonged yelling doesn’t get ANYONE ANYWHERE.

By the time kids reach school and have been exposed to other adults that mean business, they know by body language and facial expressions, when it’s time to stop and listen. Whether they do or not is another whole part of child rearing.

Charlie got yelled at and figured it out. He passed this information unknowingly onto his sister while they were both young. If you listen to both of them, their baby sister has been spoiled since birth.

If my memory serves me correctly, most of the yelling was done when they were little. Just to get a pre-schooler’s attention when they are going full steam ahead, requires a little more then normal volume. They, like the dogs mentioned, aren’t really interested in being reasoned with. You raise your voice to let them know you mean business and then give them the ultimatum. Prolonged yelling doesn’t get ANYONE ANYWHERE.

By the time kids reach school and have been exposed to other adults that mean business, they know by body language and facial expressions, when it’s time to stop and listen. Whether they do or not is another whole part of child rearing.

Charlie got yelled at and figured it out. He passed this information unknowingly onto his sister while they were both young. If you listen to both of them, their baby sister has been spoiled since birth.

My father, on the other hand, had this one look and when it was paired with a very cold “I’m so disappointed in you” it was more than enough to get me back in line. It got to the point where he didn’t even have to say anything. Just that look could stop me dead in my tracks and change course. I don’t remember him ever raising his voice or anything.

We don’t have kids, but I know I will yell at the dogs from time to time. My friend’s a dog whisperer type and he’s pointed out that if you’re quiet, they have to keep the noise down to hear you. They almost always shut up, especially when we were training them with the word “cookie”. It’s hard to curb the scream reflex, but we’re getting better at it every day. If dogs could reason – in a human sense – I’m sure we’d apologize to them. I always feel like crap when I lose my temper with them. They may be wicked smart, but at the end of the day, they’re still dogs doing what dogs do.

My father, on the other hand, had this one look and when it was paired with a very cold “I’m so disappointed in you” it was more than enough to get me back in line. It got to the point where he didn’t even have to say anything. Just that look could stop me dead in my tracks and change course. I don’t remember him ever raising his voice or anything.

We don’t have kids, but I know I will yell at the dogs from time to time. My friend’s a dog whisperer type and he’s pointed out that if you’re quiet, they have to keep the noise down to hear you. They almost always shut up, especially when we were training them with the word “cookie”. It’s hard to curb the scream reflex, but we’re getting better at it every day. If dogs could reason – in a human sense – I’m sure we’d apologize to them. I always feel like crap when I lose my temper with them. They may be wicked smart, but at the end of the day, they’re still dogs doing what dogs do.

There’s a difference though between yelling and just raising your voice. You can raise your voice to get over the roar of fighting kids and still project a calm demeanor, especially when you lower your volume once you have their attention.

I have been yelling a bit more lately though, and I think it’s because of the same things you’ve mentioned here; stress building up, and emotions getting the better of us temporarily. I’ve noticed that my kids don’t listen when I yell, and then everyone just ends up getting stressed without the underlying cause getting addressed.

When I’m able to catch myself, I just talk to them about what happened. I let them know I realize I’ve gotten out of hand, and then I show them what I do to regain my composure. I think this teaches them important coping skills as well so that they can regain control of their emotions even if they have gone temporarily off-kilter. Then we continue the conversation in a calm manner and everyone starts to feel better.

I think the important things so far in this thread are acknowledging when you’ve lost your temper and yelling, showing how you can recover from that, addressing the real problem in a calm manner, and reminding your kids about the unconditional love you have for them.

Great post, and thanks for raising the topic.

There’s a difference though between yelling and just raising your voice. You can raise your voice to get over the roar of fighting kids and still project a calm demeanor, especially when you lower your volume once you have their attention.

I have been yelling a bit more lately though, and I think it’s because of the same things you’ve mentioned here; stress building up, and emotions getting the better of us temporarily. I’ve noticed that my kids don’t listen when I yell, and then everyone just ends up getting stressed without the underlying cause getting addressed.

When I’m able to catch myself, I just talk to them about what happened. I let them know I realize I’ve gotten out of hand, and then I show them what I do to regain my composure. I think this teaches them important coping skills as well so that they can regain control of their emotions even if they have gone temporarily off-kilter. Then we continue the conversation in a calm manner and everyone starts to feel better.

I think the important things so far in this thread are acknowledging when you’ve lost your temper and yelling, showing how you can recover from that, addressing the real problem in a calm manner, and reminding your kids about the unconditional love you have for them.

Great post, and thanks for raising the topic.

There’s a difference though between yelling and just raising your voice. You can raise your voice to get over the roar of fighting kids and still project a calm demeanor, especially when you lower your volume once you have their attention.

