Comments on: The Matter of Life and Death http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/ The mancave of the Internet, where a Dad can be a Guy. Wed, 08 Feb 2012 08:58:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Dan http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-248 Dan Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:36:38 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-248 Appreciate your posts as well, guys, many thanks. One thing I can add is this: today's was Jack's first day back at school (a half-day pre-K program) and his teachers remarked how much more mature (and taller) he seemed after a summer off. Little comments like that certainly make me feel better as a parent, and we know he'll be able to deal with anything life throws at him. :) Appreciate your posts as well, guys, many thanks. One thing I can add is this: today’s was Jack’s first day back at school (a half-day pre-K program) and his teachers remarked how much more mature (and taller) he seemed after a summer off. Little comments like that certainly make me feel better as a parent, and we know he’ll be able to deal with anything life throws at him. :)

]]> By: Dan http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-1323 Dan Mon, 24 Aug 2009 19:36:00 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-1323 Appreciate your posts as well, guys, many thanks. One thing I can add is this: today's was Jack's first day back at school (a half-day pre-K program) and his teachers remarked how much more mature (and taller) he seemed after a summer off. Little comments like that certainly make me feel better as a parent, and we know he'll be able to deal with anything life throws at him. :) Appreciate your posts as well, guys, many thanks. One thing I can add is this: today’s was Jack’s first day back at school (a half-day pre-K program) and his teachers remarked how much more mature (and taller) he seemed after a summer off. Little comments like that certainly make me feel better as a parent, and we know he’ll be able to deal with anything life throws at him. :)

]]> By: mikemost http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-246 mikemost Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:06:52 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-246 My oldest son was four at the time of my Grandmother's passing. This was his first experience to a death in the family. My middle child was only two and the youngest wasn't born yet so it was really only the one that I had to prepare for. It was a very very difficult day at the wake and funeral. He saw his parents cry, his Aunt's and Uncle's cry and most upsetting to him was seeing his own Grandmother cry, who had now lost her mother. He put a smile on everyone's face when he came up to the casket with me to say goodbye when he placed a wildflower he found outside in the coffin with her. He looked at me and said "Nana is sleeping" I said yes and she was now with God and he smiled and added "and with angels too". That's from a kid that doesn't go to Church or live in a house with any practiced religion. Now that he is six and my middle boy is four, the topic comes up but thankfully not about their own mortality yet, but thanks for today's post because that is something my wife and I should discuss how to handle because children have enough fears and concerns just with "the dark" or "green beans". My oldest son was four at the time of my Grandmother’s passing. This was his first experience to a death in the family. My middle child was only two and the youngest wasn’t born yet so it was really only the one that I had to prepare for. It was a very very difficult day at the wake and funeral. He saw his parents cry, his Aunt’s and Uncle’s cry and most upsetting to him was seeing his own Grandmother cry, who had now lost her mother. He put a smile on everyone’s face when he came up to the casket with me to say goodbye when he placed a wildflower he found outside in the coffin with her. He looked at me and said “Nana is sleeping” I said yes and she was now with God and he smiled and added “and with angels too”. That’s from a kid that doesn’t go to Church or live in a house with any practiced religion. Now that he is six and my middle boy is four, the topic comes up but thankfully not about their own mortality yet, but thanks for today’s post because that is something my wife and I should discuss how to handle because children have enough fears and concerns just with “the dark” or “green beans”.

]]> By: mikemost http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-1321 mikemost Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:06:00 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-1321 My oldest son was four at the time of my Grandmother's passing. This was his first experience to a death in the family. My middle child was only two and the youngest wasn't born yet so it was really only the one that I had to prepare for. It was a very very difficult day at the wake and funeral. He saw his parents cry, his Aunt's and Uncle's cry and most upsetting to him was seeing his own Grandmother cry, who had now lost her mother. He put a smile on everyone's face when he came up to the casket with me to say goodbye when he placed a wildflower he found outside in the coffin with her. He looked at me and said "Nana is sleeping" I said yes and she was now with God and he smiled and added "and with angels too". That's from a kid that doesn't go to Church or live in a house with any practiced religion. Now that he is six and my middle boy is four, the topic comes up but thankfully not about their own mortality yet, but thanks for today's post because that is something my wife and I should discuss how to handle because children have enough fears and concerns just with "the dark" or "green beans". My oldest son was four at the time of my Grandmother’s passing. This was his first experience to a death in the family. My middle child was only two and the youngest wasn’t born yet so it was really only the one that I had to prepare for. It was a very very difficult day at the wake and funeral. He saw his parents cry, his Aunt’s and Uncle’s cry and most upsetting to him was seeing his own Grandmother cry, who had now lost her mother. He put a smile on everyone’s face when he came up to the casket with me to say goodbye when he placed a wildflower he found outside in the coffin with her. He looked at me and said “Nana is sleeping” I said yes and she was now with God and he smiled and added “and with angels too”. That’s from a kid that doesn’t go to Church or live in a house with any practiced religion. Now that he is six and my middle boy is four, the topic comes up but thankfully not about their own mortality yet, but thanks for today’s post because that is something my wife and I should discuss how to handle because children have enough fears and concerns just with “the dark” or “green beans”.

