Comments on: Dealing as Dad in Divorce PT 1: THE CONVERSATION

By: Like minded bloggers « Someone in NYC loves you

Like minded bloggers « Someone in NYC loves you — Mon, 11 May 2009 22:01:43 +0000

[...] minded bloggers May 11, 2009 Posted by nyclovesu in Uncategorized. trackback I found this blog today and it was reminiscent of what I felt in September 08’. Telling you guys was one of the [...]

By: John Arnold

John Arnold — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:57:52 +0000

Wow. I’m fortunate that my parents stayed together but just reading your post made this all feel so real to me that I’m actually shaking a little on the inside here. I hope I never have to go through this.

As hard is it can be to bear your soul in this way I believe it’s truly helpful, educational and inspiration to the rest of us. This kind of honesty is what my wife and I aspire to in our own parenting podcast.

Thank you.

By: John Arnold

John Arnold — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:57:00 +0000

Thank you.

By: Whitney

Whitney — Fri, 08 May 2009 10:48:24 +0000

My Mom was divorced three times, so I had a variety of Dads in my life. Only one has been really able to talk about the reasons why they got divorced; the other two Dads have subsequently passed away, so I never got to hear their perspective, but I wish I had.
Women seem naturally more open about talking about their feelings of divorce in the general culture- it was really amazing for me to read about how you felt about this. Thanks for sharing- it really made me think about divorce from another point of view, rather than that of a child. As a kid, all you know is your world changes completely and feels less safe in some ways. Less certain at its foundations. That’s not easy. But for the adults, there’s more than a litany of complaints- there’s deciding to leave something you’ve built together- a family, and while it is very likely the best and healthiest thing you can do for everyone involved, it doesn’t mean that there isn’t a sense of loss, of disappointment, or of failure that’s gotta be tough to deal with, especially when you see fear or uncertainty in your child’s eyes.

Thanks again for such a moving piece.

By: Whitney

Whitney — Fri, 08 May 2009 10:48:00 +0000

Thanks again for such a moving piece.

By: Tom

Tom — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:57:55 +0000

I can still see the pain in their eyes when we had this talk. Now I have to explain why he can’t stay with me when it is time to take him back to his moms. He tells me each week he wants to stay with me but I legally have to take him to her house. So what does he really think? Does he really understand or does he think she controls all?

By: Tom

Tom — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 02:57:00 +0000

By: Steve

Steve — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:51:36 +0000

If only it was only the “one” conversation. It’s been 4 years and my daughter still wants to know why we can’t all live together instead of her and her brother having 2 homes. It wasn’t my decision and I hope one day she’ll get an answer to that question that she can live with.

By: Steve

Steve — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:51:00 +0000

By: P.W. Fenton

P.W. Fenton — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:15:00 +0000

This has been a subject I have only dreamed about feeling. I have been married 42 years. I can’t even imagine what it’s like. I raised 2 fine girls that thankfully never had to face something like that. My heart goes out to any guy who has had to face it.

P-Dub

By: P.W. Fenton

P.W. Fenton — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 22:15:00 +0000

P-Dub

By: Tony C

Tony C — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:46:03 +0000

June of 2007 I had a gut feeling my (now) ex-wife was having an affair. I did not confront her until Jan 0f 2008 about a week after I was out of the hospital with a bout of diverticulitis. I happened to be passing by her cell phone when something made me pick it up. Needless to say, I saw more of this guy than I wanted to. Obviously, upset, I confronted her and she readily admitted to the affair. In a not-to-bright, rather foolish display I told the kids we were getting divorced.

Fast forward 2 hours she had taken the kids out for a couple of hours so that I could cool down and process everything. In 2 hours time, I knew what had to be done and she came back, we sat down with the kids and told them how things were going to change.

My ex-wife and I sat down and mapped everything out. I was only taking my electronics and leather chair. I didn’t want to disrupt the kids’ lives by selling everything or making this harder for them.

While there is more to the story, I figured I would end with this: my ex-wife and I are amicable and I even get along with her boyfriend. We do what we need to do for our kids no matter how difficult it may be for us…admittedly, I turned to drinking for a while, before realizing that all that truly matters is that my kids are happy, I am happy, and that my ex-wife finds the happiness that I could not provide. I am happy to say that the drinking has been substantially decreased and life is great.

By: Tony C

Tony C — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 19:46:00 +0000

By: Steven Buehler

Steven Buehler — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:24:13 +0000

I’m in the middle of that rebuilding. My adopted son was 4 when the now former spouse filed for divorce in January 2008 and finalized a month later. Because of my arrested development disorder I never learned how to be an adult, let alone a dad, so my son never had a father to begin with. While it made walking away and giving it all up easier on everyone, there are still a lot of “what could have been” moments and regrets. We can’t turn back the clock, though, so we move on.

By: Steven Buehler

Steven Buehler — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 21:24:00 +0000

By: C.C.

C.C. — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:53:14 +0000

Wow man, talk about baring your soul. I hope and pray this is something I never have to go through, but in some strange way am looking forward to hearing the rest of what you have to say on this topic.

By: C.C.

C.C. — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 19:53:00 +0000