I have been yelling a bit more lately though, and I think it’s because of the same things you’ve mentioned here; stress building up, and emotions getting the better of us temporarily. I’ve noticed that my kids don’t listen when I yell, and then everyone just ends up getting stressed without the underlying cause getting addressed.

When I’m able to catch myself, I just talk to them about what happened. I let them know I realize I’ve gotten out of hand, and then I show them what I do to regain my composure. I think this teaches them important coping skills as well so that they can regain control of their emotions even if they have gone temporarily off-kilter. Then we continue the conversation in a calm manner and everyone starts to feel better.

I think the important things so far in this thread are acknowledging when you’ve lost your temper and yelling, showing how you can recover from that, addressing the real problem in a calm manner, and reminding your kids about the unconditional love you have for them.

Great post, and thanks for raising the topic.

First of all, thanks for being bold enough to open up a frank discussion about this subject. It’s not an easy one to really talk about honestly, but it is something that I think all parents, at least all parents who care, struggle with.

I do my very best to never yell. When I do raise my voice, it is typically not the result of a single event, but of a long day of not being heard. If my children are constantly being onery all day long, continually refusing to do as I ask, it wears on me. If I see it wearing on my wife as well, that just adds to it.

The best things happen when one of us is at the end of our rope and the other is able to step in and handle the situation in a calm manner, but sometimes we’ve just both had enough, and we yell. I don’t like it, and I always feel badly after it, and like you, I find myself appologizing for it.

See, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but I will be listened to. I’m the dad. She’s the mom. And we do actually know what’s best for our kids.

One thing I have found tha works really well much of the time (not every time, mind you), is to get very very quiet. When they can’t hear what I’m saying, but they know I’m talking because I’m looking at them and they see my lips moving, they in turn get quiet so they can hear me. Because I am talking so quietly, they actually have to concentrate in order to hear what I have to say to them. It’s just one more tool in the box that I can use to communicate with my children.

Above all, I just love my children unconditionally. There is nothing they can ever do to fall from that. I know that they will make me angry, they will hurt me, they will dissappoint me, but nothing they ever do will cause me not to love them and give them the best that I can.

This unconditional love also goes for my wife.

First of all, thanks for being bold enough to open up a frank discussion about this subject. It’s not an easy one to really talk about honestly, but it is something that I think all parents, at least all parents who care, struggle with.

I do my very best to never yell. When I do raise my voice, it is typically not the result of a single event, but of a long day of not being heard. If my children are constantly being onery all day long, continually refusing to do as I ask, it wears on me. If I see it wearing on my wife as well, that just adds to it.

The best things happen when one of us is at the end of our rope and the other is able to step in and handle the situation in a calm manner, but sometimes we’ve just both had enough, and we yell. I don’t like it, and I always feel badly after it, and like you, I find myself appologizing for it.

See, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but I will be listened to. I’m the dad. She’s the mom. And we do actually know what’s best for our kids.

One thing I have found tha works really well much of the time (not every time, mind you), is to get very very quiet. When they can’t hear what I’m saying, but they know I’m talking because I’m looking at them and they see my lips moving, they in turn get quiet so they can hear me. Because I am talking so quietly, they actually have to concentrate in order to hear what I have to say to them. It’s just one more tool in the box that I can use to communicate with my children.

Above all, I just love my children unconditionally. There is nothing they can ever do to fall from that. I know that they will make me angry, they will hurt me, they will dissappoint me, but nothing they ever do will cause me not to love them and give them the best that I can.

This unconditional love also goes for my wife.

First of all, thanks for being bold enough to open up a frank discussion about this subject. It’s not an easy one to really talk about honestly, but it is something that I think all parents, at least all parents who care, struggle with.

I do my very best to never yell. When I do raise my voice, it is typically not the result of a single event, but of a long day of not being heard. If my children are constantly being onery all day long, continually refusing to do as I ask, it wears on me. If I see it wearing on my wife as well, that just adds to it.

The best things happen when one of us is at the end of our rope and the other is able to step in and handle the situation in a calm manner, but sometimes we’ve just both had enough, and we yell. I don’t like it, and I always feel badly after it, and like you, I find myself appologizing for it.

See, I’m a pretty laid back guy, but I will be listened to. I’m the dad. She’s the mom. And we do actually know what’s best for our kids.

One thing I have found tha works really well much of the time (not every time, mind you), is to get very very quiet. When they can’t hear what I’m saying, but they know I’m talking because I’m looking at them and they see my lips moving, they in turn get quiet so they can hear me. Because I am talking so quietly, they actually have to concentrate in order to hear what I have to say to them. It’s just one more tool in the box that I can use to communicate with my children.

Above all, I just love my children unconditionally. There is nothing they can ever do to fall from that. I know that they will make me angry, they will hurt me, they will dissappoint me, but nothing they ever do will cause me not to love them and give them the best that I can.

This unconditional love also goes for my wife.

Thanks for bringing this up.

steve.