]]> By: mikemost http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-1322 mikemost Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:06:00 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-1322 My oldest son was four at the time of my Grandmother's passing. This was his first experience to a death in the family. My middle child was only two and the youngest wasn't born yet so it was really only the one that I had to prepare for. It was a very very difficult day at the wake and funeral. He saw his parents cry, his Aunt's and Uncle's cry and most upsetting to him was seeing his own Grandmother cry, who had now lost her mother. He put a smile on everyone's face when he came up to the casket with me to say goodbye when he placed a wildflower he found outside in the coffin with her. He looked at me and said "Nana is sleeping" I said yes and she was now with God and he smiled and added "and with angels too". That's from a kid that doesn't go to Church or live in a house with any practiced religion. Now that he is six and my middle boy is four, the topic comes up but thankfully not about their own mortality yet, but thanks for today's post because that is something my wife and I should discuss how to handle because children have enough fears and concerns just with "the dark" or "green beans". My oldest son was four at the time of my Grandmother’s passing. This was his first experience to a death in the family. My middle child was only two and the youngest wasn’t born yet so it was really only the one that I had to prepare for. It was a very very difficult day at the wake and funeral. He saw his parents cry, his Aunt’s and Uncle’s cry and most upsetting to him was seeing his own Grandmother cry, who had now lost her mother. He put a smile on everyone’s face when he came up to the casket with me to say goodbye when he placed a wildflower he found outside in the coffin with her. He looked at me and said “Nana is sleeping” I said yes and she was now with God and he smiled and added “and with angels too”. That’s from a kid that doesn’t go to Church or live in a house with any practiced religion. Now that he is six and my middle boy is four, the topic comes up but thankfully not about their own mortality yet, but thanks for today’s post because that is something my wife and I should discuss how to handle because children have enough fears and concerns just with “the dark” or “green beans”.

]]> By: Chip Griffin http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-245 Chip Griffin Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:26:47 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-245 It definitely can be a challenge. Our eldest son (now 8) has been concerned about death and dying from a very early age. But it really hit home and bothered him a couple of years ago when a friend of ours died unexpectedly. He was then 6 and had trouble sleeping for several days afterward, probably exacerbated by the fact that my wife and I had to fly to Hawaii for the funeral. It was the first time someone he really knew had died and it hit him pretty hard. We were pretty honest with him, but mostly let him adjust to it in his own way. We answered whatever questions he had and tried to be reassuring while still acknowledging the tragedy of it. He has been good at differentiating truly tragic deaths (like that one) and others that are more understandable. For instance, when my grandfather died at age 100 last year, he was upset, but realized without being told that it was a much different situation. While my grandfather had been in OK health for someone at the century mark, my son also understood that you're lucky to live to that age. As for the "not for a very long time" response, that's pretty much what we say, too. The take it slow approach, when feasible, seems like a good one. It definitely can be a challenge. Our eldest son (now 8) has been concerned about death and dying from a very early age. But it really hit home and bothered him a couple of years ago when a friend of ours died unexpectedly. He was then 6 and had trouble sleeping for several days afterward, probably exacerbated by the fact that my wife and I had to fly to Hawaii for the funeral. It was the first time someone he really knew had died and it hit him pretty hard.

We were pretty honest with him, but mostly let him adjust to it in his own way. We answered whatever questions he had and tried to be reassuring while still acknowledging the tragedy of it.

He has been good at differentiating truly tragic deaths (like that one) and others that are more understandable. For instance, when my grandfather died at age 100 last year, he was upset, but realized without being told that it was a much different situation. While my grandfather had been in OK health for someone at the century mark, my son also understood that you’re lucky to live to that age.

As for the “not for a very long time” response, that’s pretty much what we say, too. The take it slow approach, when feasible, seems like a good one.

]]> By: Chip Griffin http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-1319 Chip Griffin Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:26:00 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-1319 It definitely can be a challenge. Our eldest son (now 8) has been concerned about death and dying from a very early age. But it really hit home and bothered him a couple of years ago when a friend of ours died unexpectedly. He was then 6 and had trouble sleeping for several days afterward, probably exacerbated by the fact that my wife and I had to fly to Hawaii for the funeral. It was the first time someone he really knew had died and it hit him pretty hard. We were pretty honest with him, but mostly let him adjust to it in his own way. We answered whatever questions he had and tried to be reassuring while still acknowledging the tragedy of it. He has been good at differentiating truly tragic deaths (like that one) and others that are more understandable. For instance, when my grandfather died at age 100 last year, he was upset, but realized without being told that it was a much different situation. While my grandfather had been in OK health for someone at the century mark, my son also understood that you're lucky to live to that age. As for the "not for a very long time" response, that's pretty much what we say, too. The take it slow approach, when feasible, seems like a good one. It definitely can be a challenge. Our eldest son (now 8) has been concerned about death and dying from a very early age. But it really hit home and bothered him a couple of years ago when a friend of ours died unexpectedly. He was then 6 and had trouble sleeping for several days afterward, probably exacerbated by the fact that my wife and I had to fly to Hawaii for the funeral. It was the first time someone he really knew had died and it hit him pretty hard.

We were pretty honest with him, but mostly let him adjust to it in his own way. We answered whatever questions he had and tried to be reassuring while still acknowledging the tragedy of it.

He has been good at differentiating truly tragic deaths (like that one) and others that are more understandable. For instance, when my grandfather died at age 100 last year, he was upset, but realized without being told that it was a much different situation. While my grandfather had been in OK health for someone at the century mark, my son also understood that you’re lucky to live to that age.

As for the “not for a very long time” response, that’s pretty much what we say, too. The take it slow approach, when feasible, seems like a good one.

]]> By: Chip Griffin http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-1320 Chip Griffin Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:26:00 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-1320 It definitely can be a challenge. Our eldest son (now 8) has been concerned about death and dying from a very early age. But it really hit home and bothered him a couple of years ago when a friend of ours died unexpectedly. He was then 6 and had trouble sleeping for several days afterward, probably exacerbated by the fact that my wife and I had to fly to Hawaii for the funeral. It was the first time someone he really knew had died and it hit him pretty hard. We were pretty honest with him, but mostly let him adjust to it in his own way. We answered whatever questions he had and tried to be reassuring while still acknowledging the tragedy of it. He has been good at differentiating truly tragic deaths (like that one) and others that are more understandable. For instance, when my grandfather died at age 100 last year, he was upset, but realized without being told that it was a much different situation. While my grandfather had been in OK health for someone at the century mark, my son also understood that you're lucky to live to that age. As for the "not for a very long time" response, that's pretty much what we say, too. The take it slow approach, when feasible, seems like a good one. It definitely can be a challenge. Our eldest son (now 8) has been concerned about death and dying from a very early age. But it really hit home and bothered him a couple of years ago when a friend of ours died unexpectedly. He was then 6 and had trouble sleeping for several days afterward, probably exacerbated by the fact that my wife and I had to fly to Hawaii for the funeral. It was the first time someone he really knew had died and it hit him pretty hard.

We were pretty honest with him, but mostly let him adjust to it in his own way. We answered whatever questions he had and tried to be reassuring while still acknowledging the tragedy of it.

He has been good at differentiating truly tragic deaths (like that one) and others that are more understandable. For instance, when my grandfather died at age 100 last year, he was upset, but realized without being told that it was a much different situation. While my grandfather had been in OK health for someone at the century mark, my son also understood that you’re lucky to live to that age.

As for the “not for a very long time” response, that’s pretty much what we say, too. The take it slow approach, when feasible, seems like a good one.

]]> By: Jeffrey Sass http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-244 Jeffrey Sass Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:24:02 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-244 Dan, Nice post, and your son is clearly in great hands with the approach you and your wife are taking. The loss of a pet is always a sad occasion, but just as pet ownership is many kids' first experience with the responsibility of caring for another "living" thing, it is also often their first experience with the loss of life. It is a necessary part of growing up, and a necessary part of our parenting to ease them through the acceptance of death as best we can. We've had LOTS of pets, and my kids sadly experienced many pet losses before they had to encounter the passing of a close family member. I think they had a better understanding and maturity about the situation because of it. Thanks for sharing (and condolences to your wife and her uncle). Dan,

Nice post, and your son is clearly in great hands with the approach you and your wife are taking. The loss of a pet is always a sad occasion, but just as pet ownership is many kids’ first experience with the responsibility of caring for another “living” thing, it is also often their first experience with the loss of life. It is a necessary part of growing up, and a necessary part of our parenting to ease them through the acceptance of death as best we can. We’ve had LOTS of pets, and my kids sadly experienced many pet losses before they had to encounter the passing of a close family member. I think they had a better understanding and maturity about the situation because of it. Thanks for sharing (and condolences to your wife and her uncle).

]]> By: Jeffrey Sass http://www.digitaldads.com/2009/08/the-matter-of-life-and-death/comment-page-1/#comment-1318 Jeffrey Sass Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:24:00 +0000 http://www.digitaldads.com/?p=203#comment-1318 Dan, Nice post, and your son is clearly in great hands with the approach you and your wife are taking. The loss of a pet is always a sad occasion, but just as pet ownership is many kids' first experience with the responsibility of caring for another "living" thing, it is also often their first experience with the loss of life. It is a necessary part of growing up, and a necessary part of our parenting to ease them through the acceptance of death as best we can. We've had LOTS of pets, and my kids sadly experienced many pet losses before they had to encounter the passing of a close family member. I think they had a better understanding and maturity about the situation because of it. Thanks for sharing (and condolences to your wife and her uncle). Dan,

Nice post, and your son is clearly in great hands with the approach you and your wife are taking. The loss of a pet is always a sad occasion, but just as pet ownership is many kids’ first experience with the responsibility of caring for another “living” thing, it is also often their first experience with the loss of life. It is a necessary part of growing up, and a necessary part of our parenting to ease them through the acceptance of death as best we can. We’ve had LOTS of pets, and my kids sadly experienced many pet losses before they had to encounter the passing of a close family member. I think they had a better understanding and maturity about the situation because of it. Thanks for sharing (and condolences to your wife and her uncle).

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